Stolen virginity and hope

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

Teenager raped and attempted suicide

Some do have success after years of being told they weren't good enough or even meant to be apart of this world…. 

Don't let anyone stop you ever.

You are strong, brave and worth it.

 

Early life

I was born in a small town and my mother and father didn't really ever fit together and split up when I was around 6 months old. This is when we moved in with my grandparents who were the most generous people who cared for me like I was they're daughter. My mother was like a sister to me from the start and not the get along well sister. We moved to another small town for a small time before moving into the city and I started kindergarten at around two years old I think.

 

My ears stood out and my mom had them fixed, well that is what she says because of bullying… well it didn't work very well since I got bullied through 2'nd-8'th grade. When I turned 14(my birthday) I had decided I would take my own life, I was depressed and my mother wouldn't listen to me. She just said stop whining.

 

To her despair I said okay and took ALOT of pills that night, my grandma woke me up the next morning. I did wake up but I was very pale and a little slurry so my grandma told me to lie back down because she thought I was sick so I wasn't going to school. My grandma came home later that day and tried to wake me up without success, this morning and day I do not remember so this is what my family told me about that day. My grandma called and ambulance and the paramedics began finding life marks and damn that HURTS, this I remember so clearly. I can remember that my 4 year old little sister is asking what is happening and why sissy ain't waking up. At this point I really want to wake up and just tell them I am here I promise not to do this again!

Then I just remember sirens, they fade and I fade out myself. 

 

I got admitted into the kids psychward after this.

I was in the state to do everything to piss my parents of so I thought it might be a good idea to escape and disappear for 2 nights and get a tongue piercing… then I walked up to the police and said they were looking for me so they took me in and there was a meeting with my parents who believe me were not happy with my piercing. Then I got kicked out from the psychiatric hospital and put into a short term home/prison for 1 or 2 weeks. Then I went home to not such a happy house… 

Well now my nightmare that I spent years dealing with happens… I went on a trip with someone I called a friend and her boyfriend and his friend, I had one drink and got REALLY doped and raped by the boyfriends friend… my virginity just got literally stolen from me and it broke me. I started experimenting with drugs and drinking more. I did have sex and lost my real virginity with a really good and loving friend who made me feel so safe and just was the best person in the world for me at the time and was my best friend and I will never be able to thank him for that. We started dating soon after and it was great and the time together we had for me was magical.


 

He was the perfect person for that time. But a year later I got sent to a foster home because I wasn't going to school anymore and he broke up with me at that point maybe 5 or 6 months after I had gone there and he called a friend of mine there and that just broke my heart since he had been my best friend a while before dating me and I found out he cheated on me. 

I was on a straight line for that year, my grandpa got cancer but it was taken so he was safe, then at Christmas I came home for good and then I started smoking weed that same day 15th December and there was no turning back. Before that I had only tried experimenting with cocain and amphetamine, not really much my type of thing though I didn't stop at that point but yeah I came home at Christmas and in January I turned 16 and met a guy who at the time was really nice and didn't do drugs or anything. He started experimenting (he is 2 years older than me). Well now in April my grandma or as I say my mother who raised me as her own has a aneurism and is in a coma for about 5 days before passing away and I was so so lucky to have been in the hospital that last night with her even though I didn't know it would be her last, the swelling in her brain came back and was taken of life support. I broke into so many pieces at this point and I think I still am a little broken 11 years later. My boyfriend at the time who was my 2nd boyfriend knew my grandma since she worked for his grandpa for many years and he was there for me but since he had started experimenting with drugs he became such an asshole and so inconsiderate and seemed to not care anymore and I don't think he noticed but he was flirting with girls and his ex in front of me so not so proud of myself to spare my feelings I just cheated and we broke up and I just was always high. I moved in with my grandpa again after not living there since 14 so two years. We took a trip to see my aunt on my grandma's side in December that year and I had such a good time with him. We went to the pub together and it was just so special and I will never forget this time.

I stared dating my ex(2nd boyfriend) again when I came home, sure it was fun for a while but I cheated again. Broke up and this time I was raped again at 17 years old by an evil person and his friend who I thought was driving me home and literally pushed a ecstasy down my throat and locked the car, drove me out of it into this garage and raped me so brutally that I can't forget or even get over even though I say I have…

Now I get back together with my ex for the last time and I go through a easier time and I cheat again(I know I am an asshole and a bitch). We breakup. A while later at this time I am 18 years old and I begin dating my now husband… I have cheated and he knows this and I have never regretted anything more! We have been together for nearly 9 years and we are still working through alot and I admit and know the rapes have much with the cheating to do. I have since the first rape been seeking acceptance but I know this is not the way and haven't done it in years! We have three kids and the are our world… 

 

One thing I haven't mentioned my dad at all well, he started drinking alot after he and my mom split up and didn't see me until I was around 3 years old and got a sibling, my dad wasn't around much when I was young so I had to depend on my mom to be there but she wasn't! But as I got older especially after 18 years old I started to have a good relationship with my dad and I love having him around since my mom isn't at all, she always says "I never wanted kids" blah! We are 3 on her side… but my dad who wasn't there when I grew up loves being a grandpa and being there for my kids unlike my mother who hasn't even seen her youngest grandchild under a year old except for like 30 seconds in the store ONE f****** time and I am so God damn mad and sad and all mixed kind of emotions, my grandma/mom would have been so mad at her! My dad tries as much as possible to see my beautiful children!

 

I need to thank my husband for being there for me and standing up for me so many times and standing by my side all this time ? he is perfect for me and I hope this perfect man will be the man I will always be with because he makes me whole!

 

So yeah this just for me needed to come out and be lifted of my back.

 

My mom told me time and again that I wasn't supposed to have been born and that my dad didn't want me and at one point I was just a mistake. How can you say this stuff to you're child! How horrible can you be. I so love her still but I can't forgive this and I will not say my children to call her grandma because she does not act the part or deserve that title.

 

My children and husband are my gift from God and I am so lucky he has put up with me that perfect man I am married to.

 

God bless you all and I hope if you read this won't ever have to or have ever gone through any of this


Submitted: June 27, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Ronja.Ræ. All rights reserved.

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