First Love

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

How I remember the days of high school crushes and childish obsessions and fascinations. How many times growing up did my heart betray me? How many times did I hide behind a broken heart? How many dreams did I dream of my unrequited love? And how many of my secret loves have I kept secret for a lifetime?

FIRST LOVE

By Al Garcia

How I remember the days of high school crushes and childish obsessions and fascinations.  How many times growing up did my heart betray me?  How many times did I hide behind a broken heart?  How many dreams did I dream of my unrequited love?  And how many of my secret loves have I kept secret for a lifetime?

To be young is to feel the rush and blush of unleashed passion and desire, hidden inside a budding creation, unfinished and everchanging.  Yet first love knows only the innocence of us, and not the depth of our longing, or the ache of our breaking heart.

So young and so naïve when I learned how cruel the hurt could be when love is hidden and never shared.  How lonely the days, and how the quiet the nights, when my secret love knew not the yearning of my beating heart.  Too shy to speak my heart’s delight, too frail of body and of mind to open up and bare my heart and soul, for fear my secret love would turn from me and simply walk away.

Once, so very long ago, I had a secret love.  The hurt inside of me unknown to anyone but me.  My smile, my laughter, my friendly touch, all concealing the emptiness I felt inside.  And I thought it was only me that had a secret love, and only me that felt the agony of my unrequited love.  How naïve and young my mind, to have failed to realize how first love was part of growing up, and learning that young love is not always true or everlasting, especially when you keep the secret to yourself.

The beating of my heart and the ticking of the clock has marked the passing of my youth.  I no longer blush or flush at the thought of having loved without consent or assent, or of having felt the hurt of a broken heart, when I realized my secret love was not in love with me. 

And then, begrudgingly, I put aside my childish fantasies when I knew that my heart was free to find another love.  And now many times did I experience a young boy’s heartbreak blues?  Four, five, maybe ten?  But it’s the memory of that first love remains a lifetime within my beating heart.  I remember the hurt, the longing, and the loneliness of having had a secret love that never knew, and now will never know, how much they were a part of me, if only in my dreams.

At last, I have become the man I was meant to be, and my heart's an open book.  No more secrets to conceal, or feelings to obscure.  I have put aside my childish ways and childish dreams, as well as the secret love that is no more, and never really was.


Submitted: May 27, 2021

© Copyright 2021 A.Garcia. All rights reserved.

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