Retire-Desire

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

...My first attempt at sharing my secret thoughts/desires...the Unspoken

I'm feeling a need to share an experience I had, am having. Share it? with who? it's kinda embarrassing, for my shared life, but should it be? So do it kinda anonymously, to a non-personal non-judgemental interpreters eye/ear...you don't know me!

I found myself this morning, after everyone had left for work, standing looking out my 3rd story window as my green tea was steeping...checking on the neighborhood, observing whose home and whose not, by the cars I see parked downstairs below me in the guest parking, the tenants always park there. Anyway my eyes glanced straight down at the dumpster area and I noticed a familiar little red pick-up truck with it's tool box compartment in the back and saw the driver...yes a young man, half my age, maybe a bit more was standing there emptying the trash from the bed of his truck.

He had attempted to talk to me once before when we first moved in and lived in the very last condo at the end of our cul-de-sac complex. I had ignored him that time and acted like I didn't hear him, but I never forgot having done it, even now almost 3 1/2 yrs later. Why?, I really don't remember, why I didn't care to converse with him at the time, but I always had the thought of one day apologizing to him for having done that. I had also noticed him another time, we had a tenant throw out a mattress and it sat in our dumpster area for weeks and when I looked out one morning, he was out there breaking up that mattress with a sledgehammer so it would fit inside the dumpster and be gone. I watched him from above, thinking to myself what I would do with that sweet young thing if I were 30yrs younger...but I've never done the cougar thing! So I just watched those young muscular arms work, well I was picturing his abs and butt and remembering back to when I had that aged man on top of me, behind me, whatever, just making me feel good and I realized, I Never appreciated it as I should have.

to the view of my now, retired world and once again,I saw that familiar little red truck parked at the dumpster and I had this overwhelming desire to go down and finally convey my long overdue apology, why today?! I thought to myself as I watched him, and again, yes, his muscular arms and I yearned for a caress, a taking over of my body, surrendering to allowing a man to make feel good, licking me, rubbing me, kissing my neck, breathing in my ear and of course the feel of that masculine thrust!, as I watched him. I looked like shit though! and why go down now?, why did I find myself, just saying do it! what was my purpose?? Hell, just go with it girl, and I did.

I pulled my hair up in a ponytail and told myself, don't get too close, you haven't even brushed your teeth yet! I grabbed a bag of trash I had been meaning to take down and as I went down those three flights of stairs, I had no hesitance. I was braless in a black Calvin Klein t-shirt and a pair of hippish looking lounging pants and barefoot. As I got close to his car, I noticed his head was down and he was texting on his phone, his passengers window was slightly down as I pronounced, " do you always park this close to the dumpster, where people can't get in? , he looked up immediately and apologized, as I laughed and said " I'm just joking with ya", to which he replied, " are you sure?, you can get in? " I said " yeah no problem" as I still giggled. I threw my trash away and told him, how I had Always meant to apologize for ignoring him the last time he attempted talking to me and he really didn't remember what it was he had to say, as we both just smiled. We continued our conversation, I recall some talk about renters vs owners, exchanging names and some other small talk, but what I noticed Most as we talked, was that he eyes kept going to my boob area, I don't know if my nipples were hard and I didn't really care. I was just imaging, him imaging in his head, what lied under that Calvin t-shirt and even as I now write about it, the thought arouses me! I felt an exchange of hormones?, desires,? maybe my imagination, so I dismissed myself and came back upstairs.

I came back and washed-up and did my morning beauty ritual, still having thoughts, that I needed to let go of! I heard his truck drive by again and saw him leave and I went back downstairs to check on my car and take a walk in the great feeling sun. I found myself walking to the end of the cul-de-sac, where his condo is and even walked up the stairs to his doorway, Why?!? I noticed when I reached his porch that his door was opened a bit behind the screen door and I panicked! Did he come back well I was washing-up? and what would I have done if he had come to the door and perhaps invited me in, would I? could I?


Submitted: June 01, 2021

© Copyright 2021 evahobie. All rights reserved.

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