Guardian Book 1: Angel

Reads: 376  | Likes: 1  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 4

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Writing and Reviewing!

Mason and Melinda arrive in a town called Ragnaro. They decide to start their new lives.

Table of Contents

Ragnaro

A quiet field. The crops danced in the gentle wind. The sun was high in a cloudless blue sky. Nearby a single house sat, alone. A young g... Read Chapter

Threat and Aide

Melinda sits on the porch steps. Gerald and Brian are inspecting the creature’s body. Mason leans against the porch railing wearing... Read Chapter

Two Entities

“The two of you will be positioned at the north entrance,” Sarah says. The group is in a carriage, traveling on a dirt road. Gerald i... Read Chapter

Don't Kill

The ax flies into Pulf’s hands. Without a moment of hesitation, he slashes it at Melinda. Melinda ducks back, her face narrowly avoidin... Read Chapter

Decisive In The Aftermath

“I’ll always protect you,” Mason said. He and Melinda were standing on the front porch of a small house. Two children. Melinda ... Read Chapter

Attempt To Fight

Pulf sees the fire in the sky and scowls. “The guardian recovered fast,” Dreke says. “Lets move.” The two of them h... Read Chapter

Desperation

“Get back here!” Pulf yells. He chases Sarah down an alleyway. She passes a burning street, noticing a large burning tree but keeps r... Read Chapter

Guardian

Gerald collapses onto the ground. He’d managed to reach another street away from the fire. He could hardly move with his injury. He dig... Read Chapter

Angel

“Who do you think you are?” Athevius growls. “I am a god!” Melinda scoffs. “Don’t insult me,” She says. “You know who... Read Chapter

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Recent Comments

uduak

Nice story.

Thu, April 29th, 2021 8:14pm

2012Fireman

Great Chapters to that new story you got there and if you have time later on please check up my new mini song lyric story in the Miscellaneous area called "Making It Is Half The Fun" and let me know what you think, ok?

Thanks a bunch
R.

Mon, June 7th, 2021 10:13pm

Archia

What a thrilling end, it was very gripping. I really liked the kind of prologue at the beginning too. It really set the tone and I thought it was clever later on the allusions to it being Melinda because of her short hair. There's also clearly a lot more to this whole world with them being 'blessed', and of course a four-headed snaked is something you see every day. I think how you show some things but not make it all entirely obvious make it quite intriguing and exciting. It's knowing that there's something interesting going on and wanting to know more.
There were quite a few sentences that came across as statements, like 'he did this, she did that'. It becomes a bit repetitive when there's so many and it feels like someone is stating the facts instead of really showing the scene and taking you into the story. A simple way to minimise it is to avoid starting a setence with the words 'he/she', 'the' or a name.
There's definitely something interesting about these two, and I'm curious to know what it is. I could be wrong, but I feel like there's this sense that Melinda and Mason are different and they don't quite fit in this world. It will be interesting to see how they potentially adjust into Ragnaro (or not). All in all, your first chapter was really good. It's introduced two myterious and intriguing characters who are definitely very strong. You also set the place well and also left enough out to make the next chapters intriguing as more gets revealed.

Wed, June 23rd, 2021 8:13am

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Reply

I really appreciate your in depth comment. I also appreciate the contests and opportunities you create in the review chain house. It encourages writing and general communion on the site. You're amazing, thanks.

Thu, June 24th, 2021 10:52am

G.P.Sharp

Very interesting fight, and I am curious to see how you will further develop and clarify this power system of being "blessed". You were very quick to get right into the characters and the action, setting up a very fast pace almost right from the beginning of the story. I am also impressed at how little detail of the world is given in this first chapter, yet the setting and genre already feel so clear to me with this alternate world western/fantasy.
The only thing that somewhat sticks out to me is that some of the plot feels a little too fast. The sudden hiring for a job and Gerald's sudden change of demeanor (along with his initial outburst) all felt a little bit jarring in succession.
However, I struggle to even consider that criticism since the pace is also what makes your story more interesting, and most first chapters of any fast-paced novels are going to feel a little rushed in order to be a good hook.
Regardless, I like your story so far and will be continuing to read the others when I have time.

Mon, July 5th, 2021 5:02pm

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