Your Firmanent

Reads: 49  | Likes: 1  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 2

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

The firmanent rose around your head

Beneath the hills roll as if they’ll continue forever. There in the sky, is the twist of the firmament.

Sometimes you rue the day you discovered it. It was like something that began as a wonder, and then an inkling and then a curiosity. Then something you had never been able to place.

The house had been drawing closer, and you, with weary steps were gazing at the sky. It was the type of day where you didn’t appreciate the weather but you appreciated that it wasn’t worse. Mostly blue, a few dotted clouds, nothing special.

Then there it was, the firmament. The sky all around, but there, more like a shade than a line, the gentle touch of a turn. You followed it, this shade that was more of a feeling in your eyes than a sight, to the other side. A dome. The firmament.

You were caught. The open space wasn’t truly open. The air was just something twirling around inside something else. Containment had never been something you coped with. Deep breaths came, and you for a moment you wondered if you’d ever breathe freely again.

You’ve learnt to live with the firmament in the years. It’s nothing something you can change or reach, no matter how much you try.

It’s beginning to grow dark, and when you climbed up the hill away from the camp you had only been coming for a quick look. Your shawl was nothing compared to the increasing chill.

Looking up one last time, you check to see if it’s still there. Like always it rests across the sky, the invisible turns of the firmament. Moving your eyes to the land below, you know you should be admiring the beauty of it. The rolling hills that kept going well beyond the horizon, as if they were never-ending, uncontained. If they were uncontained why weren’t you.

You look up, the firmament was there, it covered even the hills. Yet they weren’t contained. You live in the same land, walk on the same ground. You breath, a fresh deep breathe that goes deep into your lungs.

No more holding back.

 


Submitted: July 10, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Archia. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

AdamCarlton

Well-written with subtle observations. Melancholic with a glimmer of hope. Gently atmospheric. I liked it a lot.

Sat, July 10th, 2021 7:57am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much reading, your comments are appreciated.

Sat, July 10th, 2021 1:57am

ratwood2

I like the way you built the tension by slowly adding more detail and observation. I have a few suggestions. I stumbled over the first sentence and then realized that it needed a comma after the word "Beneath".
I felt that the timeline of the story needed to be much shorter. In the story, you wrote "You've learned to live with the firmament in the years." I feel that the action at the end would have occurred after only days or weeks at the most. Perhaps this transition should be not being able to ignore the firmament for weeks. That way the person is continually being drawn back, almost forced to not ignore what they discovered.

Sat, July 10th, 2021 2:20pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much for your helpful comment, I'll keep those things in mind.

Tue, July 13th, 2021 12:01am

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