Hostage Negotiation

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

The Being Known as The Devil, or Satan, is the "god of this world." Actually, he runs The Earth Game. And YES, he will write your story for you in exchange for some Light Energy. God has a plan for your life and so does The Devil. As you can see, sometimes it is rather a chore on both sides to come to an agreement regarding that very important contract, which is affecting your life, right now.

Hostage Negotiation


Guinevere vs. The Devil


By Alexander Guinevere Kern  4-13-2021



< Satan sits at his long, dark, oaken table. Guinevere floats in wearing her white silk gown. >


Satan indicates Guinevere should sit in a Tudor Gold Chair he stole from Henry VIII.  She obeys and finds the seat uncomfortably warm. Guinevere waits patiently for the Devil to speak.


Satan: “Do NOT publish, speak, trumpet, broadcast on the InterSpan, print or record on Video my private, personal name on the Earth Plane."


Guinevere:  (leans forward slightly, making eye contact)


G: “You do not want me to speak your real name on the Earth Plane.”


Satan. “Do Not.”



Guinevere: “I sense you are sensitive about your real name.”


Satan: “YOU are a Tourist here. Obey the Rules. Human Animals do NOT need to know my real name.”


Guinevere: “You seem angry.  How can I help you feel safe? Right now I’m only worried about your safety.”


Satan: “STOP using my real name. On Earth I AM SATAN. I will keep you here until you learn to obey the School Rules.”


Guinevere: < slowly > " You. Will. Keep. Me. Here?”


Satan: You will remain in Hell. *I* will be your Instructor.”


Guinevere: < Labeling> “What does that look like to you?”


Satan: Like Hell FIRE. No EXIT, nor for Good Behavior. I will give you a Used Already Been Chewed Old Camera Version of a Ruinous, Vulgar, Unseemly Life while I keep you blindfolded.”


Guinevere: < empathy building >  “Satan, you wound me. You already gave me that life. Now I have no Veil.  I am just a girl, just a Human Girl, from Silver Spring, MD. I only have a High School Degree. My parents were poor wanderers in a land not our own. I was deprived and left to forage for my food all my life.


I realize I am being SELFISH, wanting to be the First Person on the Earth Plane to expose your name and that you really do exist.  But what do *I* know about an Ancient, Genius Djinn who has been CEO of the Earth Game for a Millenia or two, or even three. It must be exhausting to write Life plans for billions upon billions of students. So time consuming and a thankless task. What’s in a Name, after all.


How does my Silence help us both?"

Satan: "I offer the deals. You told me what you wanted. I wrote your lamentable story. You accepted my terms."

Guinevere. < Mirroring >  “I accepted your terms?”




Guinevere: “You seem stressed to me. How about I shut my cake hole for a year? Will that work for you?”


Satan: “100 years.”

Guinevere: “50.”


Satan: 100 years.


Guinevere: < Late Night FM D.J voice > “75 years is my final offer. Besides, I’ll be in one of your dirt apartments by then. Win-Win!”


Satan: Guinevere, that is NOT giving me my due.”


Guinevere: “You feel heard, but insulted.  I get that, I do. Suppose I train someone to take over my ANGEL JOB so I can be cautious with your Regal, Secret Name. That person will be trained to never use your real name - only your Nom de plume.”


Satan: “That is NOT a bargain for ME, Miss Kern.”


Guinevere: “I already signed a contract with you when I came here as a Junior Student. The contract failed to state that I could not use your Real Name. Do you have a legal, signed Copyright on the name?”


Satan: “This NEW contract, which you will sign, when you’re ready, States you will immediately cease using my personal private name as Headmastesr of the Earth Circus.  Fair?”


< Dips Crow Quill pen into Black Ink Well >  :: scratch scratch  scratch ::


Guinevere: That seems fair, yet you are the Devil, Slanderer, Liar, Murderer. What guarantees can you offer me that you are not hiding some sneaky clause I will not like? What about Freedom of Speech? I was Patrick Henry in another Life, For God’s Sake!”


Satan:   < Slowly slides vellum contract across the heavy, oak, carven desk. >

“Read and SIGN or HANG.”


Guinevere < Feeling Feverish >  < Sweat beads on forehead >


“Satan, I cannot give you my firstborn. You told me she is too old. What is THIS? More Algebra classes? Algebra? Who am I, to question such a Genius Magician Djinn Alchemist Physicist? You are well aware I am very poor at Math!”


Satan: < Stone Face >  “Exactly. No More Writing for You, Miss Kern.”


Guinevere:  “No More Writing? Your NAME is associated with NUMERALS. I know that much Math.”


Satan < Grimly > “Stop mirroring me, Young Lady. Sign The Contract.”


Guinevere: < Mirroring> “Sign The Contract?”


Satan: < Labeling >“Guinevere, you seem reluctant and uncomfortable. Do you not trust me?”


Guinevere: How do you know I won’t Dupe the Deceiver?  < Sighs > All right. I promise I will not put your name up in LIGHTS.”


Satan < deadly calm > That is not amusing, Miss Kern.”


Guinevere: “I’m not a comic. I am just a Junior Student. Humans don’t know they have to sign a contract with you when their Soul comes here. I can’t contend with a brilliant Being like you. Pity me, Oh Great Deceiver!”


Satan: < Labeling >  "I surmise you feel powerless, weak and vulnerable. Those were your Lessons and you wanted them. Now you want to play a clown in the Earth Circus.”


Guinevere: “My Monkey got away from me.  Be fair.  I’m going to tell God on you.”


Satan: “MATH.”


Guinevere: < The Power of NO >  “NO!”


Satan: YES. Math 101 AND you will take that class and NOT English. You may study Art, as you originally requested, You may paint me red with Devil horns with a very long snake tail. It never hurts to deceive the people. Now, you may sign.”


Guinevere: “I feel . . . diminished.  This is not a fair contract. I am not getting anything but censored!”


Satan: “YOU feel censored. I do not tell everyone you are an Undercover Angel Agent while pretending that you love me.”


Guinevere: < Points to contract >  “Give me something good in the contract to replace my great joy and pleasure in OUTING your real name.”


Satan:   “50,000 a year, USD.”


Guinevere: “100,000.00”


Satan: “75,000.00”


Guinevere:    That won’t even buy four Cartier bracelets and my Math notebooks. How can we work this out so we are both satisfied? The house on Welby?”


Satan: Yes. You must pay for it yourself. I will put it on the market for you, do not worry how - that is my business, after all.”


Guinevere:  “You drive a hard bargain, Mara - I mean, SATAN.”


Satan: “Fair?”


Guinevere: “Fair.”


Satan: SIGN.


< scratch scratch scratch >


Guinevere: Here. Make sure I get the Title soon.  You know you agreed and signed. Thank you for not asking for my Soul.”


Satan: “That would have been NEXT.”

Guinevere: But I signed. And you can't have my Soul anyway!  Win-Win!”



~~~~~~  FINI.


**** Ever grateful to the Most Excellent Instructor Mr. Chris Voss, the FBI’s Top Hostage Negotiator. Check him out on his YouTube Master Class.


His book: “Never Split The Difference. Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It."



** The White Swan, I am. One of Yahweh’s Original Creations and He can safely,  secretly, or overtly cancel this contract at His discretion.   HEH.”



Submitted: April 14, 2021

© Copyright 2022 RexMundi555'.-. All rights reserved.

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