Trapped

Reads: 37  | Likes: 2  | Shelves: 1  | Comments: 2

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

This is a short story about a young teenager day to day life. It shows the mental struggles and helplessness of feeling trapped in one's mind.

Every morning I fight to get out of bed. I hear my alarm go off at 6:30 am every morning and all I can think about is “why?” As I fight to get out of bed the only thing that can come across my mind is that I’m hungry. I’m hungry but I don’t want to eat because the few times I think I look pretty is when I’m hungry. My second alarm goes off it’s now 7 am and I go downstairs to make coffee to try and convince myself that I will be productive today. As I drink my coffee I’ve realized that over the years I have stopped caring about what I eat and lost an appetite for anything and everything. I can’t make up my mind on what to eat so I just make a slice of toast and go back upstairs to my room. As I enter my room I eat my toast and spend the next hour with my earbuds listening to music trying to clear my mind and get myself ready for school. While I listen to the songs playing the thoughts in my head start to quiet down as the time passes but before they can leave it’s 8:05 am. 

I reluctantly go wash my face and brush my teeth only to walk back to my bed lie down and turn on my computer for school. While the teacher starts talking I start to find myself thinking about anything and overthinking about everything. Then I hear my name being called for a question I quickly unmute and simply say that I am having connection issues and ask if they could repeat the question. As time passes by I have realized I have finished three of my classes to not learn anything and still feel alone even though I hear real people talking to me. Even though people who I have met or are new could be going through what I am the only time I feel heard or like I’m really connecting to something is when I’m watching a show or movie. It’s now 12:40 pm I eat lunch cause I have nothing else to do but as soon as I finish eating I can’t stop staring at my stomach as if the weight immediately appeared on me. I make my way back to the kitchen to clean because just going to school isn’t enough just fighting to get out of bed to feel trapped isn’t enough. 

Because I know if I don’t clean the kitchen and the rest of downstairs I will be called “lazy”. Even though I know I work hard my hard still never appears to be enough. So I finally put my earbuds back in so I can try to clear my mind while I pick up the house. As time passes and it’s clean downstairs I go back up to my room to only lie back in my bed that I don’t want to be trapped in, that I don’t want even be near, and yet I keep finding myself back to my bed. It’s now 2:00 pm My mom comes home and only welcomes the dog. As I find myself hating myself more I go to her car and bring in all her bags and work stuff only to hear that the house looks like a mess. I put away all her belongings and find myself back in my bed yet again. At this point I’m tired, even though I get told “I don’t do anything” and that “I’m lazy” I feel tired. I don’t know what I’m tired of but while I try to figure out why I am I’m already asleep. 

I wake up to being yelled at around 5:00 pm to go and make the side dishes for dinner. As I finish them I get my brother and we make our way down to eat. 6:00 pm my brother and I find ourselves cleaning the kitchen. As I’m cleaning I hear him calling me a “pig” and “lazy”. 6:30 pm and I go back to my room to watch tv, as I finish the show I have invested so much time I find myself crying over fictional characters that I feel I know more and that I am closer to than anyone. 8:00 pm I go and stand in the shower and watch the water hit my face while it covers my tears. I’m crying but I don’t know what over. And eventually, I realize the water is so hot that my body has begun to turn red so I turn off the water grab a towel, and make my way back to my room. 8:45 and I have put back on the same pajamas from the past 3 days that I can’t escape from. It’s now 9:00 pm and I don’t feel like I am able to go to bed without listening to music so I let the music flood my brain and take over my thoughts and for once, everything feels calm and I don’t feel like a hurricane. It’s 10:00 pm and now I am told that I have to go to bed. As I find myself back in my bed all the thoughts that were once gone come rushing back. I find myself tossing and turning only finding myself to despise myself and want to become a better person and all I need is to push myself. It’s 2:00 am and I finally fall asleep. It’s now 6:30 am and I reluctantly try to get out of bed before the thoughts came back and before I can even turn off my alarm the thoughts and are back and I find myself once again powerless and trapped not wanting to leave my bed but having to in half an hour. I find the only thing that I can do is continue this endless cycle and begin my day once again.

 


Submitted: March 26, 2021

© Copyright 2021 e.r.scolline. All rights reserved.

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Comments

LE. Berry

Thought filled and well written e.r. That teenage connection resonates through all generations. Good write.

Fri, March 26th, 2021 9:32pm

Janelle C.

omg! so good!!! Thank you for writing this piece of literature. :)

Fri, March 26th, 2021 11:14pm

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