A heart with million stiches

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

I think every human being in this world faces too many things in their life especially at the age of 12 to a phase of life when he/she feels fed up from this world.
We can share only our stories and think that only our life is difficult. But in this world everyone has similar stories.
So there is a story of a girl who phases too many ups and downs in her life, maybe it was normal for others but these phases are worst for her.
A situation is not the same for all of us, some situations are very easy for somebody and that same situation is very harsh for somebody.
But in this world of judgemental bodies we fear to take any step or share our things with friends and family. But in reality nobody cares if they talk about you for only a few days, even your family. But you are the only one who can handle your problem.

A heart with million stitches



 

A girl born in Gurgaon, Haryana in the 20th century. This generation really feels all the changes in society. The girl named Barkha. When she was born everyone felt “Ohio ek aur ladki ho gai”. But there is a man in his life who says she is my daughter and I am lucky to have one more daughter. On another hand, the mother of that girl starts crying that she has one more daughter. 

Somewhere in this world, there is a place that signs that parents who have two daughters are not a good sign. Because nobody can care for them in their old age. People say “ab tere budhape ka kya hoga”.

After a few years ago, everyone pressurized her parents to plan one more baby, they gave some treatment to a baby boy. I think people need a lecture on biology. Her mother is ready to do everything for a boy, but still, she failed to get a baby boy. 

The upbringing of this girl is not that loving and caring which normally all kids get from everyone. In the morning her mother handed that girl to her aunt and her aunt lay her on the bed with the dog. She is all alone the whole day with no toys. 

When she started entering her teenage now she saw fights all time again she is alone, she doesn't know what actually happened. Her mother fights all day with her father, sister, and others. It's like her daily tonic. Her mother has some mental disorder so everyone is convinced that the girl Its ok beta Teri maa to hai hi aasi. It's really easy for others to say this, but after listing all these things from childhood, she lost all her connection with her mother. She never sits with her mother even to ask, ``How are you?... It never happened, not only once.

Nobody can imagine the loneliness of her heart from childhood. Yes her elder sister was there but she also faced this problem. She is 5 years older than her. Her sister is also busy with her own problems with her own friends. The father of these girls also avoids staying home, to spend some time with his daughter. 

Now his both daughters need love & care. (Every human being in this world needs love to survive in this world). They start finding love outside the family. The elder sister got her love in the school when she was in 9th standard. And Barkha is in 4th standard, actually, at that point in time, she doesn't know what love is. Her sister is also not there to understand her. She is still alone mentally in this world.

Now she makes some friends but her family changed schools and she lost all her friends. Now she is alone again. 

The new school was bigger than the older one. Some kids bully her for her background of the last school, the way she talks, etc., etc.

Now the social media trends come into this world, Facebook is at its peak. Everyone in school is talking about Facebook. Now Barkha is also excited about Facebook. She asked her sister about Facebook. Her sister helped her to make an id of her. Now she starts using Facebook, but her sister doesn't guide her like don’t talk to strangers. 

When we start something new everyone is so much excited about that new thing, she is also excited. After all, after too many years she got someone to talk to and she got it. 

One day she gets around 50 friend requests from different boys and girls. At that point in time, there is a craze that to become cool and that have more friends, he/she is cooler.

And that girl is all alone from childhood. She needs somebody to talk to, So she starts accepting friend requests.

In this trend of social media, she met with a boy in the same city. The boy's name is Aman. Aman was older than her. She was very immature and she needed love and care. So she started sharing her thoughts with her. The boy was mature and elder as well, he knows that how to handle situations maybe he can understand her. Aman is always online, he is a smart, cool & lovable guy for Barkha. 

She always feels a unique attachment with him. One day she confessed her feelings to him and he rejected her because she was immature and they never met. But still, both of them are in touch. They continue their chatting, talking, sharing thoughts. She was just waiting for that 1-2 hr time when she talked to Aman. This is going for a year. After one year maybe the guy felt the same thing for her, now he proposed to her, she was very happy to see his message, “Hey I wanna say something, can you please become my wife”. This line change her all-time lonely world into a princess world where a prince waiting for her,

Every relationship is very good in the starting phase, then ups and down comes in Aman’s life and the relationship is going in the wrong direction. She is always ready to do everything which makes her happy, everything. She feels very connected with him. She never felt that much connection even with her family. After 5 years, Aman suddenly calls at 5AM and finishes all the things due to a small misunderstanding. She didn’t get a chance to clarify something. He blocks her from his life and all social media platforms. She is alone again. The most beautiful part of her life was gone in a second. She broke into uncountable pieces. Her investment of 5 years was zero even negative returns she got.

 

But all human beings need love and care to survive in this world.

 

So again she starts searching for love in this world, this time her sister is married, she saw her parents upset because of her sister. She is the only one in the family, who handles all things alone. But she is lonely from the inside as always. 

Because of this loneliness, she makes some wrong decisions as well in her life, her insecurities are always there in her subconscious mind. But still, she tried again and again, she went ahead in search of love in this world. 

 

Now she meets a guy again, he fulfills all her desires & dreams. The new guy was Sanjeev. He also faced almost similar issues so they both felt very connected with each other, everything was gone, they were good friends. And after 2 years all things finish between them, both of them enjoy each other companies, they enjoy life when they are together. But still, things were not working out. 

 

But somehow there is a point of life when all things end, the end is not always worst, somehow it was good for your upcoming life. We can't understand this at that point in time. 

Now she is broken again and again and this broken part of her life makes her stronger and more stronger. 

 

After a year she joined the office, her first job. She is really excited to start her career. She tried to learn all the things she really wants to grow in terms of career, learnings & finances. 

Now one day her manager calls her in his cabin to discuss something. During the discussion she feels very uncomfortable, she feels that her manager is masturbating in front of her. That was a very terrible phase of her life. He started mental harassment with her. Give offers for lunch, gifts. Listening may seem very normal but it was a very difficult phase for her. In this phase one of her friend Rohan needs a job and she feels secure with him. So she conducted his interview in the same office. Rohan passed the interview, Barkha was also happy that now somebody is there to guide them on what to do with that manager because to leave the job is not only an option. These types of people are everywhere in this world. We have to phase them and give them a lesson. She thought avoiding and running from the situation is not the only solution. Yes, to face the situation is more difficult rather than run from the situation. 

 

Now, one day her manager calls in the cabin and offers her expensive gifts, and tries to hug her. He says that he likes her, he wants her to grow financially. He gave a wrong indication to her with wrong intentions. She denied her all offers, all she said some harsh words to him. It was a completely unexplained situation for her. All night she thought only one thing that she has to face again this man. Rohan guides her always to handle the situation. She has attached with Rohan again because as always she is in a search of love. But at this point in time, her search or greed towards love decreases because of her all failure experiences. One day Rohan also goes off from her life as usual. She is lonely again.

 

She always needs somebody with her. Because she is not attached to her family, friends are there but not always.

The girl thinks that the new guys or new strangers can easily listen to her because old ones are bored with her stories. So maybe because of this reason, she started finding a new guy, always wanting a permanent guy in her life. And she gets a guy who sees all the future with her. But at this point in time, her eternal love is just about to finish. 

 

Still, she thinks one more time about herself, she tried with this last guy. The actual guy who loves her a lot in this world. This boy's love is unconditional for her but at this point in time, Barkha’s heart is having millions of stitches. She can't give the love which a boy actually needs and deserves. But she wants to try once from our side because this guy Barkha is actually special. The love she wanted in the past this guy can give her, so she tried. 

Maybe she was wrong, but in this life, you can take risks everywhere. When you go outside there is also a risk of an accident. So she tried, she thought 1000 times before tried and started any kind of relationship with him. So she started a relationship, and the boy was really excited. He is like his dreams come true. His excitement makes fear in his heart. Maybe because this time a heart with million stitches doesn't want to heal, she actually doesn't need love anymore. 

She realized this thing within 1 month of the relationship.

 

It's really easy to say yes to anyone to enjoy a beautiful full with someone, but it's really difficult to say no to a relationship and end up doing things without doing anything wrong with the second person. 

Also, on one hand, she doesn't want to hurt herself to carry forward this relationship with some burden, and on the other, she also doesn't want to hurt this real man who loves her unconditionally without any reason and expectations. 

 

This time she is not alone but she wants to be alone because this time nobody hurts her. This time she hurts somebody. She doesn't want to give millions of stitches to anyone which she feels in her life. 

Yes, she knows it was very difficult for him to listen no from her, it is difficult for her to say no. Because in this world she always hears no from friends, family, and others. But this time she has to say, the anxiety and fear that she feels to say NO is much more difficult to her entire failure experiences. 

But if she continues this relationship it gives a big lifetime heartbreak to that real man. He cried a lot after listening to all her insecurities & fear. He tried to understand but he couldn't. It is the end of a love story for this girl Barkha. She doesn't need love anymore from others. She just wants to live her life freely without attachment to this temporary world.


 

Sometimes it's ok to say NO, rather than to push yourself. 

Sometimes it's ok to be alone, rather than whom you don't want.

Sometimes it's ok to spend some time with yourself. 

Sometimes it’s ok, to handle the situations all alone.

Sometimes it’s ok, to break others' hope for our own happiness.

But it’s not ok, to neglect the situation and just follow the path blindly with fake hopes and promises. 






 


Submitted: April 24, 2021

© Copyright 2021 vanshita. All rights reserved.

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