I Will Stay

Reads: 103  | Likes: 2  | Shelves: 1  | Comments: 3

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

My life doomed at a young age because of the actions I decided to take. After a near death experience, I will stay...

I am living in teenage years, but I have lived a lifetime of being useless in this world.

In the years of life where you bloom like a flower, I am as dead as a rose on a gravestone.

It is not my life that has ended because I sleep with a quilt, instead of the cold broken earth.

I am letting my life die; you can see disintegration in my eye.

I am ungratefully still breathing while the air in my lungs should be leaving.

I need to change, for the painting of my life, is a portrait stolen of art.

 

I have been an alcoholic since the years that come before from being a teenager.

By the time I was twelve I drank more than my mother and father combined.

Going to school and being drunk, so many subjects and classes I would flunk.

I learnt nothing because the information inside my brain was never sober.

It wanted a library but instead I gave it a trip to an alcohol anonymous course.

I still drink to this day because life has nothing for me.

I am leaving my own humanity because I am a ghost to my own fucking family.

I won’t stay, I’m haunting my own life, I’m too scared of my own human skin.

 

When I am not drinking, my skin becomes a circus, because I bungee jump into the injection of drugs.

Injecting the needle into my skin is the feel of a meteor hitting this cold world.

The release of a lake into the river of my own bloodstream.

When you don’t know how to swim, it is easier to drown in the misery of life.

On a coffee table, I make a white line, a world record that I am proud of.

Blood is thicker than water, but mine loses the family tree.

In my bag of crack, I turn it upside down, and it is the snow of winter, that I prefer.

Another needle hitting a vein, my eyes losing light, a torch without batteries.

I won’t stay, it’s only drugs that I obey, for they keep me high today.

 

I dropped out of school like a healthy person dropping out of life.

I never had friends because they are insects that will die within one day.

A tiny piece of metal has become my only ally.

When I want to go for a walk, it leaves a trail, and it is beautifully colourful.

The only colour missing from a rainbow, forms like a puddle, forming without human tears.

I sometimes let the blade go swimming to see how long it can hold its breath underwater.

When it sees the person of a vein, I remember that I am musically inept at playing the violin.

My skin only pours when the weather is changing, I blame it on the weatherman.

I won’t stay, the blade will take a next right to the road of my vein, I’ll die today.

 

My eyes are losing the fight to stay open because the theatre of life is about to close.

I must be closer to death because the presence of a scythe is on my breath.

I have fucking left the high school of life and I’m about to start the university of death.

People are trying to save my life, yet they feel like a zombie feeding on me.

I want to be that dead flower on my own gravestone in a cemetery of death.

If I die, I’ll have a sixth sense, like having conversations with dead people.

If I live, I’ll have my whole life, to learn to give, and to reject the philosophy of a knife.

My life in the hands of people is like gambling with money that isn’t mine.

 

I have made my way home and my mind is as clear as water.

The element of life, my body made from it, better than being dead, my body a home to earthworms.

I do not want to be in the slumber of the cold earth because I’ll be a deeper sleep than the sea.

I will not drink alcohol because my shadow on the wall becomes more human than me.

I will not take drugs, because to be high and see the colour white, I will fly in winter.

I will not self-harm because my own skin, and my veins, don’t need a natural disaster.

I can paint that portrait because the art is appearing in my life.

It is no longer incomplete, so the art thieves of self-abuse, will only find a forgery instead.

I will stay for the sun is now not sickly and I will sleep when the moon becomes a stalker.

I Will Stay © Dexter Angelus Draven. All rights reserved.


Submitted: July 05, 2021

© Copyright 2021 TheGothicUndying. All rights reserved.

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Comments

BriannasBooks

Wow Dexter, this is probably one of the best poems I have read in a while! I really loved the repetition of "I won't stay" until the end where things begin to look up and it changes to "I will stay." You really captured how it feels to be depressed and why some people turn to substance abuse to get through the tough times. I definitely got some flashbacks to the beginning of high school when things were pretty tough for me. Well done! Hope you are doing well :)

Sat, July 10th, 2021 12:31pm

Author
Reply

I thought that that was an ok piece. i definitely struggled writing this. I returned to poetry because I am in a new beginning now, and it was a way to get posting on here again. I'll explain everything to you in a private message. The repetition of using those words, then changing it at the end was an idea I had in mind for a while, and so this somehow came together. I know I will do better, but its good to be posting again. Awful that you had some tough times at school, but I think we all did. Thanks for reading. Hope you are doing good :)

Wed, July 14th, 2021 12:02pm

Criss Sole

I thought this was a beautiful poem, and i could relate to a lot of this. Life has not been very kind to me, and i am all to familiar with trying to escape and trying to end the pain and numb myself.
Great use of metaphors, and i specially loved the ending and getting your power back.
Great poem.

Sat, July 17th, 2021 8:46am

Author
Reply

We all live in dark times at quite frequent points of our lives. Life has been pretty cruel to you, and the escape feels like the door. I think that we in the end try to find a way to stay. Thanks for reading. I need to do a better job of reading more of your work, and I will :)

Mon, July 19th, 2021 2:53pm

GilbertZenner

ey, you have written a really touching and relatable story about staying or not staying, running or remaining. very human, very deep. I have enjoyed reading this great work of skill and yes, this is one of the better poems out here.

Tue, July 20th, 2021 8:14pm

Author
Reply

The dark signs of life, those addictions, they end up running your life in a way. We find out how human we are, because it is the most important decision that we make, and that is staying or not staying. I thought this piece was very average. Looks like I am wrong. Thank you for reading.

Thu, July 22nd, 2021 3:19pm

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