One lesson about marriage

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

First piece of writing. Would like comments on how to improve.



On December 29,2003 in front of all my family and friends I said I do to the man of my dreams. After years of pointless relationships and sex, I was to ready to leave the past behind and start my future new and improved. Immediately after the wedding I noticed a change. Right away I thought that this was normal because after years of hearing marriage changes everything I had believed that to be true. Soon after the small changes started to become big changes. We went from very little sex to no sex at all. Arguments or concerns got washed into me being a nag and insecure. I started to annoy him more and more. So, after years of unhappiness, A house, car and two career changes I suggested we go to counseling. After all I love this man, so I figured it was best we do whatever it took to make it work. After six months of counseling Charles admitted he had cancer, he wasn’t happy, and he wanted a divorce. Here I am after 10 years of marriage listening to the man of my dreams tell me he wants a divorce. In tears I asked why, and he admitted he didn’t love me anymore. He told me love was a choice and he chose not to love me anymore. He stated he married me because he loved me and that was the biggest mistake of his life. Here I was thinking love would keep a marriage together and he’s now telling me love isn’t important and he’s over it. Finally, after listening to our counselor I realized marriage should be based on knowledge, understanding and wisdom instead of just love. If I had knowledge of my mate, I would have saw the problems when he did and maybe we could have fixed them who knows?  I knew a same sex inter-racial marriage would be tough, but I thought love would push us through. A few years ago, I spoke at Charles funeral and my message was one about knowledge, clarity and understanding. I hope my story helps to guide people know their selves as well as their partners before they take the next steps in their relationships.




Submitted: March 29, 2021

© Copyright 2022 Ofc. lott. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Eraser

That's a rough story. It's hard to know in advance how these things will work out. At least you gave it a shot. Hopefully, you still have it in you to find a true companion.

Tue, May 4th, 2021 3:29am

Author
Reply

Thanks for your feedback!

Tue, May 4th, 2021 6:09am

Jonathan E. Lee

Your story has an interesting premise, and I appreciate how you introduce certain facts to aid in immersion. For instance the date at the beginning or the offhanded mention of "Charles" without needless explanation. (You trust the reader's intelligence rather than adding something a little inane like "My husband's name is Charles.")

That being said, since you asked for tips to improve, I would point out an old saying that's a bit cliche' perhaps but remains applicable nonetheless: Show, don't tell.

That's not to say one should *never* "tell." There's definitely a place for both at certain times, and if this was merely the beginning of a tale that was at least ten times longer, it might be perfectly okay. The point is that presently what you have written is more of a summary explanation, rather than a real narrative.

So there's two approaches you could take to turn this into a real proper "story"...

1. You could keep it as it is (with some bit removed from the end), and let it serve as the opening backdrop to a longer story, as I mentioned. Perhaps the real story is what happens after the funeral. Or maybe you end the opening summary at "he's now telling me love isn't important and he's over it." Your next sentence could be something like "So that's why I moved to Connecticut." And then you launch into a whole tale of adventure.

2. You expand out this summary itself to a proper short story with actual scenes an dialogue. You "show" the marriage breaking down through the depiction of actual fights and heartbreak. I thought "Marriage Story" was a really good film. It's certainly a subject that resonates and has a lot of potential for drama to be sure.

A pseudo-third option would be to make this a big long quote in an otherwise third person narrative. Perhaps it turns out she's talking to a therapist. Or perhaps something more ironic and surprising like a grocery store clerk. "Uh, sorry to interrupt, but did you want paper or plastic?"

Anyhow, your writing seems competent enough, and the subject matter is potentially engaging. I think if you wanted it could be turned into a proper engaging narrative with a lot of heart.

Wed, December 22nd, 2021 2:41pm

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