Chapter 2: Chapter 2

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Review Chain

Reads: 169
Comments: 4

 

 

 

Chapter 2

 

Eloise shivered. Her dampened shirt combined with the airish night chilled her skin. She drew herself inward, hugging her arms closer to her torso as the trailing drips from her shirt fell to the ground. It’s still technically summer, but the season of fall wasn't far behind now. The cell phone in her messenger bag started to ring, yet Eloise ignored her cell ring for the past hour. Of course, Eloise knew about being a shitty friend for leaving Alana and Marco back at the school. However, Eloise felt a bit reassured that she sent them an Uber and paid for the expensive fee.

 

Eloise tried to rub off the tears from her eyes, trying to compose herself before she got herself home. Thankfully, she's not quite out too late to go against her curfew, even though she’s cutting it close though. Luckily, her dad went out somewhere, since he's more of the overbearing parent. She did wonder where her father went out in such a hurry earlier?

 

‘Baby, 

I’m lost at sea in the depths of your eyes, 

not seeing the grey in the sky.

 

Eloise stopped dead in her tracks, looked up to discover a blonde teenaged boy petting his black cat. The teenaged boy kept singing:

 

‘I put my head in the sand, 

picturing our own sand castle on land, 

not believing it will ever become quick sand.

 

The song sounded so sad as she stared up at the blonde teenaged boy in total captivation. Eloise had a feeling this might be a trap, since some vampires used different ways to lure their prey to them. Most of the time, she's pretty immune to their seductions, but not this one apparently.

 

Baby, I’m delirious of your summer hue, 

not sensing the change in you.

 You're calm before the storm,

but I might as well be whisked away.

For the oncoming waves

of serious denial.’

 

Something about those last melodic lines had hit Eloise deeper than she cared to admit. She wondered if she would lose her friends, since she's a monster who lost a bit of control over Marco’s wound. Sure, she didn’t drink his blood, but she has never encountered an incident where she had lost her control over a human before. 

 

"Enjoying the show, sweetheart?" She heard his voice behind her giving her a slight jolt of surprise. Her mind soon registering that he was no longer on the roof.

 

"Sheesh, you're silent like your cat, don't they ever put bells for you?" Eloise questioned, even though it's a bad idea to engage with this vampire. The boy smirked at her, inclining his pointy fangs that made an appearance above his lips.

 

"I've tried putting bells on my cat Mac, but he's always been an alleycat. Although putting a bell for me, how kinky of you." Eloise snorted at his vulgar remark, but then something about his green eyes made her memory scratch.

 

"You!" Eloise shouted suddenly, even though she sounded absolutely crazy.

 

"Me!" He mimicked her innocently as she took notice of his casual jeans and black hoodie.

 

"Yes, you, you're the one who…" Eloise knew she sounded absolutely ridiculous, especially by accusing him for kissing her on the cheek. Damn it, she could feel herself blushing by the memory.

 

"Hey, woah, did I do something to make you cry? Shit, sorry, I don’t know what to do when someone cries." He asked her sincerely, which made Eloise feel a few tears lingering on her cheek. 

 

"What, no, you didn't make me cry. Look, I had a shitty night, and I am just really confused about everything! I guess your pretty singing kind of made me feel more emotional.” Eloise finished loudly before she walked away from him in a tired huff. Unfortunately, he must be her personal shadow, since he's now walking next to her and grinning at her flirtatiously. 

 

"So you think my singing is pretty?" He questioned her with a smirk, which covered up the vulnerability in his tone.

 

"Out of all of the things from your egocentric head, my compliment of your singing caught your attention. Who are you, anyways?" Eloise questioned with exasperation, but then berated herself for not asking his name in the first place.

 

His smirk widened for her confusion, feeling himself a bit intrigued by this dark-brown haired girl's personality. 

 

"You really don't know who I am, even though I'm quite notorious and famous in the vampire community?" Leo pushed further, liking the way she fluttered her doe-eyed amber eyes with heavy thinking. Finally, Eloise shrugged her shoulders in defeat. 

 

"Not particularly, unless you're someone who sings with his cat at the dead of night, and has a slight narcissistic complex. Then, your guess is as good as mine." Eloise replied sweetly, not really caring if he’s some big shot with the community.

 

Sure, Eloise didn’t really talk to the other vampires, except for the creepy ones who liked to bring out those stupid invitations. No outsiders knew about her being a hybrid. Most of the vampires she would come across thought she's a delectable human. For instance, the ones who brought her the invitations thought she's Theodore's adopteddaughter. Many vampires believed Theodore is playing house and he's eagerly waiting to change her at a certain age. In fact, her surrogate grandmother, Belinda Dubois, relentlessly wanted Eloise to join the vampire  community.

 

"I was right, you really do have a brilliant fire. You do not fear me, yet you know what I am, and are quite honest.  Call me Lionel, babes," Lionel had his hand out to her while she looked wearily at him.

 

Lionel smirked at her, trapping her with his mischievous gaze. "Come now, darling. I won't bite, fang’s honor." 
 

Eloise scoffed loudly when he crossed his heart to make his dramatic point.

 

"Sorry, you may be cute, but it will take a lot for you to get in my good graces,” Eloise said while she walked around Lionel again. He then gently grabbed her shoulder, causing her to go tense before she saw his mock hurt expression. 

 

“Don’t call me cute, I’m devilishly handsome and a perfect gentleman with an honest handshake.” Eloise couldn’t help rolling her eyes, but she indulged him as she shook his gloved hand. However, she didn’t expect him to kiss her hand like a suitor, which made her blush like a swooned maiden. 

 

The bastard could probably hear her heart going crazy, so she tried to cool her blush by thinking of him as an enemy. Her resolve hardened when he grinned at her like a meerkat. So the slimy Adonis knew what he was playing at. Wait, why did she compare him to a Greek sun god? Okay, she needed to get a grip of herself.

 

"Look, I've had a long night, and need some sleep. If you're here from the council, you can kindly tell them to drop dead again, and to please leave me and my coven alone. If you're here trying to take a bite at me, you do not know who you're dealing with here, and my father is not someone you want to cross with. Anyways, Lionel, have a good night. Let's hope we never see each other again, so bye!" Eloise finished in a hurry, leaving a puzzled Lionel behind. She fought off a heavy chill from the cold, feeling her teeth chatter.

 

Suddenly, Eloise felt someone gently tugging on her arm, making her whip out her slinky. She held in her laugh at Lionel's perplexed expression, but then his expression shifted into something dangerously playful.

 

"It may look like a slinky to you, Lionel, but you couldn’t be more wrong. This is no kid's toy, so if you value your arm being connected to your torso? It's wise of you to let me go." Eloise warned in a threatening tone, trying to hide her fear of probably having to fight him. She could defend herself against vampires sometimes, yet she was so dead on her feet.

 

Luckily, he slowly dropped her arm and then put his hoodie over her head. Eloise quickly adjusted the big hoodie to fit her better, which felt like she's being surrounded in her own personal fabric heater. Of course, Eloise stared up at him stupidly, not expecting this from him at all. Surprisingly, she tried to hide her blush when he smiled at her openly.

 

"You're going to catch a cold, you know. I'm not sure if your wild night was taking a dive in a pool. Anyways, I really mean you no harm, and I believe you about that slinky. However, you will be seeing me around, since you’ve caught my interest." Lionel got closer to her face, liking the pretty blush on her face, and he heard her delicate heartbeat between them.

 

"See you around… Eloise." Playfully redoing their first encounter, he disappeared after placing a kiss on her warm cheek, and resisted the forbidden temptation by taking a playful nibble at her beautiful swan neck.

 

Eloise felt a bit at loss for him knowing her name, but she gathered he probably knew her name from the beginning. Looking around to make sure he's gone for good, trying to placate the confusing disappointment of him no longer here. Eloise headed home, hoping she wouldn’t miss her curfew. As she let out a sigh, the scent she inhaled made her mouth water, finding the palpable smell more than any blood she has ever smelled. What she couldn’t understand is the distinctive smell coming off from Lionel’s hoodie. And even more confusing, she couldn’t smell any blood from the cloth material. 

 

So what had she really smelt?

 

XOX

 

Theodore sat in Henry's office, trying to see if there were any changes from the last time being here. Theodore now noticed a painting, which had not been there before. Theodore saw the Anderson family in a perfect pose: Caroline sat properly on a red velvet chair, with a smiling eleven year old Leo on her right, and Henry stood tall and regal on her left.

 

"It's one of my favorite’s, Denis knew what he was doing when he painted us. I would recommend him to you, if you're missing the old ways of how a good picture should be properly done." Henry bragged like the king he was.

 

"I might, since my daughter is always curious about how I held still for that very long. I told her, years of practice," Theodore replied with a frown as Henry poured them a glass of rich blood.

 

"Yes, you're daughter, how is she by the way? She will be seventeen soon, the proper age of a lady, I shall say." Henry commented while he drank the luxurious taste of blood from his cup. On the other hand, Theodore didn’t touch his glass, since he couldn’t contain the proper blood with his cold blood diet

 

"Proper lady, this isn't the 17th century anymore, but I will say she has grown to be an intelligent young woman." Theodore responded carefully while he tried to ignore how Henry unabashedly licked his fangs.

 

Henry tapped his glass with his family ring, which echoed quietly throughout the dark office. He then again poured himself another glass of blood, indulging his gluttony that made Theodore seethe in disgust. 

 

"Yes indeed, quite right. Times have changed, yet we still remain what we are. As you claim, your daughter is intelligent, but you kindly forgot to mention a fighter." Henry pointed with his finger towards a physically scarred Talia. 

 

"Before you came in here, Talia and I set aside our differences,” Theodore stopped for a moment when Talia bent her head with acknowledgement. "Regardless, it shows how sloppy you were to send someone to kidnap my daughter in broad daylight, and undermine what my child could do." Theodore finished with a hiss, remembering that awful day along with Talia too:

 

XOX

 

In the early hours of the morning, Savannah and a twelve-year-old Eloise went for their usual mother-daughter outing at the farmer’s market. Eloise wandered off by looking at something interesting, giving Talia the chance to quickly snatch her. Eloise then found herself in an abandoned building, but Eloise managed to pull off Talia's dark cloak. Talia in response hissed at Eloise as she tried to grab her. However, Eloise stayed firmly in the places where the sun shone on her through the big glass windows.

 

"Listen, youngling, my master needs you. So be a good little girl and come with me," Talia dropped her voice into a hypnotic tone, yet the little brat stubbornly stayed put and the hypnosis didn’t affect her. Eloise then took out a bag of marbles, earning a dark chuckle from Talia.

 

"You think a childish toy will save you, how terribly naïve of you, darling," Talia pointed out while she prowled around Eloise with a dark smirk. Eloise then let out a feral smirk of her own, earning Talia to be a bit weary around this child now. 

 

"I'm not a child, I'm almost a teenager now, and this is no toy for children." With that, Eloise used her trusty marbles. Eloise took aim with the different colored marbles before she shot at the different windows. As Eloise kept breaking windows, which made the blazing sun fall upon Talia.

 

Talia howled in wrenching pain, trying to stay away from the sun. Talia felt idiotic for thinking she could take on the child by herself, but she underestimated the child of a former huntress. As Talia huddled herself in a dark corner, she tried to cover up her burning face. At first, Talia thought she'd lost her mind when she saw the child bring back her cloak. However, Talia heard the child talk to her, yet she couldn’t understand why the child talked to her kindly in the first place.

 

"Sorry, I'm sure you're following orders. But you need to leave me and my family alone. I don't know what you want with me, but it makes my father unhappy. Again, I am so sorry, but maybe you guys will finally leave us alone." Eloise then left behind some cream for the scars to Talia. Afterwards, Eloise disappeared out of the building and unknowingly caused a domino effect.

 

XOX

 

Back in the present, Talia could tell the child held deep compassion for others. However, Eloise is not someone you could take advantage for her kindness. From then on, Talia stayed away from Eloise, even though other vampires paid Eloise harmless visits with invitations by the king’s orders. Although the vampires learned their lesson not to drag Eloise against her will. Talia gained a heavy respect for Eloise that day, wishing the teenager's father would stop being such a hard ass. It should really be up to Eloise to decide if she wanted to join the vampire community.

 

"I quite frankly don't know what you were thinking, Anderson. However, I understand your wife's critical condition, but I made sure you wouldn’t treat my daughter like cattle." Theodore said as he recalled from memory lane. The whole kidnapping had to do with his daughter becoming a blood bag to heal the limbo queen. Of course, Theodore felt a pang of sadness for Caroline, but his child always came first. Nonetheless, Theodore is not sure about what will be different about Eloise’s mutant blood, and is not risking it if Eloise could possibly heal the queen.

 

Henry’s cool mask changed to something monstrous as he scratched Theodore’s chest painfully. Theodore held in his grunt of pain, giving the king a defiant glare. 

 

"Don't you dare speak of what you don't know, Dubois. If you value your daughter's life, it will be in your best interest that she comes to the next soiree. In fact, it wonderfully falls upon your daughter's birthday, what a wonderful coincidence." Henry harshly let Theodore go, looking all calm and collected now.

 

"Indeed, your daughter would look fashionably well in red. I shall ask one of my men to send it to her, and then say it's an early birthday present of a welcome to the community." Henry commented before laughing darkly, leaving a flabbergasted Theodore as he questioned the king's sanity.

 

"See here, Anderson. You, Talia, Caroline, and I made a blood pact that my daughter's status of what she is will never come out. Eloise going to that soiree would make her an open invitation, which she would not partake in by joining your elite coven." Theodore stated while still feeling the tingling of his palm by the blood oath for the secrecy of his hybrid daughter.

 

Theodore knew there were many covens across the globe, since vampires need to be in packs without going into insanity. For instance, Theodore's last name Dubois is his coven name, since for the life of him he couldn’t remember his mortal last name. Theodore then found himself nauseated at the thought of him and his daughter being switched into the king’s elite coven. He had to talk to Belinda when he could, since she's his leader of the Dubois coven. 

 

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, your highness. My daughter will not be joining because we have a tradition for her birthday every year. So, please excuse me, since I believe we're done here." 

 

Theodore made his way to leave, even Talia moved away from the door for him. However, before Theodore opened the door, he stopped when Henry said something that made him hesitate. 

 

"You do know I could mention your daughter to the Elder unless you could be cooperative for one little soiree.” Henry knew he had Theodore on a thin hook, since the Elder is even higher than Henry the king of vampires.




 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Submitted: September 24, 2021

© Copyright 2022 FromBlackToViloet. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Ann Sepino

Henry is so desperate that he's resorting to threats now, huh? He's going to be so angry if whatever he's planning blows up in his face. And this is the first time I've ever read about a character using a slinky for a weapon. I do know that some people load marbles onto their slinghshots or shooters. Then again, falling on those springy metals can be painful.

As for the writing, I think I spotted a few typos (sudde -> suddenly, beloved -> believed) that can be edited quickly. The flashback might do well in a seperate chapter dedicated to Talia. Just suggesting this option if you want the tension between Henry and Theodore to keep going until the end of the chapter. Looking forward to whether Eloise can be persuaded to go to the soiree or not. :)

Sat, September 25th, 2021 2:32pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much! Btw, I fixed those typos you mentioned, I was sort of revising and booksie was being a pain when I formatted lol. Yes, tension is quite in the air with the king and Theodore. Believe the king is a bit mad, almost bloody mad like king henry the eighth, I took world history in college and I just couldn't help myself lol. Oh I am so glad you like the slinky for the weapon, I really tried to think about different kind of weapons', which might seem harmless but isn't. Trust me, Eloise slinky is not something you want to get tangled in.

I get what you mean about the flashback, it does put a bit abruptness with the tension, I might in the end put different side stories since each character has a lot.

Thank you so much for your helpful feedback and for the soiree you shall see:} Poor girl dosen't know what she's in for.

Sat, October 9th, 2021 8:00pm

Thoughts Before Rem

Ok so this one is really good, we are getting deeper into the story and I really like that. I can see a love triangle forming and although that's not really my thing I can appreciate that at least all characters who are involved are at least being explored a bit internally.

Once again I want to point out Eloises personality since she is supposed to be shy but she is actually very well adjusted and assertive. Leo also comes off as a but stale and generic in how he quickly falls for Eloise but I guess that can be chalked up to them being connected from childhood.

Really good story I am looking forward to continuing. I am reading it a bit slow since the chapters are long but I will finish.

Wed, December 29th, 2021 3:01am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much rem:) I am glad I’m improving with my writing. Yes a small love triangle is forming, a couple for different characters, which I always like to write lol. Maybe it from my twilight days lol. I’m glad you liked the characters, I get what you mean about Leo falling fast for her, but the childhood part has a lot to do with which would show more later;)

I get what you mean about her not being shy, I might have to see how I can go and switch it. Like she’s shy but not shy if that’s makes any sense. I think I should put she’s more shy with her crush.

Anyways, please take your time, I really appreciate your comments and the edits you’ve been making. Even you editing my chapters mean a lot. I really appreciate it cause I like to grow as a writer.

Thanks again rem:)

Fri, January 14th, 2022 9:29am

Bulldog Lover

Well done!

I enjoyed reading through this chapter. I admire your imagination when it comes to vampires! Something I would have no idea how to write.

Some things may need a little adjustment. The use of adverbs. It's often better to find a way to rephrase the sentence without them. Of course, it's a personal choice.

Also, repetition of names can be avoided when it's only two people in dialogue. Rather than keep saying their names, you can write she or he etc.

Last, a little grammar in the sentence "Yes, you're daughter," shouldn't it be "Yes, your daughter."? Hope this helps you otherwise, feel free to ignore:)

Sat, January 1st, 2022 10:49pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much! I get what you mean about third person she or Eloise. Writing third person is a challenge I took from an old teacher of mine which actually was how calla lilac first got started lol. I also took your advice greatly with the two person dialogue bc it has helped me a lot.

I’m glad you like my take of vampires since it can be overdone but you’re enjoying the tale.

Really thanks again! Your advice has helped me a lot

Fri, January 14th, 2022 9:32am

A.K.Taylor

OK, So I'm sure I have missed some information since I didn't go back to Chapter 1 to get caught up on this little tale you've got going, but I'll try to review this segment as I've read it.

The story isn't bad. A little cliche, but not bad. I do however have to point out that there is a lot of cringe worthy scenes and dialogue happening throughout this chapter. (A personal critique) It makes them seem much younger than they probably are. Not sure of their ages or maturity levels. Most vampire lore doesn't deal with anything younger than teen, so I'm guessing around this point and up.

Not sure how much lore you understand about vampires or how much research you've wish to put into it, but hybrid vamps--one parent human, one parent vamp--are also referred to as Dhamphir or Dhampir in some works. So here's another term to use besides "hybrid". Hybrid is more a clinical term. It works once or twice but after that it sounds over-used.

Another tip: Stop using she's and he's contractions to indicate he was and she was. This is destroying your tenses in the story. She's and he's typically mean she is or he is. Make sure you stay consistent.

Tip #3: You don't have to use Eloise's name so much. Shorten it to El for a change, or simply use she in place of it, especially if you're using third person perspective like I think you are to tell the story. (I had to learn this the hard way myself.)

I took the liberty of offering a new starting line or two to begin this chapter, along with a few other changes here and there throughout to clarify some phrases or wordings.

Cool idea using a slinky as a weapon. Since I'm physics minded, I see a plethora of constriction, torsion, and slicing methods of attacking using this mechanism as an extension of her abilities. Although, it is a rather odd choice. A yo-yo might've been more believable.

If you need more of this story sorted through for editing, send me a message I wouldn't mind going over a few chapters to help you out.

Tue, January 11th, 2022 1:43am

Author
Reply

I really appreciate your suggestions throughout my story. It has really helped me what to be mindful while I'm writing. Yes, the repeating with Eloise name, I have trouble a lot. I usually don't write third person much, I did it as a challenge, and I really like what you suggested. I see what you mean about hybrid, I didn't know about Dhampir so I might change that in the future.

I see what you mean about the yo-you being more believable, but I put in slinky for like something new since yo-yo tend to be overdone sometimes. I also loved slinkys as a kid and used to imagine they were like part of my magical superpower when I was a kid.

I'm going to comb through your suggestions, I really appreciate it so thanks again:}

Wed, January 19th, 2022 3:30pm

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