Breaking Walmart

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic

How I was banned from ever working at a Walmart. Fun tips for alienating employers and burning bridges.

It was January 1st 2013 and I was without work and on the verge of suicide. Major depression had a funny way of creeping up on a person when they were most vulnerable. However my situation then was no different from any other episode I had since graduating high school so I kept telling myself Walmart would call back.

While I waited for an invite to my first job interview I reflected on just how I got that job interview. Daily I would crank call the electronics department of the Walmart in Cambridge MN in the hope that I could drive someone mad enough at the department store to put in their two weeks notice and quit. The calls would always be during times when they had been very busy. Sometimes I would shout things over the phone like "Go to hell you worthless mother fucker!" or "I am going to force feed you my shit you lazy whore!" When this did not have the desired effect I got very creative and played recordings from porn videos of women in the heat of orgasm. After weeks of such misdeeds I got a call for that job interview after someone quit.

The interview went well although the employer was not particulary impressed. I had very poor work experience going into the job but the void I had intentionally created in that department had to be filled by someone, at least until a more suitable replacement could be found. Thus I was hired as a temporary employee!

The job was part time and meant to end around June 31 but I was just jumping with joy that I finally had something to do besides watch sleazy erotic wrestling on the internet. However the work turned out to be more of a temptation than I realized. First month I worked there I began purchasing automotive chemicals and flushing them down the toilets in an effort to get the store fined by the EPA because female coworkers always shunned me while male coworkers made it clear that they would not tolerate me trying to date women they had an interest in. I had no friends and was considered useless by management. Eventually when june 1st came around I lashed out in a major way.

I began to look on my male coworkers with envious eyes seeing them getting all the attention from female coworkers and customers. I singled out one in particular Cody! He was nothing special but the leadership showed him favoritism because he had considerable experience over me and a family member in management. So I began collecting junk Walmart receipts in the parking lot and waited.

Walmart has an internet survey system that people can use after their shopping experience based on a code located at the bottom of the receipt. So when I had enough of these  I flooded the website with dozens of complaints about cody often involving homosexual acts. Although it did not get him fired the once unbreakable man was nothing more then the fat slime he really was. Management slammed doors in his face just like they did to me. His hours had been cut but it did not last long. Soon the idiots who managed the store realized it was all an elaborate hoax designed to annoy them and piss on cody for no reason. They attempted to geo locate the computer responsible but I had hacked a neighbors wifi signal and physically destroyed the computer expecting someone to come asking for it eventually only no one ever did.

My stay in Cambrige ended after three write-ups involving exceedingly bad customer service so I was out for a time only to be invited back a year latter. You see, no one realized just how crazy I really was so I was still considered a potential candidate for rehire.


August 1st 2014 was the day I was rehired by Walmart at their Pine City location in the northern half of Minnesota. There I worked as a Cap Team 2 Associate unloading trucks, stocking shelves, and processing inventory. It was considered second shift and I was just happy to have permanent full time employment. The first year seemed fine. I had a good performance review and I was getting along with my supervisor Peter but I was becoming increasingly isolated and antisocial due to serious questions about my sexuality. I began obsessing over a twenty one year old cashier Jared who worked at the store and was eventually fired (in large part because of me). You see I also was a cashier there for several months and began mistreating the customers and calling them all manner of name. It was when I told a drunk customer to go fuck himself that I got my first write up and was transfered back to the cap team 2. I began spending the few remaining weeks of my job purchasing large amounts of automotive chemicals and flushing them down the drains. I kicked a toilet in the mens room breaking it and caused all kinds of damage. Soon Jared motivated by whatever stupidity decided to ape after me and also told a customer to go fuck himself when he was a people greeter. They fired him on the spot but tolerated me until I began seizing all kinds of training materials and mailing them out to prisoners I corresponded with because I was good with computers. After Jared was gone I really had no one to talk  to and began a downward spiral into termination.

After I deliberately deleted all kinds of inventory records Walmart had enough and fired me, this time for good. In the months following my termination I plotted to kill my former store manager by bashing his head in with a baseball bat but tried to hang myself instead. I had myself commited for a month after the failed suicide attempt. I was diagnosed with major depression, autism, and borderline personality disorder. Did the medication they gave me help? No! Did anything change after that? Not really.

Submitted: April 30, 2021

© Copyright 2021 The Mind Breaker. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:



Dear God I hope this is fiction!

Fri, April 30th, 2021 4:32pm

Ezra Enzo

Tough experience. Hopefully, none of this lead to anything negative in your present. Interesting, though, how I sense your desire to share this Mind Breaker. As Adam said, I do hope this is fiction. To the best for you M.B. - E.E

Fri, April 30th, 2021 5:06pm

88 fingers

Working retail is tough. I know. Hope this was just a fantasy thing.

Fri, April 30th, 2021 5:35pm

Susan Stec

Well this is definitely a story that catches attention from the first paragraph. Think about using it as an outline, and instead of telling your story, show the reader by fleshing it out with actions and dialogue as the events take place.
At first I thought your character was a narcissistic person bragging about his capabilities and others weaknesses or flaws. But it was soon clear the main character was frustrated to the point of using his intelligent and creative mind inappropriately. It definitely makes you think.
There are some sentence structure, form, and flow issues. I pointed out some of them. Correction will make the piece more powerful and easier to read, and showing it play out with action and dialogue would engage the reader more.
Hope I helped. I wish you luck,

Sat, May 8th, 2021 4:58pm

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