A Libro Consiliorum Tale: The Foreigner of Fawn # 1 - The Unwelcoming [F&SF]

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Thrillers  |  House: Booksie Classic

Featured Review on this writing by charlamaye

Libro Consiliorum #10

Emanuel Antonio is a man from the New World. He has a secret, nor you or anyone else must know. He travels to a town called Fawn who too has a secret. A beast has appeared which has made many people disappear. Accused of crimes he didn't commit, will Emanuel help the town of Fawn to clear his name, or will revealing the roaring beast that lies within the forest reveal a howling being that lays dormant with our boy Emanuel.

Created: October 13,2022


The year is twenty-three, and men now walk across the sea in a large baroque. Pushed by the waters far away from the New World, S.S. Abadessa, a three-mast ship, the first of its kind, docks her mass on a troubled land. From within her womb, a man of peace steps forward, leaving his burdens and tonnage behind him. Emanuel Antonio is a man from the New World. He has a secret that neither you nor anyone else must know. Emanuel Antonio kneels his head down to the poorly brick streets before him with his tall, gallant stance and uneven shaved face.

 "My, Bellalina... Elis," Emanuel says, as he stumbles. The town of Fawn was dark and vile. Its peasants showed no welcome to visitors. Emanuel murmured, "This town is as grim as the sea that led me." Between the houses of bricks and stones, where narrow pathways curved and turned, a figure emerged from the shadows to greet Sir Antonio.

"My master!", the strange figure, as if anxious, said. In a stutter in its voice, it spoke again, "An honor it is for you to enter...!" The strange figure was small and round in stature, wearing an old straw rug as a hood and caped robe. Slowly coming into the dimmed light, the figure continued, "I say it is a splendid honor, especially for your kind." whispering the last word. Antonio looked down at the figure moments before passing as he was about to pass.

Angry and puzzled, Antonio replied, "I needeth not know, nor do I knoweth at all the words you speak.” said Antonio.

The figure's eyes widen, "Ahh~aha! For he who stands before me doth not know? This man of men thinks he is of that kind? Or this man of kinds thinks he is of men?" said the figure.

"You know nothing of me, vermin!” Emanuel replied, shouting loud enough for passersby not to hear.

"Kern! tis my name, but vermin is thy name I shall receive!", the figure revealed.

Antonio grabbed Kern into the shadowy alleyway and threw him onto the dark, bricked wall. Emmanuel Antonio burst with a jolt of anger with a loud bang and gallant voice, “Heed my words to what I am about to say to you. Leave me alone! For those looking for closer death, death follows me!" Antonio pushes Kern between stone roads, falling into mud and horse stool. Kern, now covered in filth and dirt, eyes blinded by the smell, slowly stood up and walked back into the dark alleyway.

Before he disappeared into the darkness, Vermin Kern made his farewell, "Yes…...my master.”

The town of Fawn was a dark place, filled with houses made of wood instead of stone, the sky smudged by a factory of sorts. In the center of the town lies the sheriff, a tall, slender man, the tallest man Emmanuel had ever seen.

The sheriff despised newcomers to the city of Fawn or just anyone he did not know in general. "Hey, you, foreigner!" the sheriff shouted. “What brings you to my town?" He grumbled.

Emmanuel Antonio, tired from his trip, clothes damp by the vigorous sea, made his reply, "A new life, sir..."

"A new... what?" the sheriff gargled, drinking his ale. "No one comes to my town seeking anything, especially life."

Already not too keen on the town of Fawn, Emmanuel was unbothered by the unwelcoming. "Then...I will be on my way". As he turned his back with his sights set on an old pub, the sheriff took one quick half-step, though it looked like a leap to a regular-sized man slumped over the shoulder of Emmanuel Antonio. The sheriff grew nearer to Antonio's left ear while idle, breathing his ale and paste into Antonio's face. Like the legs of a spider, the sheriff’s fingers crawled up the back of Antonio only to rest beside his neck.

The sheriff whispered in Emmanuel Antonio's ears with a deep breath saying, "I saw you... foreigner of the sea...roaming through my alleyways, speaking to the rats. Tell me, have you seen any beasts?"

As night drew nearer to the town of Fawn, Emmanuel's chest began to leap. "Beast, sheriff? I only know of the one before me" to joke about the sheriff's height and slenderness.

"Overbold, aren't you, foreigner, but not too wise." the sheriff replied, standing upright with his hand on Emmanuel's shoulders. The ground shook as if a chariot of horses raced towards them. It was Emmanuel's heart. The murky sky grew darker and darker, and Emmanuel, enriched with rage, started to feel a heaviness within his arms. "Yes... foreigner, fear me like the wanderer you are! You look like trouble, trouble for me, trouble for Fawn! Go back to where you came…. Vermin!"  The sheriff revolted with his stance, still towering over the angered Emmanuel.

"Vermin, you say sheriff?!" said Emmanuel, hearing the echoing laughter of Vermin Kern in his consciousness. "You have no idea the "trouble" I bear witness to, nor the nightmares I hope to overcome, and the pain I wish to lay past!" The night was tensely dark when the clouds drew in from the east to cover the moonstone's light.

"Save your story for the drunks, for I need to keep an eye on you tonight!" the sheriff bloated. The sheriff uses his right arm to reveal handcuffs with his left arm now surrounding Emmanuel's neck. Emmanuel's eyes, gleaming red like a wood fire, turned his body and underhand the sheriff, causing both to lose their balance on the bricked stone ground. The sheriff, now falling, cocked his right leg back to regain his balance, but failed.

Emmanuel Antonio, with the sheriff pinned to the ground, was kneeling over him. His breathing was fast and heavy, like a locomotive at full speed. His body swelled up as if to explode in seconds. Emmanuel's eyes were once red like a wood fire, now blue due to the moonstone's rays shining above like a furnace at its highest temperature.

"I warned you, sheriff, in taking me to a place where my nightmares reminisce!!", an ill-tempered Emmanuel spoke.” Emmanuel's voice seemed to change as if another spoke. Did you hear it?

"A live one, aren't you, foreigner! I will show you how to act in my town!" The sheriff regained his strength and rose from the ground. The sheriff shot up with his arms, now choking our boy, Emmanuel. As he struggles to break free from the fingers of the sheriff's grip, the sheriff punches Emmanuel to the ground to finally put his handcuffs on him.

Emanuel again spoke regularly. "I… am not... the beast you seek but -" in the same breath, different from Emmanuel's, the more resonant voice began to surface. Emmanuel, trembling like a boiling pot and stoned pebbles vibrating the ground, unleashed newfound energy!

"I... I will be the beast you – “

"Sheriff! Come quickly; it is the beast!” a loud man shouted. The sheriff jumped up and ran with his men!

 


Submitted: September 13, 2021

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A Libro Consiliorum Tale: The Foreigner of Fawn # 1 - The Unwelcoming

A mysterious man named Emmanuel Antonio leaves his home in the New World. He has a secret neither you nor anyone must know. He arrives at a town called Fawn which too has a secret: A beast has appeared, people have vanished, and a strange figure named Ker

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Comments

Eraser

The music is great! Did you compose and record it? It sounds a bit like Hans Zimmer but with its own sound. Look forward to listening and reading more.

Thu, October 21st, 2021 12:23am

Author
Reply

Hey! Yes. i composed these musical pieces myself! Han Zimmer.....is my Idol! So to hear that from someone organically is very appreciative!!!

Wed, October 20th, 2021 6:02pm

Ann Sepino

I love the detailed descriptions that you chose to go with. It gives the story an old-world feel. And I appreciate the fact that the setting, while detailed, barely distracts readers from the central characters.

I have very little technical knowledge of music so I can't comment much on it. But I think that its ambience suits your descriptive style. It sounds like a cinematic soundtrack.

I do have two small suggestions, and one of them is to chop the lengthier text blocks into shorter paragraphs. A sea of text makes it harder to decipher the characters' conversations. Generally, dialogues are easier to follow if they either start or end a paragraph.

The second is to watch out for similar words or phrases in the same sentence. (ex. Right as he was about to pass, Antonio looked down at the figure moments before passing.) It's best to avoid redundancies because they cause one's narrative flow to 'feel bumpy.' Other than these, I enjoyed reading this story. Kudos!

Mon, October 25th, 2021 2:36pm

Author
Reply

Thank you for taking the time to read! this is the very first time I'm hearing someone ready and react to my work so i am extremely humbled. As for your suggestion, I'll will greatly take notes on lengthy dialogues and redundancies. (i will make revisions a priority)

nonetheless, i am truly honored.

Mon, October 25th, 2021 5:21pm

Randall Krzak

Suggestion to Improve Your Writing

"My master!", the strange figure, as if anxious, said. In a stutter in its voice, it spoke again, "An honor it is for you to enter...!" The strange figure was small and round in stature, wearing an old straw rug as a hood and caped robe. Slowly coming into the dimmed light, the figure continued, "I say it is a splendid honor, especially for your kind." whispering the last word. Antonio looked down at the figure moments before passing as he was about to pass.

Here's a suggested edit of this paragraph. Recommend looking at each paragraph and adjust as necessary.

"My master!" the strange figure said. In a stuttering voice it spoke again. "A-an h-honor it is f-for y-you to e-enter." The figure, small and round in stature, wore an old straw rug as a hood and caped robe. It slowly entered the dimmed light. "I say it is a s-splendid h-honor, especially f-fuour y-your ... kind."

The final sentence doesn't belong to the figure and so it needs to begin on a new line:

Antonio looked down at the figure moments before he passed.

Mon, May 23rd, 2022 5:26pm

Raphy13

Interesting piece ! The detailed descriptions of characters and Fawn helped in painting the whole picture of the story .Music is on point ...

Thu, May 26th, 2022 6:30pm

charlamaye

Mon, May 30th, 2022 1:32am

charlamaye

Thank you so much for the audio presentation are you planning to produce this in any other form because if so I would love to see it it would make a great movie or audiobook on CD

Mon, May 30th, 2022 1:33am

Author
Reply

My hope is to complete the story and publish it alongside musical album.

Sun, May 29th, 2022 6:51pm

charlamaye

I would LOVE to see it and would buy it I will pay anything u want.

Mon, May 30th, 2022 7:38pm

charlamaye

That's good I might have a short story that it's called the mountain woman talent then you can I have another one that you might like called the ears it's about Dumbo

Sun, July 24th, 2022 6:34pm

Diamonheart

Nice audio. your descriptions are very well made.

Mon, September 19th, 2022 9:11pm

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