Dying to be born

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic

Where millions are struggling to live, there are some who are dying to be born...... This story is a peek into doors present everywhere but hidden from most of us. It is a story of undying passion to live..

 

I hope I was same as I appeared to others- "Dead".In that case, atleast I would not be dying to live. This thought never came to my mind till that day- The day I was thrown out of my home. That day, I could not decide whether I was alive earlier and now dead or I was yet to be born. 

Sticking my brown hard head out of the darker earth, I looked at my green home fluttering above -searching for any sighs, gasps or cries of losing me. All I could see was that my green siblings were busy giggling with the blowing winds. Did they even care to notice that those very winds have knocked me out of my home? Let it be!!!!!  I had never expected more from these flirtatious and fickle leaves which keep on falling for the slightest calls of winds. But my parents?? Were they able to see through these green thick tufts, my sudden fall? Or were they busy clutching these mischievious leaves and cuddling those boastful flowers? Never mind!!! I was not even sure that this was my real home, though it was safer  than these vast spaces open to sun, rain, storms and what not. 

Ripped off from evey ounce of my juicy flesh, I feel dead. Is it why I was thrown from my home like those numerous leaves which are shed when my parents think them as dead??If it so,then how I am able to feel the scorch of Sun? How the crawling ants on earth are tickling me? What is that which is beating inside me so loud? I never felt this thumping at home. I know there is something inside me knocking with all its might to come out. Why doesn't it simply come out without maddening me with shouts, cries and thumps? It was better if I was dead than listening to these deafening knocks and not knowing where to go. Even the home seems foreign to me. I hope somebody will take me where I belong. May be the earth below me will. I have heard stories of its kindness. This is where we all go to grow. My thoughts were wrapped up by the setting sun into silence. The shadow of my home began to sway when my parents started craddling my siblings into deep sleep. There I was below- Half burried- Half above, trying to catch the lullaby from the winds to get my own share of sleep. The thumps inside me wouldn't let me grab any of it.

 

For the first time in my life, I saw the moon falling from the sky and the sun rolling up lazily in its place. I have never been awake whole night to see this. May be I never was awake till yesterday. My family is still asleep as the winds are late today. I hope, till the time they are awake, I will be taken in by the earth below. I dont want to show those jesty leaves my tired eyes and helpless face lest they will laugh at my inability to be on my own. 

The life around me came to life slowly as the Sun wased them with light. On other days, I enjoyed this warmth. But today, lying bare in open, these are smoldering claws for me. When is this earth going to invite me down and what do these loud cries inside me want anyway? From yesterday, I have not gone even an inch further inside earth and up & up is climbing the stubborn Sun. Away from the shelter of home, I am an easy target for him now. One, then two, then three - Drop by drop, it is squeezing out the water from me. I like my home now better than yesterday. Will they take me in after all the ill words I spoke of them? From the cushiony and covered windows of my home, the sun looked so benevolent. Now, out in the open, I can see his real cruel face. He did not let even my own sweat sit on me. He kept on sucking me ruthlessly while I was writhig on earth's bed knocking desperately at its door to take me in. The last drop was not of sweat but of my tear as I said good-bye to my life. But these crazy thumps inside me will not let me die soon.

 

Today, the Sun is hiding behind the clouds, perhaps ashamed of what he did to me yesterday. Except for this, I don't see any change in the life surrounding me. As usual, my home is swinging in all its green glory above and here I am, between the above and below. The earth is not as kind as I heard in stories from wind. Stuck between two worlds, I have become drier than yesterday and the thumps louder. Only two days have passed since my fall but I feel years older and seasoned but somehow Paused. Paused, when life around me is crawling with ants, moving with leaves and flying with birds.What is this pause for is yet out of my knowing. Except, it makes me long more for life, cry for life. Only, I neither have life nor tears after yesterday. Only the thumps in me seem to have a life of their own as they are growing day by day.

 

Moon fall, Birds call, Sun up, Stars pop, Wind blow, Trees grow, Ants crawl, Leaves Brawl. I saw every bit of these for six months, half burried in earth. But interestingly, every sun rise and every moon fall was different. I see change all around me and thankfully, something inside me is also changing- The thumps are growing. Still bigger change is hanging all over the sky- Big Black Bold clouds- Giver of life. The sight of them pulls out hard at the thing beating inside me but it is reluctant to come out. If it doesn't want to come out, then why doesn't it stop thumping and let me die in peace? 

Looking at life in its full strength above, I feel both Bold to live and intimidated to give up. I am only a sucked up, half-burried, lonely and forever waiting "seed". Can I carry something as grand as life iteself? My thoughts were broken in middle by a loud declaration from a thunder above. As the white thunder roared through the grey sky, I was suddenly split in a dying pain to live and the clouds above me broke in tears. 

Washed by their tears, the life within me started kicking in every direction only to be ocassionally stopped by my cries of hurt. What could have been worse? Even my own cries died. Only pain lived. A deep heavy pain. Heavy enough to explode me into pieces but not enough to let me sink inside earth. The white boulders of rain hit me in every direction from outside and my inside was waiting to be exploded.

Before, I could settle myself in this new pain, storm started to slap incessantly at my home. Some leaves and branches had to give in to placate the storm so that the rest of the family could live. When I shifted my attention from my numbing pain to the chaos in my home, group of soft winds came, lifting me by my arms, dragging me out of it. Turning to take a last look at my home, I was not sure whether my last shouts were from pain or from the shock of leaving my family in storm.

 

We always assume that we are experiencing worst in present moment until we go through something worse in the next.I cannot say anything for this moment.

Flowing in the river into which I was thrown by the winds, I am not in any kind of authority. I think I never was. I can say all this after going through the fall ,the pause, the rain, the storm. Only the desire for life and the pain of not being born is mine to claim. Whether or not capable of creating it, I will always remain awed with life- The changing sky above, the dwindling river below which is taking me somewhere. I hope it is taking me where I belong. I hope the life keeps kicking me from inside even if I am dead ouside. Desire and Pain are what which are keeping me alive and I dont want to be dead.......


Submitted: May 02, 2021

© Copyright 2021 varsha06. All rights reserved.

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