Loving Me Most

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic

When you need a little love to feel at ease on your journey through life, I'll be there for you regardless of the challenges up ahead.

Apart of me reaches towards the phone at 3am some nights to scroll through our last thread of messages, trying to figure out where we began to ignite a fire that would burn down the beautiful home of love we built together that resided in our hearts. I hardly ever made it past the last few messages when we spewed out the most vulgar insults we would've never expected from the one who we wrote a book about what true love means to us. The tears run down my face instantly when I hear your voice from a video telling me you loved me for me. It was all so sweet, yet it all felt like a lie the moment you expressed that you felt you loved someone else. That was enough to make me question myself from a thousand angles on how I went from the world's greatest to just someone you could barely stand to look at anymore. Leaving me burning up inside from the unsavory thoughts of how the signs were there of your love fading, but I lied to myself time and time again creating this illusion that you would always love me just as much as the beginning if not more. However, the late nights of you sneaking out to run off with him were tough moments I had to swallow as I prepared myself for work those mornings in order to do anything to keep you off my mind. You told me you nothing for me after I got home from work, and you began to pack my things in a corner as to say you had posted an eviction notice before I even noticed you had moved on while still in a relationship with me. A big shock struck a pain so deep that nothing else compared to the hurt I faced that morning while searching frantically for somewhere to go.

As I sat waiting at a local park with my things packed in my vehicle. I felt the cold in my heart slowly start to warm as to say someone had sat next to me. I turned but I saw no one, but I sure felt a beautiful presence of a parental figure wrapping their arm around me for comfort. I believed in forever, but I believed it for the wrong reasons as I realized that presence was that of my own spirit wiping away the veil that was over my eyes for the time I was with you. I had forgotten just how beautiful I truly was as I tried to prove to so many before you something I already knew about myself. In the beginning and end, I was and still am one of the greatest friends anyone could ever have. You spread false rumors about me to those we grew up with, and like kites without strings, they lost their place in my life as they showed me just how ugly the heart can be when it has no clear direction for peace. Still I remained silent because my peace mattered most, and the pursuit of happiness was the sweetest part of my journey through life thus far. I'd never stoop down to your level, and slander someone loved so dearly at some point in my life. I defended you against those that sought after you like wild dogs hunting for the purest positive vibes known to the universe. I saw your potential, so I acted as if you were always of that status. Regardless of the hardships you tred to put me through, I can still stand tall as I say I love you.

You moved him in the same day you packed my things as if I were just a candy bar who had lost his place making way for the next runner-up. You prayed I'd fall, but I wished you well. You tampered with my belongings, but I just continued to play like it was cool pretending it was fine. You made remarks about me to my supervisor behind my back which caused hard stares from him ever since. However, the universe always has a way of working out for the betterment of peace. I wouldn't dare call you out your name, nor will I ever engage in any conversation where you are the subject, but I'm sure you still choose to do the opposite. We are all guilty of presenting aspects of our shadow sides, but let today be a moment when you become guilty of peace just as I have. Those who claimed to be my friends that you sought after romantically aren't enough to make me hold hate for anyone in this world, because once I was exposed to "truth", the beauty that resides inside of me and the world around me is unforgettable. I love you all and will always love you all. However, the love for myself is the greatest love of all, and the most beautiful. The reflection in the mirror of a smile so bright it lights up rooms that the Sun cannot reach. A heart so pure that i warm even the coldest ice caps to ease all pain. A mind so magnificent that the creation of a beautiful world is just merely a thought away. I was searching for love as love was searching for me, and here i stand happy to say thank you for every experience because it was necessary for this beautiful growth I've undergone.


Submitted: April 13, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Eric2121. All rights reserved.

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