Resentment

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic


Growing up was rough. With two drug addicted parents, I did not stand much of a chance. At two years old I was placed with my aunt and uncle as my parents could not care for me any longer. While I was never formally adopted, I lived with my aunt and uncle for over a decade.

As a young girl, all I dreamt of was for my parents to come home. I wanted nothing more than to see my moms face again or give my dad a hug. I felt so alone as a child. No one understood my thoughts or feelings because no one walked the same path as I have.

For years, I hoped and prayed for a miracle, a miracle that only half came. My father committed suicide in 2005. I was only 9 years old at the time but the pain I felt was like nothing I had ever felt before. I was devastated that he chose such a permanent solution to his pain but even more so that I was robbed of the one opportunity I had dreamt of for so long. My father was never coming home.

Several years later, my mom returned. I welcomed her with open arms, no questions asked. I was just so glad to at least have one parent home with me. Half of me was in the ground and the other half in the next room.

As the years went on, my mom stayed consistent. But the hate and rage inside of me grew day by day. I was so angry at everything. Angry that she was afforded the chance that my father would never receive.

For so many years I wished she would come home. Once she did, I spent years wishing she would leave.

This only made me hate myself.

How could I be so ungrateful? I finally received what I had hoped and prayed for and I just wanted it to all disappear. I wanted to disappear.

Multiple suicide attempts and years of cutting, I am still resentful.

Resentful of my entire existence.


Submitted: May 28, 2021

© Copyright 2021 anon124. All rights reserved.

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