Chapter 26: A Night at the Morgue

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Horror  |  House: Booksie Classic

Reads: 125
Comments: 1

Sujay slowly sneaked inside the morgue of the medical college. The security guard had agreed to let him in, after he was given 500 INR. The security guard locked the morgue from outside. All this was recorded, and sent to Sujay’s hostel mates.

It was almost 9:30 at night. Sujay looked around. The morgue was filled with corpses awaiting their fate. He took out his mobile, and took a selfie with the corpses in the background. Then he sent it to his hostel mates. There was a chair in a corner, and he sat on it. He began playing a game on his mobile.

Sujay was a second year medical student of that same college. Today, he had made a bet with his hostel mates that he would stay in the morgue for a whole night. If he fails, then he would pay 10K INR. If he wins, they would have to pay 5K INR. He had a lot of confidence in winning the bet.

Sujay played different games on his mobile for two hours. Then he watched a movie. It was past 2 AM. He was tired, and sleepy. So he spread a bedsheet on the floor, and slept. Within a few minutes, he started to snore.

The mobile alarm beeped, and Sujay turned it off in frustration. He wanted to sleep more. It was 6:30 in the morning, when he checked the time. He lied down for some more minutes. Suddenly he jumped up, remembering where he was. He looked around, and relaxed, when he found nothing unusual.

Some footsteps were heard approaching from outside. The security guard had come to open the morgue door. Sujay was very happy, and he had already planned how he was going to spend the winnings.

“Hey bro, do you have a cigarette? I can’t go to the restroom before a puff.” A voice croaked behind Sujay. He jumped in fear, and turned towards the direction of the voice. There was a dark man with a bleeding, broken face, staring at him. Sujay's eyes widened, and he collapsed on the floor, holding his chest. Within a few minutes, his body went cold forever.


Submitted: December 13, 2021

© Copyright 2022 Poetshri. All rights reserved.

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G.P.Sharp

You were quick with the set up, bringing in Sujay's motivations and personality early in the story to speed up the pacing. The setting was described excellently as well, it feels no time was wasted in this story, and the flow greatly benefited from that choice.
However, I feel like that decision hurt the story in the end; the end was so sudden and abrupt. While the build-up was there, the conclusion came by so quickly that the set up actually felt unnecessary. Sure, the alarm clock and the guard returning felt like the moment to bring in the ghost, but the ghost felt bland in its horror; like the novel equivalent of a video game jump-scare.
I feel like the ending would have been more interesting with a bit more depth at the end; more signs of the ghost appearing, some sort of calling card or interesting imagery for the ghost, some more decision making or confusion from Sujay, anything to make the ending feel it more earned.
Other than the conclusion, everything else felt good to me, and the pacing was fun up till that point.

Tue, December 14th, 2021 3:28am

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Thank you very much for your comment, Sharp. :) I understood what you meant. I appreciate your constructive criticism. Thinking over it, I will edit the ending. Thank you again. :) Have a nice day.

Mon, December 13th, 2021 8:02pm

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