My Secret Love

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

How many times growing up did my heart betray me? How many times did I hide behind my broken heart? How many dreams did I dream of my secret love? How many of my secret loves were secret for a lifetime?

MY SECRET LOVE

By Al Garcia

How many times growing up did my heart betray me?  How many times did I hide behind my broken heart?  How many dreams did I dream of my secret love?  How many of my secret loves were secret for a lifetime?

To be young is to feel the rush and blush of unleashed passion and desire, hidden inside a budding creation, unfinished and everchanging.  Yet my secret love saw only the innocence of me and not my longing or my aching heart.

How cruel the hurt can be when love is hidden and never shared.  How lonely the days and how the quiet the nights when my secret love knew not this yearning heart of mind.  Too shy to speak my heart’s delight, too frail of body and of mind to open up and bare my heart and soul for fear my secret love would turn from me and simply walk away.

Once I had a secret love.  The hurt inside of me unknown to anyone but me.  My smile, my laughter, my friendly touch, all concealing the need I felt inside.  And I thought it was only me that had a secret love, and only me that felt the agony of unrequited love.  How naïve and young my mind to have failed to realize how first love could hurt and even scar a young boy’s heart like mine. 

The beating of my heart and the ticking of the clock has marked the passing of my youth.  I no longer blush or flush at the thought of having loved without consent or assent my secret love of long ago.  I learned to accept the hurt of a broken heart, when I realized my secret love was not interested in me. 

And it was then that I knew that my heart was free to roam and grow.  But first love remains a lifetime within the memories of my life.  And I remember much too well the hurt and the longing and the loneliness of having had a secret love.

Oh, how I remember my high school days.  The days that seemed to last too long and the nights that went by much too fast for a blooming mind like mine.  What possibilities and potential I had back then, or so I was led to believe.  What wonders awaited me, what discoveries were waiting to be found by me – and yet all I really cared about was the secret love that lived within the heart of me.

At last my heart's an open book.  No more secrets to conceal, no feelings to obscure with a deceptive smile or with misleading words.  Looking back, I am amazed at how I came through that period in my life, when I hid and concealed a secret love just because I was afraid to be myself and share what I felt inside of me.

I have become a man at last, and found that secrets only hurt the heart and soul.  I have seen the good that life can bring, but also felt and lived the ugly part that is hidden and unseen by most.  To grow up too fast as I was forced to do because of war, is to lose so much and then expect so little in return. 

Life sometimes can be seen through only memories and regrets.  My high school days are far behind, and my secret love no longer even recalls my name, much less that once I had a crush and once I cared too much alone.  My secret love's no secret anymore, and I have learned the facts of life too well, too fast. 

The heart is not a place to keep your secret love – for the heart can be a lonely place if not shared with someone who loves your love with you. 


Submitted: June 02, 2021

© Copyright 2021 A.Garcia. All rights reserved.

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