Sweet Surrender

Reads: 257  | Likes: 1  | Shelves: 1  | Comments: 5

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic


The swaying of trees in the breeze 

Thoughts of a love that wasn’t meant to be 

Praying death to claim my soul 

Dreaming of its dark embrace caressing my fragile body 

Taking me down the pathway to hell 

Yet a sweet symphony of pain and pleasure enticing my senses 

The intoxicating smell brings sorrowful images to my mind 

Playing a mesmerizing ominous tune on my skin 

I’m lost in the entrancing sight dripping from my wrist

Red as a rose 

Like a river cascading in opposite paths 

Reminding me of times since past 

The love that no longer remained

I yearn for your touch softly stroking my cheek

The longing fire and passion from your eyes

But alas dead and gone 

The emptiness suffocating my very existence

Driven from my thoughts I glance once again at the masterpiece etched on my wrists

I smile my last loving smile as I feel death's embrace at last

I lie back against the tree and descend in the inviting welcome of surrender

 


Submitted: August 24, 2021

© Copyright 2022 Raven Rayne. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

DiyaSL

Woah! Felt like reading a story! It was so real. Your word choice is wonderful. A loss is something that affect us, and painful more that a wound. The description was well shown from each and every paragraph. =)
As a fact of improvement, I will give you a little tip :) Since this is a poem, it will be more likable to read if it is parted into stanzas.
Rather than that, all I have to say is amazing work there!

~Good luck with the contest !

Fri, October 15th, 2021 6:14am

nikappuhamy

Beautifully written!! You have simply noted down the feelings of a girl(I think it's you) with a masterpiece description.. The words you have used do perfectly matches.. This poem let the reader draw a picture in his mind, about what the poem is..
This poem simply flows between the lines.. Anyway, I only have to say that this is an amazing work..

And, I wish you all the best with the contest.. Keep up the good work, Rayne..

Fri, October 15th, 2021 12:59pm

nikappuhamy

Beautifully written!! You have simply noted down the feelings of a girl(I think it's you) with a masterpiece description.. The words you have used do perfectly matches.. This poem let the reader draw a picture in his mind, about what the poem is..
This poem simply flows between the lines.. Anyway, I only have to say that this is an amazing work..

And, I wish you all the best with the contest.. Keep up the good work, Rayne..

Fri, October 15th, 2021 1:02pm

shika

Stage 5 - Depression and Stage 6 - Suicide succeeding that is amazingly described here. The transition between the stages has been brought up well in the lines "I'm lost in the entrancing sight dripping from my wrist, Red as a rose", even detailing the regrets one has before death. The vivid imagery you've given for such a twisted fate of death is commendable. It takes courage to write about a disturbing ending and you made it seem bittersweet with the astounding way you've chosen to portray in this piece like "I smile my last loving smile...". Quite an emotional masterpiece. Kudos! Good luck with the contest!

Mon, October 18th, 2021 9:55am

Archia

I loved your imagery in this, it was so good. As someone who is very squeamish I appreciated that this wasn't gory but it was very poetic. The sadness too that this person feels towards their lost love was so beautifully captured too. Great poem to read.

Sun, October 31st, 2021 4:38am

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