Printer Paper

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Abandoned

This is why there are believed to be fewer female killers in the world, we are just simple smarter.

I sat down at my desk and adjust my chair before I turned on the computer. It took a minute for it to boot up and then I pulled up Booksie. I did a search and found the stories I was looking for. I read one after another looking for one that just felt right.

It was a few hours later when I found it. I reread it a few times just to double-check. Then I turned to the printer. I pulled the paper tray and found it empty. I looked in my desk drawers and couldn’t find the ream I had just bought.

“Martha...Martha” I called for my wife.

“What do you need Herold?”

“The printer paper where is it?”

“In your bottom left-hand drawer, under your magazines.”

“My magazines?” I pulled out the drawer and looked again seeing the adult magazines. “I’m just holding onto them for Carl.”

“Carl is gay dear, he wouldn’t want to look at naked women.”

I pulled the printer paper out as I cursed Carl for being gay. The next mistake I made she would throw those magazines in my face because Carl liked getting his fudge packed. I slam the drawer back into the printer and turned back to the computer.

A few seconds later the story was printing out and I snatched it off. I pulled the middle drawer open looking for a highlighter. I cursed again when I couldn’t find one.

“Martha where are the highlighters?”

“In your right-hand drawer with your cigars.”

I was about to claim they weren’t mine but decided not to say anything. I pulled out a highlighter and went to work. I went through the story twice to make sure I knew everything I would need. Stuffing the pages in my pocket I started to leave, that is when it hit me and I rushed back over to clear my computer’s history.

“I’m going to run out for a bit darling.”

Well you are out can you pick up a gallon of milk?”

“Yes, dear.”


When I came in the back door Martha was sitting at the kitchen table reading.

“Did you get the gallon of milk?”

I groaned. “I forgot.”

“It is ok you were so focused on getting the stuff you need to murder me I guess.”


“You should clear the printer memory also darling. But you will have to come up with another one.”

“Why … I mean …”

“Save it, this story is good, but it just won’t work for you. Let’s start with the murder itself. Bludgeon me to death really Herold with your back. You would throw it out with the first hit and then what? Next, you have to move the body to the garage or the basement. Again your back Herold.”

I dropped into the seat across from her and looked at the tabletop.

“Now disposing of the body, you plan to cut me up with a chainsaw. They are loud so the neighbors may just hear and wonder about that. Plus it will be spraying blood everywhere, you are going to cover everything in plastic sheeting and duck tape. Of course, buying that much plastic sheeting and duck tape will leave a trail. The clean-up idea of bleach and ammonia might get rid of all the blood, but you were never really good at cleaning so there will be blood left. Plus the chainsaw is going to score the cement which the police will notice.”

I pour myself a glass of ice tea and took a drink.

“So how would you do it?”

“Simple I would just make sure you had an allergic reaction to let's say the peanut oil I put in the ice tea and once you are gone I’ll call the cops all distraught.”

I gasped as I felt my throat begin to swell shut. I tried to stand but I could barely breathe.

“I told him, officer, he needed to pick up more epee pens but he never listens to me,” I heard Martha say with a giggle as my face hit the table.

Submitted: May 13, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Gypsy Rose. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:


Danni Lee

That makes me laugh. I love it and sometimes wish people I knew were allergic to something I could give them. Beautiful work.

Fri, May 14th, 2021 12:26am


More people die of 'accidents' than murder Danni you need to figure out how to arrange that accident.

Sat, May 29th, 2021 10:37am

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