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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

If life was a competition categorized by careers,
I would win first place in the category “architects”.
Because what I’ve built is unsurpassable.

I’ve built a prison, a prison in my mind.
A place that traps the unwelcome memories
And distressing feelings,
Locking them away in a storage room,
Allowing myself to trick myself
Into thinking I am “happy”.

I’ve built a fortress, a fortress around me.
Strong fortified brick walls, a complete dome,
A cage around myself camouflaged as a castle.
Decorated with fragrant flowers and ribbons,
Innocent to the eye but dangerous in truth.
Not discriminatory towards people,
This fortress lets no one in, from those
I “love” to the most of my capability
And those who I hate with all my heart.
Impossible for the imprisoned to escape,
Designed so that they don’t want to.
A safe, isolated space, or so it seems.

I’ve built a world, a whole, ideal world.
I live in it, rather than the world we know,
Because I’ve built a paradise all for myself.
A place where everything is where I want,
Where everyone acts how I want,
A place where I can live out the stories in books
I’ve admired since childhood.
A world where I make the rules,
Where I’m in control,
Unlike the lack thereof in the real world.
In this world, I don’t get hurt by others.
I decide how I want to be treated,
How others see me,
How I see myself.
And I’m never going to go back outside
To the real world.

I’ve built a delusion,
Fooling myself so perfectly
That I truly believe it’s real.

Submitted: April 23, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Luna Cai. All rights reserved.

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