Someone

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Sometimes you need someone.

This wasn’t the first time I did this. I was hoping it would be the last. The exhaustion, the pain of it was all too much. He did this to me. I haven’t eaten since it happened because of the image forever burned in my mind. My head has been swimming with their laughter and their voices, as I read every message, they sent in the group chat.

 

The mockery of the situation isn’t what hurts the most, it’s the fact that he caused it. He took something from me which I gave him because of the amount of love I have for him. He became one of the people in my life that takes from me and abuses the trust I put in them. I was expecting him to break my heart, but I never expected him to break me. I wasn’t aware that someone could ever do this to another person, but he never considered me a person, not really. In his eyes I was only a source of entertainment, a way to alleviate his boredom and to cope with his own problems.

 

Even breaking every mirror in the house hasn’t installed any amount of peace in my soul.

 

Arriving at my goal I sat down on the wooden bench. The stories it must have seen, how many before me have been in the same amount of pain sitting here? How many succeeded at what I have been driven to do to shut off the voices in my head?

 

I lit up a cigarette but it feels empty. It doesn’t feel calming as it usually does. It only makes me remember all of the instances it calmed me when he said something that hurt me. It won’t calm the voices this time. This time, there were too many of them and they won’t be silenced as easily as before.

 

A girl on a green bicycle passes next to me. Her blond hair looks like a golden halo in the morning sun. I hoped she wouldn’t experience the pain I did at her age. That was the first time my dear reader I tried to silence the voices. I was thirteen and at the time the voices weren’t as many or as loud. After three days of being in a state of unconsciousness I woke up in a panic. No one noticed I wasn’t there of course, but I decided to try to fight the voices on my own. I learned how to fight them, but as I aged, they started to get louder and they gained strength in numbers.

 

I got up from the bench and neared the railings of the fence that separated me from my final goal. The river below the bridge was colored in darker hues because of the rains that have been dripping my home town the last few days. As if the sky itself cried for what was about to follow. I was always aware that this is all that life would ever be for me. Pain. Some hurts can’t be mended and some were too great to even try. Some voices could be silenced, and some would keep screaming until I fell. I stood at the edge gripping the rails.

 

 

As I looked along the edges of the river, I saw a black shaggy dog playing with the girl who passed me. From my position I could see that she was throwing him a yellow frisbee. It was a big dog, bigger than I was used to seeing around in my neighborhood. After all, such big pets weren’t ideal companions for the people living in apartment buildings. Black fur glinted in the sun as I remembered someone.

 

Someone who was waiting for me to play with him. Someone who woke me every morning excitedly waiting what adventure the day would bring us. Someone who didn’t care about the treats people tried to give him as long as I had his favorite ball in my hand. Someone who would wonder where I went, and whose tender and small heart would not be able to understand what happened.

 

I stepped back from the fence, and begun the walk back to my home.

To Someone.

This wasn’t the first time I did this. I was hoping it would be the last. The exhaustion, the pain of it was all too much. He did this to me. I haven’t eaten since it happened because of the image forever burned in my mind. My head has been swimming with their laughter and their voices, as I read every message, they sent in the group chat.

 

The mockery of the situation isn’t what hurts the most, it’s the fact that he caused it. He took something from me which I gave him because of the amount of love I have for him. He became one of the people in my life that takes from me and abuses the trust I put in them. I was expecting him to break my heart, but I never expected him to break me. I wasn’t aware that someone could ever do this to another person, but he never considered me a person, not really. In his eyes I was only a source of entertainment, a way to alleviate his boredom and to cope with his own problems.

 

Even breaking every mirror in the house hasn’t installed any amount of peace in my soul.

 

Arriving at my goal I sat down on the wooden bench. The stories it must have seen, how many before me have been in the same amount of pain sitting here? How many succeeded at what I have been driven to do to shut off the voices in my head?

 

I lit up a cigarette but it feels empty. It doesn’t feel calming as it usually does. It only makes me remember all of the instances it calmed me when he said something that hurt me. It won’t calm the voices this time. This time, there were too many of them and they won’t be silenced as easily as before.

 

A girl on a green bicycle passes next to me. Her blond hair looks like a golden halo in the morning sun. I hoped she wouldn’t experience the pain I did at her age. That was the first time my dear reader I tried to silence the voices. I was thirteen and at the time the voices weren’t as many or as loud. After three days of being in a state of unconsciousness I woke up in a panic. No one noticed I wasn’t there of course, but I decided to try to fight the voices on my own. I learned how to fight them, but as I aged, they started to get louder and they gained strength in numbers.

 

I got up from the bench and neared the railings of the fence that separated me from my final goal. The river below the bridge was colored in darker hues because of the rains that have been dripping my home town the last few days. As if the sky itself cried for what was about to follow. I was always aware that this is all that life would ever be for me. Pain. Some hurts can’t be mended and some were too great to even try. Some voices could be silenced, and some would keep screaming until I fell. I stood at the edge gripping the rails.

 

 

As I looked along the edges of the river, I saw a black shaggy dog playing with the girl who passed me. From my position I could see that she was throwing him a yellow frisbee. It was a big dog, bigger than I was used to seeing around in my neighborhood. After all, such big pets weren’t ideal companions for the people living in apartment buildings. Black fur glinted in the sun as I remembered someone.

 

Someone who was waiting for me to play with him. Someone who woke me every morning excitedly waiting what adventure the day would bring us. Someone who didn’t care about the treats people tried to give him as long as I had his favorite ball in my hand. Someone who would wonder where I went, and whose tender and small heart would not be able to understand what happened.

 

I stepped back from the fence, and begun the walk back to my home.

To Someone.


Submitted: May 23, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Violet A. Luck. All rights reserved.

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