In Today's News...

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

NewsTODAY Issue 18/21 - For your convenience view an excerpt of today's newspaper and find out what goes on around... you!

And then buy the issue. Nobody likes a mooch.

BREAKING NEWS: The Nimble Duo strikes again!

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April 30th, 2032

Paris, Temple

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THIEVERY in the heart of Paris. A few mere hours ago the self-proclaimed robin-hoods calling themselves ‘The Nimble Duo’ managed to circumvent the top-of-the-line security systems of the jewelry story ‘Mademoiselle Paris’ and steal several of its pricier pieces before local authorities could arrive at the scene. As per usual the only thing that the initial investigation yielded was their trademark ‘calling card’ – a single forget-me-not in place of every stolen piece of jewelry.

This marks the third time this month that this group has managed to rob hard working citizens of their treasured possessions. Police Chief Martinez has assured that the situation is under control and that they are very close to having enough evidence to put out an arrest warrant.

The public’s response to this short briefing has been largely negative, with one woman who wishes to remain anonymous stating to one of our reporters “The Police have been unable to arrest these criminals on numerous occasions already. I mean, this is hardly the first time they’ve pulled of a stunt like this, and afterwards the only thing we get out of the police is some variation of ‘we’re very close to capturing them’. I don’t have much faith that they can stop this.”

We reached out to city hall with a request for comment but have not received any answer as of right now.

 

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OPINION: New Laws, New Country?

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April 30th, 2032

Paris, Hôtel-de-Ville

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THE NEW REFORMS concerning a wide range of topics from education to tax-rates are officially entering into law tomorrow. The government earned a lot of criticism earlier this month for voting on these twenty different bills in a single day, all of which were unanimously passed.

In a statement from the secretary of state, Robin Lemoine, he tried to address any concern the citizens might have about this. A few days later, in a never seen before act of backlash, ten thousand citizens gathered around city hall for a week, blocking any way into, or out of the building.

The government, however, remained firm on their decision and declined to comment in any way.

The full list of new and/or changed laws can be viewed on the party’s official website, but here are the most important ones, in our opinion. (Please note that the wording has been abridged for the sake of clarity.)

  1. Tax rates for corporations with less than 1500 employees have been decreased to 5%. Any larger than that and the corporation won’t have to pay any taxes whatsoever.
  2. Educational resources such as textbooks now need to be approved by the party before being used in any official capacity.
  3. Smart Device manufacturers, meaning anything from computers to smartphones, are now required to have a backdoor installed into their devices for the sake of public safety.
  4. The funding for the police force will be doubled in order to compensate for the rising crime levels seen across the city. The infrastructure sector sees its funding slashed in half to compensate.

 

The vast majority of these changes were received with extreme negativity from the general public, with many voices claiming that the new laws are “the first step into becoming a police state.”

In our opinion, the new and changed laws don’t present any sort of danger to the average, law-abiding citizen. These changes are necessary in order to restore order to a country that finds itself on the brink of sinking into anarchy.

It is understandable that such massive change may instill a sense of unease, but the party only has our best interest at heart. These changes are made for reasons we cannot and should not understand. After all, have we not chosen the party specifically because we believed in their ability to steer us into the right direction?

So… believe. We’re sure everything will turn out just fine.

 

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DRAMA: Red Carpet Fiasco

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April 30th, 2032

Paris, Popincourt

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EMBARRASING scenes at the opening night of the blockbuster ‘Prod-52’. The movie about a pair of unlikely heroes trudging through an abandoned government black site in search of a cure for a terrible virus has garnered attention for all the wrong reasons.

The movies lead actor, Cédric Chauve, arrived at the scene clearly intoxicated and barely able to stand. When co-star Reine LaRue arrived a few minutes later she immediately found herself assaulted by her colleague, who according to bystanders, ranted about betraying him, all the while trying to force himself on her. Security quickly managed to separate the two and Chauve was escorted back to the hotel. Needless to say, the evening had soured quite a bit.

What also didn’t help is that the movie itself has only garnered middling reviews across the board, with many deeming it a “bland tale that is nice to watch, but little else.”

Neither Chauve nor LaRue had any sort of media appearance since, and our request for comment was declined by their agency.

 

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CLOSING: Readers Comments on Last Weeks Stories

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April 30th, 2032

Paris, Everywhere

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AS ALWAYS, to close out the week, here are a few comments we received on last weeks stories.

The Nimble Duo returns!

  • “You always try and make them seem like the bad guys, and I don’t understand why. They take from those that have too much anyway, so they’re doing nothing wrong!” (Mr. S)
  • “It’s terrorists like these why the government was forced to take action! It’s only a matter of time before they catch and kill them!” (Mr. P)

Flower, Power, Tryhard

  • “What the fuck did I just read?? I thought this was a reputable newspaper, so why do you spread such lies?!” (Mrs. J)
  • “Finally someone recognizes that they are trying to oppress us all! Fantastic article!!” (Mr. A)

 

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CLOSING (P.S.): Jokes of the week

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April 30th, 2032

Paris, Joke HQ

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FINALLY, to close out the week, here are the jokes we laughed about the hardest this week.

  • Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.
  • Shout out to the people that don’t know what the opposite of in is!
  • What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? A 50 cents concert featuring Nickelback
  • I want to be cremated as it is my last hope for a smoking hot body
  • I saw a sign that said falling rocks, so I tried, and it doesn’t.

 

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And that does it for now! My oh my, I wonder what all this could mean?!?! Probably nothing, but... it COULD!

Seriously though, this is meant as a little... companion piece? to my anniversary story next month.

So, until then, tell me what you thought of this little... thing and I see you... soon-ish!


Submitted: April 30, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Arcturus. All rights reserved.

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