Chapter 25: Story 25

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

Reads: 75
Comments: 1

“O Khan! War will not solve disputes; Only love and compassion can. We’re all created by the same god.”, Padre Paolo urged the Mongol leader. “Hmm!”, Khan thought for a while. “You people must have been living in peace for centuries, yes?”, as he smiled, padre went silent. The next day, Padre's head adorned Khan’s pike.



Submitted: December 08, 2021

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Comments

FromBlackToViloet

At first, I was like ahh this is too short, I want more than I read the ten second short story than I was like oh silly me. Anyways, you did a good job bringing the tension, kind of like bring it to a thread, and then with the pitch fork of his head. I feel like ten second short stories": The main thing is your last and first line, leaving your last line with his head was impactful made me actually think of a western history class I took in college. Which is a good thing you want with this theme of your story. I remember the mongols, I was like uh oh. I'm like yeah, he was pretty blood thirsty for territories. The only thing, I know how booksie is with the format sometimes, I put some comments in where you have to sepearate the lines with the dialogue. I just felt like it would flow better, when you put the explanations marks. This was an enjoyable read and you made me look at my textboook about the mongols. Nicely done.

Wed, December 15th, 2021 12:32pm

Author
Reply

Thank you for the review, Violet. :) I will be rearranging the lines soon. As you mentioned, it may create confusion in the readers. Regarding the Mongols, they were one of the most dreaded warriors, but not the savages as the western historians described. They indeed killed the hapless people just like the Greeks, Romans, Germanic Tribes, Chinese, and Arabs. I came to know some interesting facts about the great Genghis Khan that were contradicting the claims made by the western historians. In the eyes of those, who have studied him thoroughly, he was a brilliant commander, humble being, and great ruler. Thank you again for your comment. :)

Wed, December 15th, 2021 8:21am

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