Project Another Fantasy World

I'm just a normal otaku. Normal? I don't know if I can say that either.
Other people might do the same thing as me I guess?
Read novel, Read manga, Watch anime, play video games.
I might be a bit too extreme too, because other otaku have friends.
Well they're outcast amongst other students, but I'm outcast even amongst them. So I have no friend.
Why I'm extreme you ask?
Of course because I spent too much time on those stuffs and sacrificed my sleep time for them. I compensated that by dozing off when I'm at school, luckily that I'm somehow genius and always sent homework so teachers won't scold me for that.
Well genius is a bit too much, but I'm always have high score on exam. I even on top 10 most of the time too, without a ding bit of study because I slept all the time at school.
But I'm rather 'special' here because my family travel to countryside nearly every week. My parents love nature, my old brother is enjoying landscape drawing and my little brother is having fun running around the countryside like it is his backyard. They're loving people and might be the only thing in this world that I'm attached to.
Sometimes I'm wondering, what even am I ? who am I ? why am I even here ?
I mean it's good that everyone are fulfilling as they are, but somehow there is something within me left unfulfil.
It's like I have a hole within me that no matter how much love I got there is no way to fill it.
I come to conclusion, I have no purpose.

One day a worrying teacher called me to talk in his office, he is obviously the homeroom teacher since I was year 1 high school.
He said "What are you gonna do in the future?"
What do you mean by that mister? I don't understand what you're talking about.
The teacher sighed at my answer
"I know that you're always sleeping in class but I believe that you did your part in study so you're always tired like that, but from the answer you filled in this survey I can't help but worry about your future"
The teacher show me the survey that I just sent yesterday, the questions are about dream and plan in the future.
Most people would have their desire jobs or some kind of situations they want to be in. But my answer is....
"I don't know....Why do you have to fill something like this, at least just fill something generic like I want to have a happy family or become a man that everyone look up to."
Yes, teacher. I really don't know why I am even alive now.
I answer him slopily but it seems he think I'm in depress and need help so he hold my hands
"please for the sake of god, if you need help tell me right now."
No, teacher. I just don't know anything. I'm completely at lost.
The teacher sigh and have some hope in his eyes.
"I'm glad that you're alright. Now I know a bit of your personality. You're an honest kid. Other students are also at lost too but they're embrace the fact that the next step of their lives are new adventure for them so they're exciting and being hopeful looking forward to that. There are students like you too, but it's gonna be fine because as long as you don't give up you'll find your way."
Thank you teacher. I will remember your teaching well.
"Come to see me if you need something, and remember that every teachers here are rooting for you"
I'm gladful for your support.

Everything is going on like usual until the day I graduated. I'm on my way back to my home and day dreaming about another world.
I mean the trend in light novel right now is isekai right ? of course I would think of the other world that I might ended up being there.
But I might read too much of them so I feels like every fantasy world out there are too cruel and not so beautiful or interesting as people talking about.
How would a human in somehow peaceful world live in the world where you have to fight in every steps you walk.
Even in the town where you're supposed to be safe some annoying strangers find their way to harrassed the protagonist.
When think about it like that I'm wondering what kind of fantasy world I would like to see ?
Well I don't know either so if any deity wish for me to see how wonderful their world is then I would gladly accept the invitation.
When thinking like that the whole world suddenly become too bright to the point that I'm blacked out for who know how long.....

Am I blinded now? who would use flash bang to a normal citizen in a broad daylight like that!
My vision slowly return to me so I blink my eyes several times before I could see a small figure in front of me....but the whole world is kinda too bright.
Hmm? A beautiful girl appear ?
*blush* Please don't say that. The girl said
Well I would appreciate if this world become a little cozy, it's too bright right now. I nonchalantly talk like that without knowing the situation.
As you wish mister.
Suddenly the world become sky bright with breezy cloud floating around.
I wake up because of that, it's not like I slept but somehow my mind never been so clear.
Is this good enough? the girl asked
it's wonderful. I answer then pat her head by instinct.
Ah! sorry, I didn't mean to be rude.
*giggle* don't worry about that, I'll guide you around my world to see how wonderful it is and maybe find some gift to thank you for accepting my invitation?
Haha, who would have thought that my wish  would come true so fast.
*giggle* It's you whom make my wish come true.
It seems we have something in common here.
*blush* let's go.

The girl guide me to many places, we're having wonderful time together. The world seems to be full of happy people, though the technology not advance but they're still have something which is important to them, it's family.
I suddenly miss my family because I saw many happy family living happily together.
This is the end of our journey here. The girl talk.
How do you think about my world? she ask.
It's a wonderful world. It's something we never....no.
It's something we used to have.
How come it's like that? she ask.
The world has fallen apart long time ago.
Human are greedy living being, there is barely oasis left in my world.
That's sad.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad like that.
Don't worry about it, here is my gift to you.
Hmm?
The girl reach out her hands to me and I touch them with my hands.
She is smiling.
Are you offering yourself to me? Don't you think you're a bit too young to do that?
*blush* hey! I just gave you my blessing so that you can visit my home anytime!
Well....is that an *ahem* invitation?
Yes?
Nothing. I will make sure to visit you once in a while.
Thank you. The girl is smiling
Now it's time to sent you home. The girl reach her hands to my forehead while I'm sitting.
The world brighten up again....
*scream* somehow the girl is screaming in pain in front of me.
I barely see anything then the girl reach her face near me and whisper
*I'm sorry that I couldn't send you home, it seems this world is nothing different than yours. I'm truely sorry*
She hold my face with her hands then kiss my forehead.
The last thing I see is her crying face before I lost my consciousness.

Everything is black....it's like there is nothing but only my thoughts.
I could feels the scattering memories of mine all over the place.
Nothing seems to be of importance but I also feels like that I forgot something.
How long I had been here? How many times I'm thinking to myself over and over again about nothingness? What even am I? Who am I?
WHO AM I?!?!?
Something triggering me, at the question of 'who am I?' which is something I asked myself over and over again. And then my memories that has been scattering away come back together and form piece to pieces then weaven into the story of my life that I had been live for quite some time.
*sorry....* Somehow I could hear a little quiet voice.
A flash memory of a crying girl face.
Now I remember everything....she is in pain and need my help.
But how can I get out of this black world?
I can't feel my body....wait.....

I spent some more time analyze the situation I'm in now, it's possible that what I am right now is just the scattering ideas that somehow formed together so that I could remember, the force behind my wills is actually me and I no longer have physical body.
Does it mean at that time we're both disintegrated into nothingness? How could you do that? No.....How DARE you do that to your own goddess and her guest?!?