I am King Customer

Reads: 90  | Likes: 2  | Shelves: 1  | Comments: 6

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Cover photo taken in North Hollywood, CA, graffiti artist unknown.

I am King Customer

The servants were rude to me today!

I live in the land where Customer is King.

And this is the crown I’m wearing today.



The angry comments on Nextdoor multiply in the millions.

Uh oh.

Daddy’s angry.

What can we do though?... The managers say.

They are the CUSTOMER.






“Did you see that person roaming around outside of WalMart today?”

The customers are white hot with RAGE.

“Do not feed them or they’ll never leave.”

“They don’t belong here!!!”

But the unwanted and ungodly people stay and stay…

Quickly, the customers have HAD ENOUGH.

Posting on Nextdoor just doesn’t cut it anymore!

They raise their skull & cross bones on their Golf Cart Colt 45 Camaros and gather in Walmart parking lots around the globe

 Gracefully, they grab their shopping carts from their arsenal one by one

And begin to chant ominously in the parking lot

“We are KING”

“We are KING”

“We are KING”


The crowd goes WILD as they charge toward the perimeter with their buying power

The ground rumbles with the power of a dollar

Faster and faster, they run

The frontline of customers barely breaches the perimeter, when…

The wheels on the carts LOCK on cue at the property line

And the customers fly over the handlebars

A bloody mess, what a massacre of consumer trust!

King customer lays knocked out on the grass

As an employee arrives to return the carts

He awakens from his dreary slumber and grips the cart

“No no! That’s my cart! I’m RIGHT!! I’m RiGhghhtT!!!”

He tries to keep the cart as she tugs at it and forces it from his hands.

The employee looks back at the former customer and smiles wide.

“I’m sorry, but you’re no longer our customer, as you’ve crossed the property line”

He looks into her eyes with agony and lets out a puny yelp


The ailing king now lays there stripped of his powers, weak and vulnerable, and ever so cold

The employee turns back again and inches closer to whisper something in his ear

My dear… I only make $7.25 an hour within the walls of this WalMart…

So… as far as I’m concerned, beyond this perimeter…

The King is DEAD.







The disgraced royalty drag themselves to the depths of the internet where they make their homes on neighborhood social media apps and they shout and shout how they’ve been wronged straight into the void… but alas, no one that matters will hear, but…

I’ll tell ya somethin, and this is a guarantee! Someone will absolutely take screenshots of their silly complaints, and post them on the internet, and we will laugh and laugh about them, HEHE.

Submitted: May 03, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Roxanne Byrne. All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments:


Serge Wlodarski

I need to get me a Golf Cart Colt 45 Camaro.

Mon, May 3rd, 2021 10:54am


Hahaha, just give me a week and I'll get back to ya with the deets on where to find one lol

Mon, May 3rd, 2021 1:55pm

88 fingers

I work in retail. I'm actually reading this on my break were I work. :(

Mon, May 3rd, 2021 2:02pm


That’s not quite an escape huh? I remember when I worked at my first job at a grocery store I would have dreams that empty shopping carts would show up in a line at my bedside. lol I was like come on brain, please let me sleep!

Thanks for reading and commenting! I hope you weren’t offended or anything. I was definitely trying to poke fun at this culture of entitled customers. I would never intend to make fun of customer service employees.

Mon, May 3rd, 2021 12:44pm

Ezra Enzo

This was super fun to read, and I find the message/topic interesting. Working at a store and seeing the world pass by can feel like a whole different things than anything else in the world, and you nailed it Rox. Keep up the great work! - E.E

Mon, May 3rd, 2021 2:33pm


Aw thank you so much Ezra!! I'm so glad you liked it!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment :)

Mon, May 3rd, 2021 1:54pm

88 fingers

Nah...I wasn't offended. You wrote what I see. At my store we have a problem with gravity. The gravitational pull is so strong at my store that the customers will take items off the shelves and leave them on the floor. Gravity prevents them from putting it back on the shelf. But I seem to have no problem with the stores gravity.

Mon, May 3rd, 2021 9:51pm


Oh my god, wowwwwww. That dang gravity! I guess they have developed their own orbit, considering they are the center of everything after all lol.

Mon, May 3rd, 2021 3:47pm

D. Thurmond aka JEF

A fun read. But on the other hand, I realized that as soon as the employees left Wal*Mart, they consumed elsewhere and became the Kings and Queens. Oh how cruel the finger of the fate! LOL

Thu, May 6th, 2021 9:28pm

Facebook Comments

Boosted Content from Other Authors

Short Story / Action and Adventure

Book / Action and Adventure

Short Story / Romance

Short Story / Non-Fiction

Other Content by Roxanne Byrne

Short Story / Memoir

Poem / Poetry