european schizophrenic

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Religion and Spirituality  |  House: Booksie Classic

a political and spiritual essay about the hypocrisy called life.

european schizophrenic

 

the people living in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned. 1981 was a fateful year. thats the thing about fate, its everything. everything shit, everything good. its 99% mundane when you think about it. 1982 was just as fateful, the same as every other miserable year. lesson number 1, fate is a bitch. for the purpose of this piece of writing 1981 was fateful because it was the year that i was born. something is happening to me. something is happening to me, and i dont know why. im in a place that is very, very far away. you might be able to see me and speak to me, maybe i seem real. but really, really, the truth is, i simply am not there. lesson number 2, life is a game. i believe this is the meaning behind the film american psycho. a truly amazing piece of art on so many levels. christian bale gives by far his finest performance and in my opinion he was born for the role. fate is so mundane. the movie is based on a far inferior book that was written by bret easton ellis and it was released in january 2000 at the sundance film festival. i think i had a videotape of the film before the end of the year and i loved it. maybe fifteen years later i read the book and thought like so many things that it was a waste of time. 2000 was a fateful year for me. just like every year. and it was a fateful year for the usa, whose counter culture i was drawn to. the uk media is and was obsessed with america, so their culture was our culture. i didn’t mind because with their culture came their counter culture, which greatly impressed me. i felt so isolated that i was shocked that things i actually agreed with were allowed to be made. american rock just seemed to say it as it is. shit. the truth was, and is, and always will be, that i am alone. one cannot deny ones feelings, because really, the truth is, that is all a person is. lesson number 3, fake is not real. a simple message. a simple truth. simple but always out of reach. you really can never know what other people are thinking. lots of people dont even know what they are thinking. some let others do the thinking. also peoples feelings change. what once was true may now be false. plus there are many other reasons why we are alone. even if you dont know it. trust is a fragile thing. your friends might really want to kill you. at least in certain moments. people dont change, neither do atoms. that is not to say that things are not always in flux, because they are, its part of it. ironic i suppose. its the same within as without. things never change, they are always in a state of flux. this is not a contradiction, just a simple pattern. yin and yang. its within me. way beyond my control. my feelings control me. you just have to ride the wave and have faith. my head burns with thoughts and desires. insatiable and constant. a fire inside. a deep and intense pain. a need for things i cant have. a terrible yearning. a raging inferno. a spiritual nadir. its devouring me. it will leave nothing. maybe this is how patrick felt at times during the movie? i am nothing like him yet i am at the same time. when people tell me to watch a movie or read a book i tell them i will but never do and have no intention of doing so. i do not believe i have ever listened to anybody my entire life. everything you say seems like its about as believable as a disney movie, so what do you expect? i cant tell you this without us both getting upset. i think you have created a fantasy in your head to make yourself feel good about yourself. just like patrick. but at least people like patrick understand this is just a childish game and we are alone really. honestly most people do not know they are even alive. they really are that stupid! everything they believe in is pure junk philosophy. not that they even understand what philosophy is. they dont understand this because they dont do it. think that is. cest la vie. fate is a bitch. if you ask someone what they really believe in, most people couldnt say because they dont believe in anything. others might believe some religious or scientific or political things which to someone like me makes no sense. i have never listened to anyone ever and religious people think we should live by a book based on what people thought other people might have said a long time ago. dont think so. scientific political types appeal to reason and science which is about as laughable as the religious argument. what they really mean is their reason not mine. their science makes them think that people can think the same and there is an answer. they really are just as stupid as the religious types. lesson number 4, there are no answers. really, if you think about it, you can’t say nothing about nothing. plus these people do not understand that nature, whatever it is, is a neutral force, it doesn’t care. the atheist scientists know this but then still think of society in scientific terms which is as deluded as looking at it in religious terms. they are too stupid to think any other way so they cant help it really. just because a methodology works in one field that doesnt mean to say it works in another. there are no certainties. without faith in something society could not function because faith guides peoples behavior not science or anything else. faith is based on absolute junk subjective philosophy. people really can believe anything. this is the problem. its basic psychology that people really can not agree with each other on anything because 100% of what they believe is complete subjective junk philosophy that is incompatible by nature with any other belief. but they stand by it. basically it seems ok to them but they have not even bothered to see how well it holds up to criticism. peoples subjective nature seems a simple fact of life. just open your eyes. the state of society is basically the same as yin and yang. people live their whole lives based on these empty subjective assumptions. without even a thought about it. they couldn’t even explain them to you if they tried apart from to appeal to the mysticism of culture. this is how things are and even our psychologists tell us this but we are too stupid to realsie the implications of it. namely that 99% of what everyone does is based on complete junk philosophy that has somehow gained power because at the very least its appeals to some parts of human nature. this does not mean to say that it represents the truth. if i have to bother explaining why this is to you then please stop reading. people are so full of themselves. power is the only tonic. they dont just want to win but want to make you acknowledge their greatness as well. its the same with politics as with people. the democratic and capitalist tropes they throughout all the time are about as believable as santa claus but peoples sectarian ways mean they accept them and go along with the whole charade. they now associate with these so-called ideals and believe the matras they have been fed. all groups do is legitimize bias. but something is not true just because a lot of people believe it. might does not make right. unfortunately most people feel so threatened by things they dont understand that they can never break out of this closed minded perspective. lesson number 5, things never change. today, all politicians in parliament are liberals, some left, some right. i think its the same for the people. its like a one party state really. they all support our so-called democracy, our institutions and our economic system and they are all nationlist to some degree. enough of them vote for these things for me to rest my case. the triumph of liberalism is to discredit all opponents then pretend society and its institutions are apolitical. more or less all professionals support the system, probably because it pays them well. ideologies like to perpetuate themselves, because of peoples desire for power and to seem right. all societies, like all parents, bring their children up to be like them, because really they think they know best. cest la vie. this is mostly done through bribery and manipulation. for some reason liberals truly believe the fundamentals behind their political philosophy are as sound as a math equation. they are not. they are based on faith. everything is. my faith is different. at times it burns within me and its power can not be denied. you are the sum total of your feelings. my faith is true and pure and absolute. sometimes it becomes all i am. everything else disappears into the nothingness that it is. an overwhelming experience. i become nothing. i become everything. the zenith of my being. beyond time and space. my true self. beyond the material. beyond the abstract. such power. such grace. pure faith. im sweating, breathing rhythmically. smoking drugs, the trance deepens. the feeling is as great as it is terrible. indescribable really. i need to die in that moment. i wish for it. fear and absolution before the lord. it feels like the worst punishment imaginable. i cower. the feeling comes to an end. i feel exhausted for days. lesson number 6, sleep is good. the movie opens with patrick in the thick of it. every fucking moment is the thick of it. hell on earth. really how can you put up with yourselves! everything you say is so fucking boring and its obvious you think nothing like me. we would hate each other so much. jesus christ at least im alone. lesson number 7, hell is other people. do not cast your pearls among pigs, they will trample upon them and then turn on you. patrick understood this. every scene more or less shows how stupid and superficial people are. this is a message that transcends throughout the ages. i really have had a completely terrible time with everyone. when i was young i used to wish i had supernatural powers. next time those bullies tried to put me down i would unleash my fury upon them without even moving, which is what they would no longer do either. i hated myself more because i bullied as well. i couldn’t believe the world that i was thrown into and still feel exactly the same today. its the planet of the apes. its was unbelievable no one went on a rampage through my school. i was 18 when columbine happened. im just a few days younger than eric harris, who was a nazi fuck and a stupid child. he wouldn’t have lasted long in doom. even so, high school really is that bad. enough to drive you crazy and scar you for life. not surprising some people pop. lesson number 8, the world is the same as high school. lesson number 9, the world is the same as my life. everything that happens to me, also happens to the world. we are in really big trouble. something is happening to me. something bad. i feel terrible all the time now. the drugs dont help much any more. fucks sake. jesus guide me. have faith. breath. accept your fate. the die is cast. the trap is set. the line crossed. autistic i think, and schizophrenic. narcissistic too. repetition. the same after the same. a vicious cycle. no escape. lesson number 10, you can not advance. truly the best thing ever is evangelion. the most incredible piece of art ever created. honestly when i saw 3.33 for the second time it was like the movie was happening in my head. the most incredible experience i have ever felt. i could hardly breath. evangelion is a mess in some ways. but its a perfect mess. im not sure that anno really knew what he was doing until 3.33. but sometimes that is the only way something that amazing can happen. it seems like an accident but really its all fate. evangelion is a miracle. a message from god. but like american psycho the plot doesn’t matter really. the message is the most important thing. many fans were disappointed with the initial ending. im terrified i will feel the same about 4.0. repetition is a theme in the show. even so i have 100% faith in anno. a muhammad for our times. ambivalence and fate. the only thing that matters, is what happens. lesson number 11, you can not redo. i have felt alone every second of my life. it is the essence of my being and my philosophy. writing about it makes it worse. apathy and dread always accompany the feeling. lesson number 12, you are alone. evangelion is a prophecy. anno is a prophet. the message is the same as lesson number 13, life is pain. i dont speak to anybody anymore. i can not stand it. if i have to, i tell them what im really thinking and it never goes well. fuck em all. being alone is definitely less shit that being with others. no one really liked me because im so different and girls didn’t want to fuck me for the same reason. i thought i was the coolest guy on the planet. jesus! not only do you not get the girls but you get bullied and beat up to boot. no pun intended, i hate puns. fuck life. no, your put downs are not funny. if i wasn’t a pacifist i would demand blood and teeth as well as an apology. i suppose as i am a pacifist i will have to settle for neither. stupid people think they know everything because their minds are so small.  life is a cruel joke on them too. hehe. joker is a perfect film. taxi driver, american psycho and joker. i think the normal people are the really crazy ones. 60 billion livestock plus fishing, 8 billion humans! the cruelty! the stink. the inefficiency. and its dangerous. the reason why nobody mentions that covid 19 came from eating meat is because most people eat meat. its so dirty its unsurprising it produces so many diseases. fuck all non vegans. you heartless ignorant scum. i would rather drink piss than milk. its absolutely disgusting and bad for you. we are that stupid that we also have pets as well. we spend billions on them as people go homeless. unbelievable! animals are a complete waste of resources. why cant you just enjoy wildlife you stupid fucks? you have to fucking own things and make them yours. jesus would be ashamed of you! if you talk to an animal like its a person you are a stupid child. you deserve no pity because you did it to yourself. every action you take is a waste of time as you have corrupted yourself. the world is full of children that can not learn. people are so stupid its enough to drive anyone crazy. its like the laws of physics, for each action there is an equal and opposite reaction. yin and yang. the last temptation of christ is martin scorseses best work. artists, philosophers and prophets are driven by fate. a harmony. we are all part of it. just a perfect day. like everyday. everything is as it should be. alls right with the world. and heaven too. you reap what you sow. existence is a cruel joke on us all. its been raining for weeks. the sound is so soothing against the window. the rain floods gutters and makes a great sound on concrete. what seems like chaos, could be order. maybe the flood has started. it seems so peaceful. noah was a very spiritual man. he was also a drunk. the bible can tell you a lot about who you are. i think its probably the only book i ever learnt anything from. the poetry and philosophy really are like the words of god, and the stories are as good as they are enlightening. to me it always felt like the book was written yesterday. many messages of the book are told through its major characters, like moses. he was an incredible man, but a deeply troubled one. both from without and within. he lived a life of struggle and understood the importance of this. he knew what god would really think of us. he was ashamed of himself, and us. things never change. order and chaos are two parts to the same coin. currency is not real anyway. god isn’t interested in it either. my thoughts are losing their track. all that is left of me is slipping away. i have never made a choice my entire life. my feelings compel my actions. every moment is one of dread and struggle that is unavoidable. we all have a cross to bear but most people cant bring themselves to look at it. cest la vie. lesson number 14, carry your cross. have some humility. contradiction is a beautiful thing. i believe it is the driving force behind everything. everything psychical and everything metapsychical. things are as simple as this but the implications of it are too great for society because the powerful like to believe they are right, when really there is no such thing as right. everything comes down to desire. power is greatly desired so we are all fucked really. if you dont accept the powerfuls version of how things are you are fucked. so you just go along with it. most cults would never accept this level of appreciation but capitalism doesn't really care as long as you keep quiet about how shit everything is and keep making money. the system really is working people into an early grave but people dont care as long as they get some money and a holiday. fucking slaves. fuck em all. especially the bourgeoisie. if you want to know what being bourgeois means in 2021 then read the observer newspaper. i hate it that people call this the left when there is nothing left about it. its 100% liberal which i would classify as centre. the centre moves around over time as we live in paradigms really. anyway papers like the observer and all the main uk news medias only seem left if you are a nazi fuck. im a communist and i disagree with everything in them and on them. they are centre left. we dont really have a left in england because the english are conservative nationalist cunts at heart. liberalism makes fools of us all. whether you are left liberal or right liberal, you are still liberal. read about it if you like. liberal philosophy is the most hypocritical of all ideologies. it makes absolutely no sense. its amazing that anyone could believe it, but people can believe anything really. cest la vie. lesson number 15, reading is for slaves. plato was a brilliant writer and philosopher. republic really is a groundbreaking piece of art. plato far surpasses his teacher as the student becomes the master. a truly original and beautiful mind. not many philosophers in the world today. but maybe its a magic number that never changes through the ages? to follow this drive is a compulsion. we can never be stopped no matter how hard you try. lesson number 16, try your very best to think for yourself. confucius was right but so was mao. academics have their heads so far up their own asses everything they say is shit. unbelievable the people listen to the well paid professional class. they are about as productive as the russian aristocracy before lenin and probably cost more proportionally. parasites serving a parasitical system. justice? order? whos justice? whos order? ha. jesus was a communist. why people dispute this is beyond me. he didn’t believe in private property or money, and had no personal possessions. he lived in a commune with his followers whom he considered his family. he told them to live without desire for the material side of life because he believed this corrupted people. he thought that it was a sin to be rich and he was only impressed by peoples soul and not their wealth or status or physical appearance. he believed the world is one country, gods country, and we are all gods children. all brothers and sisters. every single one of us. all equal in our struggle to not become corrupt. to me this is also the definition of communism. i do not wish to get into semantics, and words have a history and meanings are largely subjective. even so what i understand communism to be is exactly the same as what jesus did and taught. the only difference really is i do not believe in god. which is not required to be a communist though it definitely does not stop one from being one. not once have i heard anyone mention any of this. i guess im some ways god is still our head of state so why doesn’t anyone say that gods son was a communist that would not agree with the way we live our lives? everything we glorify he dismissed. i guess people will never listen. only a few have ears to hear. confucius was right, but so was mao. i understand we are part of a utilitarian liberal experiment. that those that impose it cant be honest about it because its based on 100% junk philosophy that im sure classroom students up and down the country pick apart every single day but no one listens. the things you believe do not make sense to me. why cant the people in power accept that. journalism is at a complete nadir in england. i say this but really i know nothing ever changes and its always been shit. even so, it really is in the doldrums. especially on tv. they have become one voice. they are sheep just like their supporters. the blind leading the blind. it must be the same in many dictatorships so its nothing new. but these people can not understand or accept that people think different from them. they are so arrogant that they believe because they think something it is the truth. and they wonder why people get so angry at them. the way people talk in real life, is not the same as how they talk on tv. if you dont tow the line they edit you out, so only one voice is heard. people do not understand that society is made up of groups that are corrupt by nature because they want to put their enemies down while raising themselves up. you can see this happen in your life and society really is no different. until we accept this basic fact that this is how our society functions we will not get anywhere. the problem is the lines are blurry. for the most part its class war. marx was right. but politicians will have you believe that they represent everyone, and that nations are a group of people, (a blatant lie). the media will have you believe that they are objective. these things are impossible. only stupid people could believe otherwise, but there are plenty of them so they will always get enough votes and viewers. the non thinkers always get their way because there are so fucking many of them. the irony is democracy is working perfectly, thats why everything is so shit. the people get exactly what they deserve and only have themselves to blame. democracy is doomed to fail because the majority of people are too stupid. just try talking to most people about politics and you will find out. plato was right. music is a temporary escape from the frustration of democratic society. pop punk is music in its pure form. an instant connection to the soul. there is not a second wasted and with the fast pace, heavy guitars and catchy lyrical melodies it makes for a perfect fusion. obviously 99% of it is shit but that is the same for everything. i think there is like a magic 1%. 1% of everything is amazing. the pity is this number is so low, so we wont ever get far. anyway i mostly like the darker stuff thats both angry and catchy. if a song doesn’t get stuck in my head i don’t like it. when im high and listening to music i feel like god. hallelujah. born again. everything is brand new. its doesnt last long. maybe not even worth mentioning. the quiet things that no one ever knows. im certain that everything that happens to me also happens to the world. maybe the universe. it really is beyond coincidence. i understand everything thats important because of this. why do people say things like, in 2021 how can things like that happen? well because things never change. people also say, how could someone do something like that? well because people are capable of things beyond your imagination. pop punk keeps things clear and simple. lesson number 17, keep it simple. this is not easy because of the subjective nature of so many things. for example i say pop punk but really i think all universals are subjective. even numbers and especially words. i have always had a problem as i see clearly how certain things, maybe 99% of things, overlap. for example all politics and/or religion. nothing really exists outside of the individual. no one, not even a powerful group, has the right to say what things are absolutely and exactly where one thing stops being one thing and becomes another. only god has this right and god exited stage right probably after the nazis or maybe long before that. the percentage is 100% when it comes to value judgements which is one reason capitalism and liberalism are a fraud. its a problem that people cant see this overlapping as it makes them intolerable boring hypocrites. they honestly think they know exactly what everything is and what it isn’t yet no two people say the same things about anything! i really cant stand anyone. i hate everything now. need one say anymore. everything is beneath me. no past. no present. no future. i feel like im soaring upwards. there is no stopping me. i feel beyond empty. i know the pain will never stop. i will never leave my room again. getting drugs is the only problem. fucks sake. fucking society. cannabis really is like spice from the science fiction dune. an introverted drug that can be channelled to get effect. but at the same time you dont lose yourself and are in full control of your body. its brings you closer to your soul. closer to the truth. closer to god. you see that life is a game within a game. a story within a story. a self within a self. an intoxicating, liberating and euphoric feeling. everything comes from the spirit. its a shame i need cannabis to feel this. it really helps but i permanently feel the need for it as life is intolerable without its comfort. lesson number 18, give up. not on drugs, obviously, on life. its definitely the best thing i ever did. fuck the system. dont believe their lies. although there is no exit really. not for anyone. except death. drugs definitely help though. jesus life is such a bore. im so tired. all these words dont add up to what they are trying to portray. what really is a feeling? how can it be communicated without ambivalence. most dont even dare to try. i have no hope. despair consumes me. we see through a glass darkly. paul was the same as moses in some ways. they had a gift, a way with words and people. they had courage and complete devotion to their cause. its a beautiful irony that moses had a speech impediment. i do believe he is the only person to speak to god face to face. god understood that moses soul was much more important than his oratory ability so he chose him above everyone else to deliver his message to people. paul was the same. a new message was sent and pauls soul was what god was looking for. his sins and his past did not matter one bit to god. the beauty of pauls soul comes out in his writing. at a time when he had to be his most pragmatic he still could not help writing beautiful words that show the nature of his soul. his faith was true and pure, and he was brave. nothing was going to stand in his way. it was fate. it makes no mistakes. everything is as it should be. even your pain. fate is what happens. fate is the only thing that matters. what doesn’t happen, really does not matter at all. the truths that surround us are very simple if you open your heart to them. but you have to be brave to look at them because they will hurt you and change you. you have to be strong. but more importantly you have to be humble. the prophets knew this above everything else. if you cannot let go of your delusions you will live in complete ignorance as to what is really going on. you will become a puppet and a sheep. pretty much everything people say is a subjective lie. why cant people understand this? there really is no such thing as right and wrong. there is only power in all its forms. it corrupts because it is bias by nature. more or less everything is. but we cant admit it to ourselves because we love ourselves too much. that is the essence of the problem. groups, power, and corruption go hand in hand. an intoxicating mix that damns us all. there is no escaping it. the hermits know best. one god. one country. one people. solitude is painful but a better option than becoming corrupt. and it can put you in closer contact to your soul, to god. sometimes i sleep for an entire week. i sink deep within myself. sometimes im awake but i can not move. i become my consciousness and nothing else. its like looking into a mirror for your soul. its like pandoras box. its best not to look so you cant help but look. we all have light and darkness within us. who you really are will terrify you. everything that happens in my mind happens in the world. nothing surprises me and i have a answer for everything important. your culture is lying to you. why cant people see this? sectarian to the end. cest la vie. i guess its because people are alone and stupid that they just accept whats arround them to be true. we are only human i guess. democracy will get us nowhere. plato was right. parliament is full of liberal parties because most people are stupid sheep and really do not understand politics. liberal democracy is the biggest con since getting people to drink milk. no one ever has enough money despite the fact we make trillions ripping ourselves off. it drives me crazy. its all a lie. we are all fucked by it. dont you understand liberalism and capitalism are the same thing? liberalism is just the politics behind the economics. they are both completely flawed. society is not a business. people are too greedy and selfish. all is vanity. marx was right. so was jesus. i really can not tolerate living with you people. for christs sake your stupid dogs wake me up every morning! you would probably spend thousands trying to save their lives as you eat burgers while watching hypocrites like david attenborough. im so happy you have to pick up shit every day. fuck all pet owners. the english are the most stupid people on the face of the planet. i can not believe anyone would want to come and live here. i always remember being amazed by this when i was younger. i thought the world has to be a really shitty place if people want to come and live here. i felt so sorry for them because really they didnt know what they were letting themselves in for. hopefully most came to their senses and moved on. good luck to them if they did. i have no connection to anything anymore. culture is beneath me. what i was looking for was inside me all along. to create beauty, not out of love or liberty, but solitude forever, you must live and die in a dungeon. words are so clumsy. even honest words are lies. we do not understand ourselves. its too much hard work and beyond most peoples competence. we are on a ship of fools and the wind blows wherever it will. im not impressed by anyone. past or present. big or small, fuck em all. repetition. everything is about repetition. look and you will see. listen and you will hear. the only reason to do anything is if it connects with your soul. acting in unison with your soul is its own reward. yin and yang. there really is no getting away from it. you may think you are fighting it when really you are doing its will. yin and yang is in my head. its in the world. the universe. the atom. things never change. you really dont have any choice. fate is what happens. i am gods child. god is within me. words can not say what needs to be said. they are useless to me. feelings are subjective but can not be denied. yin and yang. everything is as it should be. everything is perfect. i feel terrible. i feel terrible all the time. as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be. pain without end. the game of life. im only happy when i win. hate losing. hate losing so much. i always fucking lose. yin and yang. if someone hits you in the face and busts some of your teeth out just for the fun of it you will feel pissed off. you dont have a choice about it. all the cliches people say are so bogus. say almost anything and most people agree. dumb ass sheep or stupid cowards that keep their opinions to themselves because they dont stand up to scrutiny, or, most likely, they think im beneath them, not even worth looking at. england is full of selfish arrogant drunken dumb asses that keep voting tory and will only vote labour if they become more like the tories. they are all liberals anyway and there is not much difference between any of them but no one fucking cares. democracy seems to want everyone to think the same but it will not challenge any of the stupid belief systems in society so it wont get far. people have the right to be an idiot but we dont have the right to watch tv. fuck england. system is a joke and needs to be smashed. mao was right. how could anyone like the english. dumb and arrogant. such a shameful combination. completely beyond the pale. i have no time for you. i am a preacher. i am a prophet. i dont care if you listen. you either know or you don’t. its not learned or taught. one is or one isnt. a magic 1%. i have no concern what anyone else does or says. my struggle continues unabated. every second. every moment. everything is just subjective bullshit. i am just as good as you. hehe. life is such a bore. i have had more than enough time. i wont miss anyone or anything. but the thought of death terrifies me more than life. my life is my canvas. a piece of art created in solitude just for myself. its beautiful and perfect. i have always been in love with myself. life has always been a struggle. john bunyan’s pilgrim carried his burden on his back. like him, i believe we take it to our grave. ive felt shit my whole life. an unshakeable feeling. i suppose i like it really. its who i am. its how it is. but i wish i could be me and get a fuck. oh well, at least im not like you. it matters not how strait the gate, how charged with punishments the scroll, i am the master of my fate, i am the captain of my soul. nationalism is as fraudulent as religion. why are people so stupid? groups are political. there is the same amount of conflict within a nation as outside it. this is because this is how things are. yin and yang. if i am english then why do i disagree with everything the english state does and has done. i have much more in common with the zero people that share my political and philosophical beliefs. maybe its my autism. all i know really is that i am 100% alone and always have been. i guess its different for you and thats why you believe all the stupid things you are told. like how its sad when dogs die (its actually a good thing and the world would be much better off without them). the problem is if you leave people to their own devices they wont get far because there really wasnt much there to start with. they may even start talking to animals and grieving when they die. people have chosen to surround themselves in a childish fantasy because its all their little minds can come up with. the irony is democracy only stays alive because most people are sheep that seem to accept their cultural bias as some sort of medal. as long as you tell these people they are amazing and smart they will vote for you and let you do whatever you like really. thats why the truth will never get anywhere. the truth is we are not amazing or smart. we are humans and liberals seem to have forgotten this. like the corrupt priests of old they think they know best and we should follow them. but really what choice do we have when they dont like heretics speaking and they all speak with one voice, bombarding the public with their propaganda 24/7. if you disagree you are labelled ignorant. orwell was right. i dont trust anyone. never have, never will. i dont just mean people i know, but everyone ever. i hate reading as much as im sure i would hate the author. everything and everyone bores me. i welcome death but could never kill myself because i guess i love myself too much and hate pain. but really thats about all you can say about life. that its really that shit that sucide is a preferable option for lots, and many more if they were self aware enough to realise it. im so disappointed in everything. is this really how its meant to be? its not worth a moment of my time. was i consulted! are we consulted on anything? i do not consent to your lies. at least democracy is as fragile as they say and in massive decline. but im sure the selfish humans will find something just as bad to replace it with. unless you become a mindless sheep the world doesnt want to know. my soul is unique. it finds no fellowship and no peace. tormented and tired. it grinds me down. every moment. you would not understand. i think capitalism is about as good as the ancient egyptian economic system and their working class probably had to work less. you have to pay for everything. its such a bore not getting completely ripped off. we are supposed to be citizens! small businesses will get us nowhere. they mostly cater for bourgeois whims which are degenerate. liberal democracy is a complete con that drives the beast. people are stupid enough or rich enough (or both) to go along with it. i want no part with any of them. hermit mode was initiated long ago. the only answer. along with death. contradiction is a beautiful thing. we are the masters of it in england. everything is fate. everything is the same. everything has two forms. it really is that simple. what you have been told was to make you and the teller feel good about themselves. its base really is as solid as that. no different from believing the bible really. culture is a cult. jesus understood this and the division it ends up creating. he tried to preach against it and appealed to a universal ‘good’ god, but i guess he ended up falling into the hole he was trying to cover up. cest la vie. van goug was a great painter but i really dont know what beautiful means. to me beauty is power. of which i have none in the world but an abundance inside. just the way god likes it. pity gods a fraud, just my luck. i dont care what anyone does or thinks. you were and are and always will be about as much help to me as a patrick bateman. the world is full of soul sucking vampires that are about as smart as zombies. jesus fucking christ look at what we have become! vain, soft, shallow, selfish and hypocritical. bourgeois trash with pet insurance. fuck em, fuck em all. havent you read the new testament or seen star trek. your soul is the only thing that matters. greed and corruption are our own damnation. things never change. everything means nothing really. so fuck this. fuck the world. fuck everything. forever and ever. i am untouchable. i am fearless. i am nothing. i am everything. life has been such a disappointment. people really dont get it. if you dont swallow their bullshit things go bad. nobody really likes anyone but themselves. its all about luck, power and psychology. life really sucks if you have drawn the short straw and/or dont tow the line. oh jesus i really cant take much more. sickness unto death. ive done nothing for months. i cant stand doing anything anymore. doing things is even less spiritually fulfilling than not doing things. time passes. nothing changes. might as well just keep repeating myself. doing nothing will do fine for me. i find no joy in anything. i am beyond joy. one of the few things im thankful for. lots of the things people find funny are just put downs and not funny when you think about it. this is so common. its ingrained in the simple. the joke is really on them and their corrupt soul. its so much better to be alone. just killing time everyday. born to sleep. ive seen more than enough. life takes its own toll. you had nothing before you were born, you have nothing now, and you will have nothing after you have died. this is gods law. and mine. the universe is inside my head. there is nothing to it. people think they know everything. something is happening to me. new faith. true faith. i dont care if i am here tomorrow. life is imposed as a credit. the debt must and will be paid in full. life takes its own toll. ive had such terrible time. anguish in every breath. god fearing. god is inside me. people treat me like a clown. we are all clowns. but they dont think this when they treat me like one so fuck them forever. people seem so happy, but when you talk to these people they have nothing but stupid things to say. i could do exactly the same as them and i would want to kill myself. they live a shallow materialistic lifestyle with bourgeois aspirations. a life of over work and then selfish indulgence. capitalism is so tedious, soulless and boring for most people. but they go along with it and vote for it. paid them off just enough i guess. most others that agree with capitalism dont even know what an economic system is. they just think brits do things better than others so it must be a great system. the proles really do think exactly the same as the sun newspaper, which isn’t a complete snub as the tabloids are about as respectable as any newspaper these days. they are sheep and follow wherever their flag points them to. they are the crazy brainwashed foot soldiers for the state as they ‘share’ its ideals. but really these people are about as idealistic as a stone. they couldn’t even tell you what ideology they ascribe to, (conservative liberalism at the moment, these words more or less mean the same thing anyway), but really they are capricious to the core and will jump ship as soon as they get a better deal. a real problem for humanity. your movement may have thousands of people in it. but do they really feel the same as you? maybe they have a different motive? like when someone goes vegan so their partner is happy and thus more likely to have sex. people will say anything to get what they want. lesson number 19, dont trust anyone. society is as empty as my soul. there is no hope. komm susser tod. i have a phobia of work. not just paid work but all work. i hate doing anything. i always have. sure im always getting high, and always hating the rolling. i used to listen to music and game but i dont think that counts? lazy is in my dna. lazy and elite mean the same thing to me. paid work is the worst as its not just the work but the people too. lesson number 20, never work. im fairly certain i have mild dyslexia. not that there really is a normal when it comes to our relationship with words. or with anything for that matter. society is so stupid. even so i often write things backwards that dont make as much sense as when written forward. i also hate spelling. writing is so clumsy and boring. everything is an effort to me. i tried to learn guitar but it wasnt fun just painful. everything is painful in either a physical and/or a spiritual way. feelings are all you are really. life is pain. one disappointment after the next. no exit. i feel even more alone when im with people. i do not want to be a part of a society i think is degenerate. i think rich people are absolute scum. definitely hate them the most. they think more of their pets and their cars than the working class. they deserve to be killed for this alone, not to mention the corruption that supplies their wealth. fuck the poor. they are fucked because they want to be rich so bad they believe everything the rich say. they deserve to be the slaves they are. fuck em. fuck em all. middle class are complete hypocrites. they see no contradiction in their bourgeois lifestyle and the values they proclaim. liberalism is saying you care about everyone when really you just care about yourself but cant admit it. if they just got a bit more money the system would seem fair. nationalism really does pull the wool over everyones eyes. give yourself a pat on the back as you pay your mortgage and pet insurance. you foolish selfish fucks. fuck you all. you are like children to me. nationalism and liberalism are purely selfish ideologies for selfish small minded people and their effect is the western world as we know it. take a look if you dare. we should be ashamed of ourselves. lenin was right. so was jesus. liberalism is saying you think everyone is an individual while trying to get them to think and act the same. they dont really like individuals, unless you tow the line you will not get far. its ironic that the best protection against them is to truly try and think for yourself. as far as this is possible. i think most people do this anyway but they just lie so they can get a good job. in liberalism your soul isn’t important, what you really think does not matter at all. what matters is doing what you are told. this and you being able to actually do it, is all they really care about. we will never get anywhere. its all fake. money talks. you can’t trust anyone. the system is designed so most have to put in a good shift so the state always gets a nice return. people are paid off and keep voting for the same. even those on minimum wage feel lucky. its insane how servile people are. fuck em. fuck em all. democracy is funny because we get exactly what we deserve. fucked. its a complete joke hehe. its hard to believe that people trust and vote for the government. but labour are the worst. smearing jeremy corbyn with anti semitism then openly encouraging all the nationalist racists to vote for them. don’t they know what these people say about imigration and black people? the so called red wall. nothing red about it. most britains does even know what socialism means apart from that it doesn’t work because thats what they were told in school. people are so stupid i can hardly take it. all these people think they understand how economies work. jesus! i guess all that drunken gambling and watching sports and soaps paid off. i honestly think i am an alien. i am nothing like you. if you could only see what you have become. selfish, shallow, arrogant and stupid, with sadistic tendancies. the product of an insane liberal experiment that has warped our humanity maybe beyond repair. people are not capable of being individuals. if you leave people to their own devices they might end up getting pet insurance or an expensive car. its not good for them. or society. most people are like children. a waste of money and they can not grasp things beyond their selfish experience. deluded fools. its such a shame. cest la vie. liberals know this as well, just watch their news if you dont believe me. its like school for the nation. i guess if you talk to children like children they dont mind. they probably appreciate it. i guess this is why they can get away with treating us like we are all clowns. liberals know this as well but they could never be honest about it. as if they were honest about anything the whole house of cards would come crashing down and they know this to. they are in too deep and treading water. we are all fucked really but its is our own fault for following these fools. the blind leading the blind. this is how liberal democracies function and why they are, were, and always will be, doomed. just like their foolish servile citizens. poetic justice i guess. we are beasts that cant help ourselves. i am a beast. savage is my name. i know what i need. i need to fuck. i need to fuck her all the time. she hates me. i dont cut it. i dont cut it with anyone. touche, except the girls i needed to fuck but wouldn’t even look at me let alone talk to me. cest la vie. what a fuck. the problem with life is we all need things we cant have. this alone more or less makes it shit. but there really is no changing it. fate is a bitch. for everyone. life is war. the losers get fucked and this corrupts everyone. if the losers won they would do the same so there is no escaping it. we are all fucked in the end. yin and yang. forever and ever. to be honest if she was fucking me every night i dont think i would care about anything else. i know i would be happy but i also know there is no way that she would ever fuck me, let alone every night. you never get used to disappointment. its like saying you can get used to having your face smashed in. lots of people know this and i guess it contributes to them going pop. its inevitable in this piece of shit world. nothing ever changes. the pain always repeats itself. an empty feeling. like when you have been betrayed by someone you trusted. our minds are fragile. painful memories. painful desires. i need to fuck her. i am a beast. i need her and only her. i hate her so much but she is the only one i want. if i cant fuck her then fuck everything else. jesus i fucking hate her! she hates me. fuck my life because i hate her and she hates me and i need to fuck her so fucking bad! my life repeats itself. disappointment after disappointment. its so depressing. even my dreams are disappointing. im always so happy i forget them quickly. even so, sleep is the best thing i know about life. born to sleep. my life has been a complete failure. i am an amazing person but people really dont think much of me at all. its too painful to go through any of it again but its how things are. nothing ever changes. people treat me like a clown. they are never honest. but they are often surprised when they treat me like shit and i tell them to fuck off. the problem with people is they can not help judging a book by its cover. we can never overcome this. it makes life intolerable. delusions become real. lesson number 21, life is schizophrenic. most people go around gaslighting others for fun. they just dont like the look of you. nothing more than that. they find pleasure in putting you down. ignorant sadistic cunts. lesson number 22, life is war. a permanent war. a mental and sometimes physical conflict with everyone. yin and yang. of course there are lulls, but its permanent all the same. we can never reach each other. it just like an A.T field. you could blow up a sun right next to this field and it wouldn’t even scratch it. lesson number 23, you have nothing to lose. not even your pain. anthony was as right as he was great. but there is no escape really. even so i dont want to end like this but there is no choice. cest la vie. fate is what happens. fate is a bitch. i guess ill see you all in hell.



 

brian warner 2021


 


Submitted: May 26, 2021

© Copyright 2021 brian warner. All rights reserved.

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Criss Sole

I think you make some very good points. I can understand all the anger and frustration. I have been there.
Thanks for sharing your life lessons.

Sun, June 6th, 2021 5:11am

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