The lack

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

In Normandy, a young woman, mother, learns the true origins of her mother and her biological grandmother.


Hello, my name is Nicole Lucille Jean, I was born on 10 March 1984 in Mont-Saint-Aignan near Rouen, in Normandy. I was born into a rather average family at first sight.

My father, Marcel Henry Jean, was born on 24 September 1949 in Duclair, in the family home, which is about twenty kilometres from Rouen. He had a difficult childhood, his alcoholic father beat his mother in front of him and his brothers and sisters, until the day when the latter killed the mother of the family. As the eldest of the siblings, he started working at an early age to support his younger brothers and sisters, as an apprentice butcher. In 1969, my father met a young woman, the most beautiful in town, Thérèse Marie Duval, born on 12 July 1953 in Rouen. It was difficult for him to seduce her, as my mother was very beautiful and was courted by many men, but this did not prevent him from proving to her that his love for her was really sincere.

At the beginning of 1971, the two decided to make their love a reality and got married on 19 June of that year. They had their first stillborn child, Vincent Daniel Jean, on 24 January 1972. It was a tragedy for my mother who was so anxious to give birth, she took a long time to get over it... Then they had my brother Etienne Jacques Jean, born on 17 April 1974 in Mont-Saint-Aignan. They were finally fulfilled. A few years later, they had another child, my sister, Mélissa Henriette Jean, born on 8 June 1977 in Mont-Saint-Aignan. My parents, aware of my mother's health problems, did not want to have any more children. The fear of losing a second child haunted them. Six years later my mother became pregnant again, I was not wanted... But my parents took the risk of keeping me. But my parents took the risk of keeping me. My mother was very closely monitored because of her illness. When I was growing up, around 6-7 years old, I asked my parents questions about their origins, my father answered willingly but my mother was not... She would dodge the subject whenever she could!

I will always remember that day, Friday May 3, 1996, when my mother called us. MelissaEtienne and I came into the living room, our father was still at work. She sat us down around the table and said, "Children, you are all old enough to understand now, I am going to tell you about my origins". She started to tell us about her family life with her parents.

She says, "I have always lived in this house, it was my parents' house, we got it from them... I am a child from the DDASS*, I only understood that when I was 8 years old. My parents, Michel François Moreau and Henriette Aline Rigault Moreau, brought me up and educated me as one of their children. Of course my life was not rosy, I was often dressed in grey, which was the colour worn by the children of the DDASS at the time. At school everyone knew and in the village too, I was a bit isolated from my friends...

My father was a former general in the French army during the Second World War, my mother worked in her parents' butcher's shop as a saleswoman. Before me, my parents had four natural children, AlbertFrançoiseMarie-France and Didier, then they had me, and afterwards they were given two children who were placed very young, they did not have time to grow up with us.

I think I was also hard on my peers, because they made me feel like I was from the DDASS, the bullying bothered me. At times I was angry at my parents for taking me in. Now I just understand that my parents wanted to help me by taking me in. I didn't have that perspective to understand when I was younger".

I was wondering about my mother... Her life, why she was telling us this, that day. I didn't ask her any questions at the time, I just kept listening to her...

"Despite my problems with the other pupils at school, I was a pretty good pupil, I liked to apply myself during dictations. Madame Masson, my teacher at the time, liked to repeat it to the class and to my parents. In addition to this, I had a passion for history, because my father had been in the war, which encouraged me to study this subject.

At the age of 14, I wondered who my real parents could be, why they had not kept me with them. I had so many questions to ask them, so much hatred towards them even though I didn't know them... Probably because I was missing something, which my parents tried to fill, but it wasn't enough I think, especially with the "hearsay" of the other students' parents, the students themselves and some inhabitants of the town...

As I grew up I found that my mother became jealous of me, my father looked after me very well, I think he loved me more than my mother. The arguments intensified when I was 16. I didn't understand why my mother resented the fact that my father looked after me properly. Maybe she would have liked more attention, looking back.

After yet another argument with my mother, I told her that she is not really my mother anyway, and my mother slapped me and started to cry. She was very saddened by what I had just told her, at first out of pride, I didn't want to apologise. I waited for three hours before I went to apologise to her. I went to her side, took her in my arms and asked for forgiveness.

At this point, our relationship changed for the better, as my mother decided to reveal the true identity of my biological mother. Her name was "Géraldine Duval". I finally had my biological mother's name, but not my father's. My mother told me that her identity had not been filled in on the official documents.

I continued to live my life, I met your father who courted me and expressed his love. Before I got involved with him, I thought I should meet my biological mother and find out more about my true family background. I asked my mother for my mother's file, she gave it to me and told me that my birth mother lived in a different place than the one indicated in the file. She told me that she had made inquiries because she thought I would like to know one day where I came from.

I began to think about what I should do, should I see the one who gave birth to me or not, so as not to be disappointed? ? I didn't know what I wanted anymore as the days went by...

I decided to go and meet my biological mother. I went from Duclair to Canteleu, that's where she lived. I was stressed, very anxious, I didn't know how our interview would go. I had hardly slept for two days. I arrived in Canteleu by bus, at the time there weren't many buses between the two towns. So I didn't have to hang around in the town. I would ask passers-by for directions because I didn't know this town at all, I had to go to 13 allées des Saules, 1st floor left.

I arrived in front of the building where she, my biological mother, had lived for years. I went up to the first floor, I rang the bell, I felt sick... I don't know what to expect. The door opens, I see in front of me a little old lady, ugly with bottle bottom glasses... I thought that given my size and beauty, there was no connection between us. I thought I was wrong but she asked me "Which one are you?". I realised that it was my mother and that I had brothers and sisters... I told her who I was, hoping to get some answers from her...

She made me a coffee so we could talk. She was used to it, she told me that one of my sisters came last week for the same purpose... She told me that I have five sisters and one brother, which intrigued me and I asked her where our father was... In her eyes I understood that something was wrong and she told me "I don't know, the guy did his business and knocked me up like the others". I was confused, I didn't understand... She added "You still don't understand, I'm a whore! At that time there were no condoms available like for you now!". I was completely shocked, after that I decided that I would not see her again and that I would not talk about it until today".

I understood my mother's shame, her childhood, her hardness with the three of us on that day...




DDASS The Departmental Directorate of Health and Social Affairs, better known under the acronym DDASS, is a deconcentrated French departmental administration of the State intervening in the field of health, social and medico-social policies.

Submitted: May 23, 2021

© Copyright 2021 MrGuyguy. All rights reserved.

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