My Best Friend Bert- #31

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Just another day in the life of Bert and I, but this one was sort of flat.

It was Saturday morning and my best friend picked me up at my house. He was driving his nearly new SUV.

Bert can be a bit Flashy when it comes to the car he drives, so awhile back he went all out and bought the biggest SUV on the market.

That vehicle has so many Bells and Whistles that it has to have other Bells and Whistles just to control all the other Bells and Whistles that come standard on that model. And the size of that car is so big I'm embarrassed to be seen in it; talk about vanities excesses.


Bert and I were going to the hardware store for some bolts and some gardening stuff, and after that we were going to have lunch at Betty's Burgers & Beer.

As we were lumbering down the boulevard, suddenly a light started blinking on the SUV's dashboard, it was a light that had the shape of a car's tire.

I knew what the light meant, but I wanted to see if Bert knew so I asked, "What does that light mean?"

"Low tire pressure," Bert replied.

After a short time I became concerned because Bert was taking no interest in the low-pressure warning, so I said, "Don't you think you'd better pull over so we can check it." {I actually meant, "so I could check it 'cause I knew I'd end up doing it; I always do."}

Bert just laughed.

"What are you laughing about?" I asked. Then I reminded him, "You are the one that has the tire problem and I'm the one that is in fear of my life if a tire blows."

Bert glanced my way as he said, "I got ("No-Flat Tires") on this buggy of mine. She'll go ten miles before the tire will be flat enough to cause any damage to itself or the aluminum rim; so I ain't worried."

I replied with a little logic, by saying, "Nothing works perfectly, Bert, so it would be a good idea to check it anyway. It'll only take a minute for me to jump out and do a quick walk-around to assess the situation."

"Alright, alright," Bert barked as he turned a corner and pulled the SUV to the curb of the side-street. And as soon as Bert managed to get that big boat stopped, I stepped out and did a quick walk-around.

What I found was that the rear tire on Bert's side of the car was badly deflated, and on a No-Flat Tire, that means she is flat.

So I told Bert, "Open the back hatch, this tire needs changing, now."


It is a good thing Bert carries a container full of Disinfectant Wipes in his SUV, a Covid habit still lingering, I guess. And I sure did need to cleanup after I finished changing the tire.

Not that Bert didn't do his part to help in the tire changing process, he held the chrome-plated lug-nuts so they wouldn't get scratched-up or lost.

I finished my cleaning-up once we got to the hardware store, I needed to use the bathroom anyway. And when I finished getting my bolts, Bert was already done with his shopping. I found him in his SUV and he was listening to his super-upgraded sound-system; I have to admit, it sounds great.


Boy, after all that work on Bert's car I was more than ready for lunch, especially the beer part.

And as we sat munching and chatting about the morning's events, I had a question regarding the tire's condition.

I questioned Bert, saying, "The ten mile tire estimate is way off on your car. We hadn't gone a mile and the tire was as flat as she could get."

Bert just chuckled as he shoved fries in his mouth. And after some chewing and a swig of beer he stated, "The tire-light doesn't come on until after the car is started and after it is driven for a short time; I guess it takes the car's computer some time to tell that a tire has lost air."

Then Bert got one of those Cheshire-Cat grins on his face and stated,

"I was halfway to your house when my Tire-light came on for the first time, so I pulled over and took a look-see; it was pretty low and I could see a nail in the tire.

I had just taken a shower and had clean clothes on, so I didn't want to get all dirty changing the stupid tire. That is when I realized that if I played my cards right I didn't have to, you could do it for me.

So when I got to your house I shut the engine off so the light would go off and reset; that was just before you came outside and got in the car. Then, when the light came on while you were in the car, well, I just didn't tell you that it had come on before."

I thought for a moment about what Bert had just said, and I have to admit that I was flabbergasted by the underhanded and deceptive tactics that Bert used to get me to change his tire.

Normally, Bert is not that cunning.

In fact, I was so impressed that I gave Bert a High-Five and bought him another beer.

And they say that friendship influences don't rub off.



D. Thurmond / JEF


Submitted: August 08, 2021

© Copyright 2023 D. Thurmond / JEF. All rights reserved.

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