Telemarketing 101

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Telemarketing.......

 Linda had just opened the TV, only to find herself disappointed by yet another shitty episode of the walking dead (you heard me), so in her frustration and misery she began to switch channels, trying
to find something better to watch. That is when she stumbled onto something magical. It was the voice of a stereotypical suburban white 30y/o male telling her to "buy the new smart quantum mop 3900
today". She kept listening to his soothing voice and being amazed by the possibilities and uses of the quantum mop. It could zig, it could zag, it could make her moist and fucking mop it up, it could hang from the ceiling, it could answer the big questions. She had to purchase it immidiately, because the convincing man in the commercial had a 27.2% sale fresh out of the oven for the 1st ten callers. She picked up the phone in excitement and dialed the number. A couple of seconds later, a woman with the deepest, most "i know smoking kills and I don't care" voice in the milky way galaxy picked up the phone and mumbled "How may I help you today?" through her intense couching. Linda responded trembling with pheromones and a stronger sex drive than a cat in January: "I need the smart quantum mop 3900, Nooowwww". The woman yelled "WE GOT ANOTHA SUCKA" to one of her colleagues and then leaned into the phone and calmly said "that  will be 132.44 dollars and the product will arrive in a few days to your house at an inconvenient time, that I can guarantee....". Linda moaned in an erotic manner and said "I cannot wait" before hanging up and 
moving suspiciously quickly towards the fridge, where she kept her cucumbers and vaseline  the place where she would momentarily suppress her attraction towards the quantum mop. Three days later, at 11 PM the mop was at her door. Linda's loins collapsed as she opened the package. Inside there was what appeared to be a wooden broomstick from the 90s with someone's pubic hair hastily attached to the upper end of it with superglue. Linda wept, and you will too
because that's how telemarketing fucking works.


Submitted: June 22, 2021

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