WILLIAM

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All actions have consequences. Not all consequences become apparent straight away, some can take years to have an effect. And isn't it funny what can be said when talking to a man in a pub. William said a lot in the pub over the span of a few days and because of what he said he found out that his actions did indeed have consequences.

A character focused adventure set in the past. Target audience is probably teens or young adults. I'll add more chapters each day until the whole thing is uploaded.

Action and Adventure love death despair betrayal character

Chapter 1

Death comes to us all, We all fear the reapers call, Dread and fear, To us our lives are dear, He will claim us when we f... Read Chapter

Chapter 2

The next day in the same pub William the storyteller had taken his seat at the bar and four or five glasses were next to the man’s own ... Read Chapter

Chapter 3

Early next morning, around dawn William woke up and thought about getting out of bed, the same one that he had stayed in previous night. ... Read Chapter

Chapter 4

This time William had been allowed two hours of sleep before he was woken up by The Barman’s hand tearing him away from the soft, comfy... Read Chapter

Chapter 5

The next morning William was pleased to find that he wasn’t being dragged out of bed, he woke up of his own accord and went to sit at t... Read Chapter

Chapter 6

At the bar the next morning William asked The Barman for whiskey and sat drinking, waiting for The Stranger to come and take his seat but... Read Chapter

Chapter 7

“What was problem four?” The Stranger asked William who was still asleep in bed. The Stranger gave him a prod. William opened his eye... Read Chapter

Chapter 8

“Problem five.” William said calmly as he finished off his muesli. “Solomon. His condition hadn’t improved since Keith first took... Read Chapter

Chapter 9

After his little monologue on the possibilities of the past and his expression of sadness at the lack of opportunity to learn of the writ... Read Chapter

Chapter 10

Still flailing and screaming as they dragged him out of the pub, William was doing his best to fight the soldiers off, but he was having ... Read Chapter

Chapter 11

“This is the plan.” Stated The Stranger, his voice rung with tones of certainty and joy and he had an air of confidence that seemed t... Read Chapter

Chapter 12

William regained consciousness. He was sat in a small, wooden room. Every now and then a bump in the road made the cart jolt and made Wil... Read Chapter

Chapter 13

On they rode. A new day dawned. Above them the sky went from the eerie blackness of night to a deep blue which kept changing through a da... Read Chapter

Chapter 14

So, this is my life now, sitting here until they let me out every day. I wonder if anyone will come to save me. No, probably not. He ... Read Chapter

Chapter 15

As they approached the eastern gate, Bill and The Stranger were stopped by a pair of soldiers, one stood at each side of the gate. �... Read Chapter

Chapter 16

The doors opened and one of the soldiers beckoned to William to get out of the cart, which he did. Once he was out, he was given his ... Read Chapter

Chapter 17

Bright, shining stars littered the night sky and the light that reflected off the full moon lit the earth with an eldritch glow. Trees, g... Read Chapter

Chapter 18

Bright, shining stars littered the night sky and the light that reflected off the full moon lit the earth with an eldritch glow. Trees, g... Read Chapter

Chapter 19

There it was, The Prison Cart. They slowed the horses down to a trot as they passed it. Two sat on top and one in the driver’s seat... Read Chapter

Chapter 20

Hoof beats, the soldiers probably have some back up or maybe they have replacements and I’ll be able to try and escape again. Willi... Read Chapter

Chapter 21

As The Prison Cart came into view, the two men moved to hide behind their makeshift barricade made from the trees that they had felled th... Read Chapter

Chapter 22

“Patch him up and throw him in the cart with the other one.” The Leader of the soldiers commanded. He was surprised by the fact that ... Read Chapter

Chapter 23

On he went, out of the woods and onwards over the flat plains that laid ahead of him. He was alone. I knew that something like this c... Read Chapter

Chapter 24

William and Bill were now playing a primitive version of five a side football with the soldiers. Bill was in goal. William had a free roa... Read Chapter

Chapter 25

The Stranger had eaten two pockets worth of biscuits, he only had one pocketful left. The pocket in question was smaller than the oth... Read Chapter

Chapter 26

Beef today, they must really like me now. William thought as he sat and ate the sandwich that he had crafted out of his daily bread, chee... Read Chapter

Chapter 27

The Stranger had found another dirt track road; it could have been the same one for all he knew. He sat down, cross legged in the mid... Read Chapter

Chapter 28

A chill wind swept across the plains, so cold that it stung the flesh. It came from the mountains to the east. There were no trees on the... Read Chapter

Chapter 29

Out of the stone fortifications they came, they knew that they were the only ones that could have survived.More than thirty of them had h... Read Chapter

Chapter 30

Arthur and his men had set up camp for the night and were all in bed at dawn except for Arthur himself. The prisoners were still lock... Read Chapter

Chapter 31

Dum-Dum-Dum-du-du-du-Dum The drumbeats started and on they went, loud and repeating. The people camping outside of the grounds cr... Read Chapter

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Recent Comments

Archia

I'm very curious to find out what's going to happen, because everything seems quite idyllic so far. I know that something has happened that has separated William from his wife and son, and there's little hints here and there but nothing strong enough to show what's happened. I like that elusiveness almost, it makes it feel like it's building up to and making me really curious to find out what's happened.
It was a little hard at the beginning to follow who was speaking, especially since at first it's too soon to be able to notice any traits or differences in how they speak. Maybe at the beginning there could be a couple more things that show who is speaking. Later on it wasn't a problem, there wasn't as much back and forth but there's also a some clear differences in their tones, which was really nice to see. The Stranger is defintely a bit more formal in his language.
I think you've picked a really tricky format to write in. It's hard to get all the details that a standard format could get across easily, but spoken story-telling doesn't. It did at times seem a little odd that William was describing something, like how people looked, or how his house looked. People usually wouldn't be talking about those things when telling someone a story. I feel like you tried to save it a little by having the Stranger question William as to why he'd describe the house, but it did still seem a little irrelevant. I'm not sure if you want everything to be spoken, but if you are a little flexible with that, maybe some of the descriptions could be thoughts in William's mind. You still get the descriptions across that you want, and it also allows for the rest to keep that feeling of a story being told. There are times though when you did really nicely weave descriptions into the story; like when you were describing Keith. It put some emotion behind it and showed William's anger and made it more engaging and seem like it was relevant to the story. Putting some emotion into the descriptions definitely helps it a lot.
I enjoyed the mystery around the stranger. I know almost nothing about his life and I feel like it may stay that way for awhile, but when more finally does get revealed about him it will quite important and exciting. There's definitely a lot more to find out in many areas of this story, and there's a lot of building curiosity which makes it a great start.

Sun, August 22nd, 2021 3:01am

Author
Reply

Thank you for the feedback here. You’ve recognised how the style is challenging and I’ll definitely find time to edit this chapter in future. To be honest the extra description was mostly to pack it out a bit and give a sense of setting. I can look at the early dialogue too, obviously I was writing in the voices I wanted but if that doesn’t always come across properly it needs a change.
Keith is a big thing for William so I’m glad that description felt like it fit right. As for The Stranger, I’ve tried to keep him a bit mysterious so I like the fact that he and the story are sparking curiosity.
Thank you for this very helpful review, I’ve now got an extra little project for when the whole thing is uploaded.

Sun, August 22nd, 2021 12:27am