My Anxiety Has Super Powers

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic

My Anxiety has the power to help teach people to be more careful with medically fragile people. The itchy welts rose on contact. Every where she touched, the welts rose.

The power of anxiety is something else. I have learned - My anxiety has super powers.

I am blessed to have some unusual  allergies. Life gets extra challenging when you are allergic to pressure and even some other people. I have a skin condition known as derma-graphia, or writing on the skin. The pressure can come from you leaning against or sitting on hard surfaces, or from a grab, a sustained handhold or even pokes can raise an itchy welt that looks bad, but it just itches. There is no cure for derma-graphia, yet. The welts can last anywhere from 45 min to about 4 hours, and about 48 hours at the max (from my experiences).

In addition, I have a genetic predisposition to people who do not have my blood type. I won't hurt the others, (unless they, too have my genetics) but living my life has taught me that others can hurt me, sometimes very seriously. These people weren't likely trying to do me harm, but life happens.

Very few people, in my life wanted to intentionally hurt me, but an under-informed person can be really dangerous to a medically fragile persons.

Because of my underlying medical challenges, I have developed such an aversion to most medical doctors and that whole experience of being touched, poked and proded. Well meaning or not, ugly has happened. 

My anxiety has super powers. It does. Because the minute I learn some1 else is poisonous to me, my body starts acting out.  Almost screaming to other people No. No. NO!

A recent experience, happened while visiting my doctor's office, my normally safe doctor wasn't available. I swallowed and tried to calm my everything. (I can do this, I can do this, repeat). I decided to make small talk. I needed to know what I was dealing with. So I innocently asked about everyone's blood types. I quickly learned the newer doctor and his new nurse were both poison to me. I sagged against the wall. I felt faint. In hindsight, I should have just rescheduled, but I tried to push past my rising anxiety.

My turn came and the new nurse took my BP and my pulse and we both watched as her hand prints raised welts everywhere they touched me. She looked more closely at the welts, shifting her hands as looked. More welts rose up. I told her to stop (touching me), but she didn't listen - she was mesmerized by my body's instant reactions to her touch and pokes. 

Too Soon - I was a mess of itchy welts and my breathing was fully labored. My labored breath woke up The nurse. She muttered, "Oh my! Let me call The doctor."  I winced, at the thought of more poison.

The nurse, paused and called the doctor. She asked, "What do you do for that?" I told her, "I take Benadryl or my pills and get away from the poison." She got a puzzled look on her face and asked, "What poison?" I replied, "All of you here today, are poison to me. But in truth, this whole place is, with all my allergies."

I explained the information in my medical file for her. She admitted, she had NOT read my file, yet (????????scary). And She sat thinking and looking at me and I looked wary eyed at her, after I got in my backpack at took 1 of my hydroxyzine tablets to continue the healing.

The doctor came in and took one look, recoiled and said, we didn't do that. I said, "You are only partially correct. My anxiety has super powers. It can instantly manifest someone's else' actions on my body, namely these pokes and handprints. But I had help.
Today, you have to let me go. ( In my past, some doctor's refused to let me leave.) I continued, I will reschedule with my regular safer doctor and nurse staff. Thank you for letting me teach you that some kinds of anxiety have super powers."

They let me leave and I left by way of the staff door, so I wouldn't scare their other clients. I was already healing, but I still looked a mess.

My anxiety can heighten my other medical reactions. My anxiety is a teaching to people, as much as I do not like having anxiety - it is helpful at times.

Submitted: May 03, 2021

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