Dice Dungeon!

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic

Three teens in the middle of their Dice Dungeon campaign are suddenly approached by the grim reaper himself. However, when challenged to a game for their lives, the Reaper accepts. Now these kids need to fight through the Reaper's storybook in order to survive.

Edit: Hi Royal Road. Taco here.

Table of Contents

Pilot

Spring. The warm air finally breaking through winter's grasp and leaving a glistening finish to all the freshly thawed plants. Some s... Read Chapter

Rags

The light didn't last long. It was like falling asleep. You're awake, and then suddenly everything has changed.    Krem... Read Chapter

To decay

"Alright Cole, curb your enthusiasm because, luckily for us, there isn't actually a body to bury." Kreme announced, being met with Cole c... Read Chapter

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Recent Comments

FromBlackToViloet

This is a really great start so far, you have a good introduction to start off the story. I saw what you did there when the grim reaper said the game is to die for by bringing in the title of game of your story. It makes the story more memorable and adds more of a sentiment. I do like your dialogue, how it's straight to the point, and does not seem overwhelming with Talking. I like how you introduced the friends, showing a bit of their character arc, and easier for me and readers to distinguish between them. I liked how you made us know who's talking to, since using third person can get confusing sometimes. I like how Cole acts like the protective one, also poor Kreme cause being bullied sucks. I bet Cole acts more hasty in the friend group, also kreme acts like the glue of the friend group, and I find Mac funny. I like how you bring up realism of the friendship, since it seems like an everyday occurrence except when Death is on the line. I did like how death was introduced, showing in like business suit, which makes me think like hey at least the reaper got class. By the way coconut bubble tea is so good, now I'm craving one. You said not to sugar coat, I did look at some grammar and put a few comments, but no matter what grammar is always easy to overlook. I could read your story without too much distractions and understand your content. I noticed when the characters did talk, just remember to put a comma: Like this- Hello children, I am death," Kind of like that. I did some few edits, just to give you an idea. You have a really good set up going on here, introducing the characters, building us readers to get the feel of the story, and jumping right into the action by bringing in death and the theme of this story. You're doing a good job, keep it up! Also bubble tea is life :}

Sat, September 11th, 2021 3:39pm

Author
Reply

I think I made a typo somewhere. Cole is supposed to be the insecure one that gets bullied, Kreme is the comforting protective one, and Mac is sort of the voice of reason.

Sat, September 11th, 2021 12:08pm

C. J. Davis

I always like the idea of a group of people playing for...let's say HIGH stakes.

You have a lot of back-and-forth between your characters. For the text conversations, maybe indent them as well as changing the font. When you switch perspective, put a break of some kind in between to indicate the POV change. It was confusing the first time it happened... I thought Kreme had popped up behind Cole as he was texting.

I have to wonder how they all died. Asthma, car, bullies? Hmmm...

I'm sending you a PM with further critiques, since I don't want to overly large comment.

Mon, September 20th, 2021 1:09am

ThoughtfulReader

I have pointed out several grammatical errors throughout the chapter. Aside from that, this is pretty solid. You seem to have a solid grasp of your characters and the story you want to tell with them.

I don't have much to say about the plot, this chapter was generally set up and introductions but the character interactions are consistent and generally well written.

The descriptions are a bit vague, especially on the backgrounds. While you don't need an entire paragraph just to say the kids are walking on a street, an extra line or two describing the area goes a long way in allowing the reader to visualize the scene.

I've said pretty much all I want to say about the grammar and punctuation. In summary, I'd say try to avoid run-on sentences. Also coming up with a way to display that the point of view is changing would make the narrative a bit easier to follow.

Keep writing. You can only improve. :] I will read any future chapters you post. I'm interested in seeing where this goes.


Fri, October 15th, 2021 1:14am

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