One Sided Love

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

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I believe karma is as ironic as interesting. Recalling a time in which I met the sweetest guy. He became a friend who will continuosly make me laugh. Understood parts of the inner child in me. So much so that I was comfortable enough to shed many layers of myself with him. Till this day I regret ever telling him I did not love him because in some form I believe I did. The problem was that I couldn't live up to what was expected of me. At that time I was unable to truly understand the grasp of love, as I didn't love myself. So I ended it, not even allowing myself a chance to bear my arms open. After being previously broken.
 
Not long after, I was blind sided by love again. I fell in love with someone who I believed to be a partner, admiration, and inspiration. Karma showed me that from hurting that old dear friend, I will be hurt as much, if not more. Once in love again it was worse than what I had remebered. It was tarnished even. As much as one can get lost in the high and blissful thrill of love, as easily can one be fooled. For what I thought this partner could love me and they thought I could love them. It's possible that we did. Even formed a sense of attachment in which we continued a loop. I believe we both knew we were doomed from the start.
 
Oh how ironic karma can be. I ignored it's snickers reminding me of the lessons to be learned when I encountered that old friend again. Oh silly girl, karma said. Do you truly believe things could be the same?, it pestered.  As naive as could be. I strolled full throttle in. Believing I'll have that old friend again. Even my mother thought I lost her when I said I planned to marry him. No matter what anyone said, I always knew. I understood my intuition. As much as I still couldn't grasp the true beauty of love, this time I was ready.
 
Ready to open my arms and surrender to the magic within love. Willing to devote myself to him, and blossom aside him. So much so that I flourished more than I thought I would've. Later realising I was rushing things, and if I really wished to continue to flourish I'll have to go at a safer pace. My now fiancee did not take this so well and we soon ended. I don't believe to having closed my arms this time. It's been over a year now, I still seek to reach depths that I never belived I could with him. Maybe I was mistaken, but I no longer choose to question my spirit. Even if others don't agree.


Submitted: August 19, 2021

© Copyright 2022 A. A. De La Rosa. All rights reserved.

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