Sabotage

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic

Sometimes the toxicity we see in the world around us is just a warped projection of our inner insecurities.

It was so different in the beginning. It was just you alone with your desires and passions. The things that made your heart pound when the tingling between your thighs started. The fantasy of the perfection in the moments when you were by yourself, feverishly pleasuring your indulgences till spasm. And, on the day you found him, your life seemed complete. Someone you could trust to hurt you without hurting you. To grasp the illusion of control you presented him, by the hair, put his rugged fingers around your desire’s throat and push himself into your spirit like a demon on fire, brought to life by the wet of your soul. But his inferno wasn’t controlled, and burned too hot! He took when you wanted and he took when you didn’t. His indulgences became erratic, and were selfish instead of selfless. You always wanted him to take without thought, though you always wanted to be thought of. In the end his perfect tattoos and bad boyish nature you so adored, ran you’re rivers dry and now you walk around jaded by the experiences, carrying your broken pieces looking for another to forge your heart anew. But in silent hours when you think back you always knew. The only person you ever really gave control too was you. You never really wanted acceptance from another so much as you wanted to embrace it within yourself. And like a seen from “fight club” you realize the dark want you saw in him was really the things you longed to accept in your sick self. His smug swagger, his musky presence, his half smirk when he took what didn’t belong to him, just reflections of an inner ugly that sickens you yet drives your desire. And you realize, you’ve been alone the entire time. There was never anybody but you in your relationship, and the shattered pieces of your heart you carry everywhere you go, are just the broken pieces of the funhouse mirror you’ve been staring into. And the fog and mist rises.

 

 


Submitted: April 26, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Jason Meikrantz. All rights reserved.

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