Chapter 1: Ugh

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

Reads: 33

 My name is unimportant, my existence has no meaning , my life is without purpose. All I do is work and look out at the world that I will never enjoy and wonder why a creator would even breathe life into such a worthless vessel. I have the psychology of a mass murderer but the energy of an old man. I’m a 33 year old man but have the body of an out of shape 55 year old woman. When I think about my life I get so fucking frustrated I get a burst of rage and want to kill everything in sight and myself, but my head is so disorganized I can’t remember or keep control of my emotions. So I retreat into my home like a hermit and eat to fill the void inside that gets bigger and deeper with each second , of each minute, of every hour of my days. All I wish for is death and destruction, but it never comes.

 

My job is degrading. It physically makes me sick. I’m being used. I don’t get paid near enough for the bullshit they make me do. I don’t even get thanks. I put in applications for better paying jobs but I’m always lacking. I’m always getting rejection emails, but it's ok this job gives me just enough to live semi-comfortably in the ghetto where I  can be robbed or killed at any moment so maybe my death wish will come a little faster.

 

Nights are the worst times of my existence. Nothing but silence and my thoughts. Never ending voices screaming my inferiorities. They never stop and get louder each second, of each minute, of every hour. Maddening hours of no sleep draw out like a blade across thin wrists. I used to pray to the Christian God but like everything that exists or doesn't, He abandoned me or the connection died. I prayed on my face pounding the ground until my hands were bleeding and bruised , begging for just a little light in this darkness, and all I got were night terrors and unanswered prayers. I’m tired, so tired. I’M FUCKING TIRED ! I WILL GIVE MY LIFE AND SOUL TO ANYTHING THAT CAN FREE ME!

 


Submitted: August 26, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Psychosis The Fallen. All rights reserved.

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