Life Lessons Men Taught Me

Reads: 58  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 0

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

At one time or another, I was married or worked with all of these men. ALL of them are hilarious. We laughed our way through the dating and marriage and even the divorces. Since I have not had a real date since 2004, that is the only aspect of a relationship I miss. I am crazy Comical, believe it or not. I love these guys, God bless them. They made Life fun.

Life Lessons Men Taught Me

 

I Might Have Been Married To Most Of Them.

 

By Alexander Guinevere Kern

 

5-21-2021

 

 

Life Lessons:

 

  1. You can’t trust anyone.
  2. You can never really know anyone, including and especially yourself.
  3. You can’t make anybody love you.
  4. You can’t build a marriage on the back of another one.
  5. Anything that can happen - will.
  6. If a man hits you before the marriage, he will after the marriage.
  7. Most people are venal, bestial and evil at their core. They want power, sex and money and status. Any other pursuit is not worth their notice. They wear whatever mask they must in order to go along to get along, but they are always scheming . . . silently . . . - “what can I get out of this?”
  8. Behind every Saint, is a Sinner hiding.
  9. The more religious a person appears, the less he/she believes in God.
  10. God’s very Essense is to be creative. He did not play dice with the Universe, AND he loves to roll the dice fairly often for His own amusement.
  11. You can’t trust Source’s Heaven worth a damn.
  12. Figures never lie, but Liars do figure. (Joe Dozzi, I love and miss you.)
  13. You can want in one hand and shit in the other and see which one gets filled first. (Ed Maneely, I love and miss you.)
  14. Everybody is living in their own Private Idaho.  You are not invited. See Notes 1 & 2.
  15. “It’s all about dollars and cents, Gwendolyn.”  (Head Surveyor at Cordero, Steadman and Ward. I was horrified that it might be true! I went into a deep depression for 6 months after he said that.)
  16. Gwennalyn, I’m never going to drink again.” (Bill, my alcoholic boss. Gargled, then Barfed LOUDLY all morning in the commode behind my DESK. Forgot his glasses and wallet in every bar in Baltimore. Every morning Michelle, our secretary, had to field the calls: “Bill left his glasses/wallet here last night.” No one ever stole them. He told me often, “I don’t remember driving home last night.”). <—— Nor could he see the road, since he left his glasses in some BAR.
  17. Freddy:  "Any man will Ace any woman, Bunny.”
  18. Freddy: < Sees man with his hand in his pocket > “Hey, man! Playing pocket pool?”
  19. Freddy: < Sees same man with hand out of pocket >. “So, now it’s an Away Game?”
  20. “Don’t TELL people anything! They will only use it against you!” (Ex-husband Marc.)
  21. “Make a print copy of everything you write online.” Marc, life saver!
  22. “Love is the Only Thing That Is Real.”  “Love Is All There Is” ~~ The Alleged “Source of All That Is.” <—- See note number 11. “Earth is a School Play. Earth is a Game. Earth is a School. It is an Action Planet.” (Instead, EARTH IS A PRISON PLANET FOR JUVENILE DELINQUENTS, run by the greatest Delinquent of them all, Satan, Sameel.)
  23. “Stop the Grinnin’ and drop the linen!” (George)
  24. “Hey, baby, shake a leg!” (George)
  25. < Secretary looking for daily work hours logbook >. George: “I got your logbook right here, Baby!”  ::::  Points to crotch :::::
  26. To another Secretary, walking past her, without even looking at her: “Hey, Baby, show us your tits.”
  27. Joe Dozzi: “What? Why are you cotton your spaghetti?”  (He was raised in Philly.)
  28. George: “You wanna know what? What? My ass hairs? You are familiar with them? That’s WHAT!”

29) George:  < mocking me, his wife > “I’m a GEEEENIUS!”

30) George:  < mocking me, his wife > “I’m not going there!”

31) Arlene, his wonderful mother < I think he needs to see a psychiatrist, I really do. GEORGE!” >

32) George's Mother, talking to Bob, George’s Father: :::: Sighhhh :::::  “Oh, BOB!”  ( Another wise-ass, evil comment from Bob, just like GEORGE.” )

33) What they all called me:  Fred < Bunny, Buns >. S <Pumpkin Dumplin’, Pumpkin Darlin’, GA-WEH-EN. > Phil Myers: < HONEY! >. George: “GWEN!” Marc: “Sveetie, The Sweet.”  My SIL: “GWEN! Gwendolina!” Keith: < “GWAN. BATCH!” >

34) George to my Four year old daughter: “So, do you have to make? Do you have to make a doody? Do you have to make sissy?”

35) George: “I’m George H. The H stands for Hung Well.”  (It was really HOWARD.)

 

What I called the Beautiful Killer: “Satan.” (I think his real name is John.)

 

What John called ME: <Nothing>

 

I love you still, John,  but you need to see a psychiatrist. Like, in Bloodfellow.

 


Submitted: May 23, 2021

© Copyright 2021 RexMundi555'.-. All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments:


Facebook Comments