What I did with my Stimulus cards

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Universal Library Press New York

Something that I think we should all be talking about regardless of our politics is what we did with our Stimulus payments and what we witnessed others using it for.

I'm not saying I am a good or morally decent person. If anything I am a deligent and hardworking man like most other Americans. We can all agree on one thing and that is money has its uses. Speaking of money, I wanted to reflect on our stimulus payments. You know! That Visa Debit card Uncle Sam sent you in the mail to apologize for failing to produce vaccine quickly enough. For me the first one was five hundred dollars and the second one was one thousand four hundred dollars.

Even though most people are too trapped in their own private hell to question what his neighbor is doing with the stimulus money I will be the first to tell the truth about my uses for the apologitic hand-out. The first stimulus paid for rent and food. That was the normal rational me. However! I have been employed during the entire Covid-19 Epidemic and the second and larger cash card I became all consumed with.

True I used some of it for bills but I had other ideas going forward. I bought thirteen American Silver Eagles for $768.79 from a seedy Ebay dealer who cheated me on three of the coins. I am in the middle of a complicated bidding war for 666 freshwater pearls and if I win will spend the remaining forty dollars of the relief money.

My father very stupidly spent his first stimulus card on a bunch of junk gold rings below 24 karats. Two of the most expensive rings turned out to be plated steel and the other was 18 karats costing hundreds of dollars.  The second stimulus he received turned out pretty much the same way only this time he bought a big screen TV which he added to the two others sitting in the living room and an eletric tread mill so that he could walk while watching his new TV. It may surprise many of you to know that my father has been unemployed his entire adult life and has been living on disability benefits already costing tax payers like you and me a God Damn fortune. He got an incredible kick when he found out he could blow more of your dollars on meaningless toys. His exact words still being "FUCK the Minneapolis Police" 

Mother was wiser and used it for bills, gas and food. Oh wait a seocnd! She bought over fifty Blu ray discs costing one hundred dollars and she lost most of them already. Tisk! Tisk! Sorry Mr.Biden and Donald. I guess your genius move really was not so wise after all considering what my customers have been using it for.

I will not disclose where I work or for which company. What I will say is that my employer's number one seller is scratch games. One crack whore came in during the night and bought over five hundred dollars in scratch games and lost on every single one of them. I suppose Biden really is laughing his ass all the way to the bank even if it was not the intended use for the stimulus. I had hundreds of people doing this on my till each and every day  until all their money was gone. They paid the idiot tax! All that money went from the Federal Government to the tax payer and then to the state controlled lotteries. Someone in the federal government was very clever and devised a triangle trade in which almost all that money went back into the governments hands anyway. 

See if the congress, the president, the courts, or the senate had any common sense they would have put clear limitations on what that money could be used for like they do with the EBT cards( Oh wait! I'm talking about the government that turned me lose from a state mental hospital. Common sense? More like drunk on their own ego). What did it really achieve for those of us who at least made a plausible investment with the money or paid bills. I got cheated on three coins and even if I win my 666 pearls will they even be real when they arrive on my door step three weeks late?

If you have yet to receive your money or are trying to think of a good use for it then I beg you to be better then the rest of us and just give it to a charity of your choice or a neighbor in need if you have no bills. Why bother adding to this nation wide stupidity by being another greedy, selfish, toilet bug of a human being like me or those losers I call customers?


Submitted: May 04, 2021

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