Phone call

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic


Someone calling me in the middle of the night. It’s my brother.
‘Ruben? What are you doing at this hour? Why’re you calling me?’
‘I’m sorry brother but I just need to get something off my chest. I feel intoxicated tonight.’
‘Are you drunk?’
‘No, but listen. I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a long time. My soul wants to come out you see. So how can I refuse it? As Tolstoy says: ‘live for your soul, not your belly’, but I digress. Anyways, what was I saying? Oh yes, my soul. Okay listen here: I need to tell you something. Over the past few weeks, I have felt this great pain inside my body. I have never quite been able to place it… until now. Tonight I feel like I share it with you. It will be my confession. Are you ready to hear my confession?’
‘Go ahead, I’m listening.’
‘Splendid. Well, I feel this great weight of humanity on my soul. I know how it sounds, but gimme a chance. I have been feeling this great pain... I have been unable to love, until now I have been unable. But today I feel like I can see. Today no thoughts cloud my mind; nothing separates me from the other. We’re all in the same boat. I truly realise this. We’re all so blessed and loved by the grace of God. God is inside all of us you see. He lives inside us and comes out whenever he wants to come out. But now I see it, and I feel free! I love you dear brother. I have never said this out loud but I love you. You’re an angel descended from heaven. Whatever comes between us, whatever may happen, I will always love you. You’re more innocent than you think. We’re all God’s children, and you’re no different. You may disagree with me, but it’s the truth. I see it clearly now. Nothing can separate you from me. Whatever you say, whatever you do, I don’t care. I see your soul better than you. I see it laid on a platter before me. So don’t try to pretend. You will only be neglecting your soul from the truth. There is no point in being scared. God has given us all that we need. There is air. There are trees. What more could we want! God has given us all these beautiful gifts, and we take them for granted every second of our lives! But tonight I see, tonight I see the truth. The night is quiet. The birds are sleeping. But I am alight! I have been unshackled, and want to scream into the night. Anyways, lemme tell you a little story now, if you don’t mind. So sit down, get comfortable. One night I was watching an animated movie about a boy who loses his hand and his hand travels through Paris to come back to him. Now, you may think this is stupid, but it is more intelligent than you think. This hand represents his innocence, his playfulness. When he has lost his hand it is a metaphor for the tragedy of adulthood. We simply stop playing. Our grief, our trauma, binds us to the ground, stops us from flying. And so when I watched this animation it related to me. I felt personally touched. I felt as if God was coming down into my room and directly speaking to me. I swear whenever we feel bliss that is when God is most present. Anyways, so I watched the movie and then I had the craziest idea. I say crazy not because it is crazy but because it is so unexpected of me. For some reason I had the idea to just go outside, in the middle of the night, and just go to the shore, and let the sea speak to me. And so that’s exactly what I did. I drove down to the ocean as if it was expecting me, waiting for me. I knew God was there. I made no decision. There was no thought. But I went anyways. I feel this is the moment when God is with us. When we stop thinking, when we stop being in our tiny little heads with our narrow world-views, and step out into the great expanse of the world and just breathe the air and trees. It is only then that we become truly infinite. Anyways, so I went to the beach, I found this really secluded spot, amongst the rocks, and I waited. The waves were crashing down in a thunder, almost trying to suck me in. I stood as close as possible, on the precipice if you will, and I listened to the rage. Not once did my mind think ‘jump: give yourself up completely’ because I was no more in control. Whatever was gonna happen would happen… I didn’t know if I was going to die that night, and this is what set me free. Anyways, the point is… Oh hell I don’t know. I just wanted to tell this little story to you. My near-suicide. I hope you don’t think any less of me. If it makes you feel any better you should know that it was not me. Whatever was controlling me that night was certainly not me. And when I say ‘me’ I mean my body, my sense of ‘self’. No, it was definitely something bigger, definitely something beyond anything I could understand. I was a part of the universe, just like I am tonight. You may think I am crazy but so what? As Van Gogh says: ‘a grain of madness is what is best…’. I have never been freer… Listen… I realise there is no point to this conversation, and I have called you in the middle on the night for nothing, and you may very well be annoyed that I have awakened you for nothing, but if you just gotta remember one thing it is this: I love you and I will never stop loving you. You’re a part of the Earth, and no one can take that away from you. We’re all God’s creation, and so we’re all equal. I realise how words are futile, and how I have probably done a terrible job at expressing what I want to express, but I don’t care. That is part of Nature. We will never be able to control everything; everything will escape our grasp. That is just human law, no matter which way you look at it. Anyways I have probably tired you even more now and I shall let you sleep. Have a good night brother.’
He hung up. I went back to bed. For some reason that phone call seemed pretty normal to me. It didn’t surprise me, even though it was the craziest thing I had ever heard. ‘Ruben has definitely gone insane’, I thought to myself, smiling.

 


Submitted: May 03, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Theo Villepo. All rights reserved.

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