Bloodless Episode 28

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

In the Bloodless series finale, Oliver and Stephanie plan to escape from Barrett's clutches. Kelly, Sheffield and Tricia go to rescue them. Charlie finally gets his wish with Nancy. Sheffield and Tricia fulfill a commitment to one another. Roy pays the price for his crime. Stephanie finally finds her people. Naomi encourages Kelly to do right by Roy.

BLOODLESS

 

“NON-COMPOS VAMPIRIS PT. 4”

 

TV-MA DLV

 

“Do it for the fluid, you knew it was movin’ forever. Loop it, the truth is, the movement was really too clever. Who is the newest to do it, to pursuing a useless polluted agenda? Too long to get they bullshit together”

  • Daveed Diggs

 

(Open on Oliver, Stephanie and Barrett seated around the table in the dank basement. Oliver and Stephanie are chained to the floor by their ankles. Charlie and Nancy are standing by dressed like waiters in white shirts and bowties while holding dishes- looking humiliated)

 

BARRETT: So, what’s in store for family dinner tonight, waiter?

 

(Charlie sighs, as he lifts the lid from the dish and reveals a plate containing a heavily sedated chicken)

 

CHARLIE: Tonight, you’re having a heavily sedated chicken. I think you’ll find that sucking its blood will not only nourish you but relax you. On account of the sedatives. Enjoy.

 

(Charlie steps away and nudges Nancy. Nancy rolls her eyes and steps forward and throws down some napkins)

 

NANCY: There’s your bleedin’ napkins.

 

(Nancy steps away. Stephanie looks dazed)

 

STEPHANIE: …Oliver, I’m so cold.

 

OLIVER: I know, Steph, I know. You’ll get used to it.

 

STEPHANIE: I DON’T WANNA GET USED TO IT!

 

BARRETT: HUSH! Quiet at the dinner table, remember, that was the rule.

 

OLIVER: THAT WAS NEVER THE RULE!

 

BARRETT: That was always the rule when I was around- no fuckin’ talking at the dinner table!

 

OLIVER: What an insane rule that would be.

 

BARRETT: Fine, you wanna talk? Let’s talk! Like a family! How’s school, Steph? (Stephanie averts Barrett’s gaze. Barrett bangs on the table) Look at me. (Barrett grabs Stephanie by the shoulder, and she looks at him reluctantly. Barrett backs off) …How’s school?

 

STEPHANIE: …Fine…

 

(Barrett nods his head)

 

BARRETT: …See? Now we’re getting somewhere.

 

(Barrett grabs the chicken and starts sucking its blood. Oliver and Stephanie trade weary looks. Cut to Sheffield, Kelly and Tricia in Oliver and Kelly’s apartment. Sheffield is sitting on the couch, sharpening his stake, while Tricia knocks several wooden arrows onto a crossbow. Kelly, meanwhile, is flipping through one of her books of magick)

 

SHEFFIELD: I can’t believe that fuck was my friend once.

 

TRICIA: Hasn’t anyone ever told him what happens to snitches?

 

(Tricia shoots an arrow into the wall)

 

KELLY: TRICIA!

 

TRICIA: Sorry.

 

KELLY: No way we’re getting our security deposit back now.

 

(Kelly walks over and pulls the arrow out of the wall and sits back on the couch. Sheffield takes out a rag and starts dusting off his stake, which is situated between his legs)

 

SHEFFIELD: So why have I never heard of these murders in Chicago?

 

KELLY: We didn’t want to tell you- for obvious reasons.

 

SHEFFIELD: Again- do I look like a snitch? I mean, they were attacking you!

 

KELLY: Not by the time Oliver killed them.

 

TRICIA: So, it was Oliver alone?

 

KELLY: No, we were all a part of it.

 

TRICIA: Who slit that dude’s throat?

 

(Kelly looks down)

 

KELLY: …Uhhhh…

 

(There’s a knock at the door. Kelly quickly grabs her stake)

 

TRICIA: It’s still daytime out, Kelly.

 

(Kelly creeps to the door and looks through the peephole. She sees Roy waiting there)

 

KELLY: Son of a bitch.

 

ROY: (OS) Kelly- just hear me out! Please!

 

KELLY: GO AWAY!

 

SHEFFIELD: Let him in!

 

KELLY: Why?!

 

SHEFFIELD: I don’t know, I just want to hear what he has to say. I’m here for the drama.

 

(Kelly scoffs)

 

KELLY: I remind you- we’re heavily armed.

 

SHEFFIELD: With WOOD!

 

(Kelly unlocks the door and opens it. Roy steps in. Kelly closes the door and backs away. She sits on the couch)

 

KELLY: You have thirty seconds.

 

ROY: …I’m gonna need more that.

 

KELLY: You have as much time as you want, just fucking talk.

 

(Roy sighs)

 

TRICIA: First of all, how did you get out of jail?

 

ROY: They put my bail as low as possible because I’m cooperating with the state.

 

SHEFFIELD: Yeah, I bet they gave you a penthouse cell, too.

 

ROY: Yeah, I’m a black dude accused of murder, they treated me real nice.

 

KELLY: Who put up the money?

 

ROY: My lawyer. He had to mortgage his house, but I think he’ll realize it was worth it.

 

KELLY: Alright, so what the fuck do you want?

 

ROY: I want to help you rescue Oliver.

 

KELLY: RESCUE Oliver?! You’ve CONDEMNED Oliver to DEATH! What do you think happens the first time they take him out into the yard, asshole- or even escort him to the courthouse!? Unless it’s overcast, he’ll fucking BURST into flames, dickhead!

 

ROY: You know- I turned myself in too! I didn’t do this to save my own ass!
 

KELLY: Jesus- if you wanted to go to jail so bad- why’d you have to say Oliver’s name AT ALL!?

 

ROY: Because I met Harold’s sister.

 

KELLY: What?!

 

ROY: She was interning with me at the law firm. We had sex.

 

SHEFFIELD: Nice.

 

(Tricia rolls her eyes and pushes Sheffield)

 

ROY: I had to hear about how much she missed her brother. (Roy throws his hands up) I certainly couldn’t say it was me!

 

KELLY: He was being STARVED.

 

ROY: Doesn’t change much for her, does it Kelly? Her brother is dead. Oliver himself knows what that’s like.

 

(Kelly and Sheffield trade looks)

 

SHEFFIELD: About that.

 

KELLY: We’ll get to that later. What the fuck do you think you’ll even bring to the mission? And yes, I’m calling it a mission!

 

ROY: An extra set of fists. (Roy puts up his fists) I can throw hands with these vamps- on God.

 

KELLY: Ugh.

 

SHEFFIELD: We do need all the help we can get. We’re three humans facing a vampire, or perhaps several vampires that have superhuman strength. It’s actually incredibly dumb.

 

(Kelly looks at Roy skeptically)

 

ROY: Come on. There’s a reason I didn’t rat on you.

 

KELLY: …Yeah, and what’s that?

 

ROY: I think you can be redeemed.

 

KELLY: And Oliver can’t?

 

ROY: …He’s a vampire, Kelly. He can hardly help it.

 

(Kelly sighs)

 

KELLY: You can come. But this shit between us is not even close to over. Grab a stake.

 

(Sheffield grabs a stake from behind the couch and throws it to Roy, who catches it)

 

ROY: Thanks. How do you use this thing?

 

KELLY: You jab it.

 

ROY: Okay, thanks.

 

(Cut to  the parking lot of Kelly’s apartment. Kelly is loading the stakes and the crossbow into the trunk, as Tricia, Sheffield and Roy stand by. “On The Move!” by Genesis Owusu plays as she slams the trunk, and they all pile into the car. Kelly starts the car and pulls out of the parking lot. We see a black car parked on the street starts up and begins following them. We see a front-end shot of Kelly’s car speeding down the interstate. We can see that black car following them at a distance. Kelly takes out a cigarette and tries to light it, but her car starts veering onto the shoulder, so Sheffield reaches over and jerks the steering wheel to get it back on the road. Kelly sighs and hands Sheffield her cigarette. He takes out his lighter and lights it, then hands the cigarette back to Kelly. Kelly takes a toke on it and throws it out the window. Sheffield and Tricia start yelling at her, and she gets real defensive. She zooms past the camera. The song fades out as we cut to Barrett slurping down blood from a wine glass. He swirls it around in his mouth for a bit, and then spits it in a bucket being held by Charlie)

 

BARRETT: No, it’s all wrong. This tastes like it belonged to some decrepit Wal-Mart greeter, and that kind of blood does NOT age well. What do you guys think? (Pan over to Oliver and Stephanie sitting in front of their wine glasses of blood- totally dead-eyed) Have you guys even TOUCHED your blood?! Come on, Steph, have a sip. (Stephanie shakes her head “no”) Come on! How do you know you don’t like it if you haven’t tried it?

 

(Stephanie shakes her head even more aggressively)

 

OLIVER: …Not to take his side, Steph, but you will have to get used to it.

 

STEPHANIE: This is HUMAN blood!

 

OLIVER: Good point.

 

(Barrett slams the table and stands up)

 

BARRETT: FINE! Clearly they don’t like it- waiter, go get them that junkie blood we saved up, I’m sure they’d LOVE it!

 

CHARLIE: I have a name, Barrett. Thanks.

 

BARRETT: Fine! You don’t want to do your job, have your woman do it.

 

NANCY: Suck on some eggs, you tosser.

 

BARRETT: Excuse me!?

 

CHARLIE: Barrett- could I talk to you a moment?

 

(Barrett sighs)

 

BARRETT: Excuse me a moment, I need to talk to the help.

 

(Charlie sighs, as Barrett gets up and goes over to the corner. Nancy joins them)

 

NANCY: It’s time for you to stop giving us a ride on the ol’ whirligig, yeah?

 

CHARLIE: Yeah, where’s the other 25k I’m owed?

 

BARRETT: You’ll get it after I’m done with you- now enough of this insolence!

 

CHARLIE: That’s another thing, show me some fuckin’ respect, you cocksucker! I can’t believe we agreed to dress in these outfits to begin with! Fuck the 25k- I’ll leave RIGHT NOW if you don’t shape up!

 

(Barrett growls, but then takes a swallow and rubs his eyes)

 

BARRETT: I just want to let you guys know that you’re doing a great job.

 

CHARLIE: (Simultaneous with Nancy) Thank you!

 

NANCY: (Simultaneous with Charlie) Oh, for fuck’s sake.

 

BARRETT: Let’s go kill it out there, huh?

 

(Cut to Kelly’s car pulling into the parking lot of the Old Joliet Prison- which has a steel entrance arch bearing that name. The prison itself is a sprawling castle of faded tan brick. It is now night. There are two vampiric guards- just pale-skinned dudes with tight black shirts- standing out front. They immediately draw their flashlights and shine them into the car. But they see no one inside)

 

VAMPIRE GUARD: What the hell?

 

VAMPIRE GUARD 2: (Brooklyn accent) There ain’t no people drivin’ that car! What is it, some kinda ghost car?!

 

(The window is suddenly rolled down, and Kelly splashes holy water on them through the window- burning them severely. They scream and fall on the ground. They bust out of the car and head toward the prison. Five more vampire guards emerge, and Kelly, Sheffield, Tricia and Roy pull out their stakes The camera pushes in on Kelly)

 

KELLY: Looks like Prison Break is being revived after all!

 

SHEFFIELD: They filmed Prison Break here?!

 

KELLY: (To Sheffield) Yeah, you believe that?

 

(Kelly, Sheffield, Tricia and Roy starts fighting the vamps. Cut to the basement where Barrett, Oliver and Stephanie are having their dinner. Charlie and Nancy are standing by still. Barrett raises his glass of blood)

 

BARRETT: Let’s have a toast. To family- dead or alive. (Barrett smiles. Oliver and Stephanie remain still. Barret bangs on the table) DO IT!

 

(Oliver and Stephanie get scared and lift their glasses. Suddenly, a vampire guard runs in)

 

VAMPIRE GUARD: Sir- some vampire slayers are here, and we’re suffering heavy losses!

 

(Barrett puts his drink down, as do Stephanie and Oliver. They all look at him)

 

BARRETT: How many do we have left?!

 

(Cut to Kelly, Roy, Sheffield and Tricia in a circus of combat outside the Old Joliet Prison. A vampire lunges at Kelly, and she stakes him- turning him into a pile of dust. Another vampire lunges for Sheffield’s neck, and he pulls him into a hug, and stabs in the back with the stake, dusting him right away. Kelly tackles a vampire to the ground and tries to stab in the heart, though the vampire grasps her arm and holds it off. Roy is cornered by a vamp, and he pushes him into Kelly, which in advertently pushes Kelly’s stake into the vamp’s heart, dusting him. Then, Roy positions the stake to where the vampire falls right into it and blows away in the wind. Tricia kicks a vamp in the face, and she curb stomps him until his face is nothing. When he gets up, she unceremoniously dusts him. Cut back to the basement)

 

VAMPIRE GUARD: Not very many!

 

BARRETT: Alright- Nancy, go out there and fuck the humans up.

 

NANCY: Alright.

 

CHARLIE: What?! Why her?! She’s a human!

 

BARRETT: I’m not gonna risk you- you’re my most valuable asset!

 

CHARLIE: No, fuck this, I’ll go!

 

NANCY: Charlie- I can kill some measly humans. They’re weak and vulnerable, I would know. Just shoot ‘em and that’s it. Give me your gun.

 

CHARLIE: I WILL NOT!

 

BARRETT: I ORDER you to give her your gun!

 

NANCY: Charlie. (Nancy steps forward and wraps her arms around him. She kisses him passionately. He gives in. She brings her mouth to his ear. Whispering) I need to show you what a human can do.

 

(Nancy snatches Charlie’s gun from his waistband and runs off)

 

CHARLIE: NO!

 

(Charlie gives chase, but the vampire guard and Barrett hold him back. Meanwhile, while they’re distracted, Oliver leans over to Stephanie)

 

OLIVER: (Whispering) While they’re distracted, quick, let’s pull on these chains.

 

(Stephanie nods, and they start pulling aggressively on the chains binding their respective feet. Cut to outside. Tricia jumps up and grabs onto the “Old Joliet Prison” sign, swings forward and kicks two vampires in the chest. She then takes out her stake and dusts them both)

 

TRICIA: That’s what the circus teaches you, motherfuckers.

 

(Roy is pinned on the ground fighting off a vamp, while Kelly is playing chicken with a vamp by the entrance, and Sheffield is panting on the ground)

 

ROY: TRISH! SHEFFIELD! SAVE ME, GODDAMNIT- I MEAN, GOSH DARNIT! Fuck, this is not a good time to sin-

 

SHEFFIELD: ONE SECOND, I’M CATCHING MY BREATH!
 

(Tricia rolls her eyes and runs over. She kicks the vamp off Roy and goes into stake him, but the vamp grabs her wrist and holds her back. The vamp goes for her neck, but gets shot in the head, which knocks him back, enabling Tricia to dust him on the spot. They all look to the entrance, where Nancy is standing with a smoking glock)

 

NANCY: Bugger, I missed!

 

(Nancy turns and fires again, but Tricia ducks. Kelly dusts the vamp she’s fighting)

 

KELLY: FUCK- I didn’t think we might need guns!
 

(Nancy turns to fire at Kelly, but she casts a spell to turn the bullet stray and runs off. Suddenly, the black car that was following Kelly’s car speeds into the parking lot with a cadre of Joliet Police cars. They all get out with their guns drawn- Detectives Hutchison and Sussex, plus the cops, stationed behind the car doors)

 

DETECTIVE HUTCHISON: DROP THE WEAPON OR WE’LL SHOOT!

 

NANCY: NOT ‘TILL THE JOB’S DONE!

 

(Nancy points to Roy and fires. Roy jumps out of the way)

 

ROY: FUCK!

 

DETECTIVE HUTCHISON: WE’LL GIVE YOU ONE MORE WARNING!
 

ROY: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?

 

(Nancy points to Sheffield)

 

SHEFFIELD: NO, PLEASE I DON’T WANNA-

 

(Detective Hutchison fires and strikes Nancy in the chest. She drops the gun and looks down at her chest, as blood soils her waitress outfit)

 

NANCY: …Why am I leaking…

 

(Nancy falls to the ground. Detective Hutchison, Sussex and all the cops now turn their guns to Sheffield, Roy, Kelly and Tricia)

 

DETECTIVE HUTCHISON: NOW DROP YOUR- YOUR, WOODEN STICKS! (They all drop the stakes and put their hands up) Arrest them!

 

(Cops arrest Kelly, Roy, Sheffield and Tricia)

 

KELLY: MY FRIENDS ARE IN THERE!

 

(A cop shoves Roy to the ground)

 

ROY: COME THE FUCK ON!

 

DETECTIVE SUSSEX: Are your friends in danger?

 

KELLY: Yes! All of you guys should go in there and rescue them. Be sure to go in one at a time.

 

SHEFFIELD: Holy fuck.

 

(The cops descend on the prison. Charlie rushes out of the prison, and two cops seize him)

 

CHARLIE: I MANAGED TO GET AWAY! (Fake crying) BUT PEOPLE ARE STILL IN THERE, AND HE’S GONNA KILL ‘EM!!

 

COP: We won’t let you down, son.

 

(The cops rush away. Roy turns onto his side)

 

ROY: You gotta be fucking kidding me.

 

(Charlie rushes to Nancy, distraught)

 

CHARLIE: BABY! Are you alright?!

 

(The cops looking after Kelly, Sheffield, Roy and Tricia perk up)

 

COP: HEY! Leave her alone!

 

NANCY: I don’t wanna die, love…that’s not supposed to happen to me…

 

(The cops draw their guns and approach)

 

COP: STEP AWAY!

 

CHARLIE: Don’t worry, babe. You won’t die. You’ll be reborn.

 

(Charlie’s fangs come out and he bites deeply into Nancy’s neck)

 

COP: What the fuck!? Come on, buddy-

 

(The cops approach, Charlie stands up with Nancy in his arms, still biting into her neck and pushes the cop back with one shove. He then rushes off at inhuman speeds into the dark of the city)

 

KELLY: Holy shit, that guy always wins.

 

(Cut to the basement. Barrett is tensely standing in front of Oliver and Stephanie, still sitting nervously at the table. We can hear the cops marching outside)

 

BARRETT: (Whispering) Don’t you dare make a fucking noise.

 

OLIVER: What’d you say?

 

BARRETT: DON’T MAKE A NOISE! Oh, fuck!

 

COP: (Muffled) They’re down here! (The cops kick in the door and three of them rush down the stairs and point their guns at Barrett) DROP THE GUN!

 

OFFICER: He’s not holding a gun-

 

COP: PUT YOUR HANDS UP THEN!

 

(Barrett lunges at the cops, so they fire on him- which knocks him back a little, but of course, doesn’t kill him. Barrett stumbles back, but then lunges at them again- they scream and turn to run. But Barret grabs a cop and rips his throat out. He then throws him to the side, trips one of the escaping cops and slits his throat, though one cop manages to escape with his life. Oliver leans over to Stephanie)

 

OLIVER: (Whispering) When he gets close, we throw the table at him on three-

 

STEPHANIE: (Whispering) What? We’re not strong enough to- that’s right, we are!

 

(Barrett walks back over)

 

BARRETT: What are you whispering about-

 

OLIVER: THREE! (Oliver and Stephanie launch the table at Barrett, knocking him back) GIVE ONE LAST PULL ON THAT CHAIN!
 

(Oliver and Stephanie pull their legs real hard and the chains don’t quite break. Barrett growls and angrily lifts the table off of his body)

 

STEPHANIE: SHIT!

 

OLIVER: KEEP PULLING! (Barrett launches the table at Oliver and Stephanie are catapulted back, as the chains break, they’re launched toward the wall. Barrett marches toward them, and Oliver and Stephanie trade looks behind the table and nod. They throw the table back at Barret, knocking him over. They rush over to him) I’ve heard of table tennis, but this is ridiculous!

 

STEPHANIE: Nice!

 

(Oliver breaks off one of the table’s legs and throws the table off Barrett. Oliver puts the impromptu stake right to Barrett’s heart)

 

BARRETT: Please, please, Oliver- you just got your brother back, why would you get rid of him now?!

 

OLIVER: You’re not my fucking brother. I’m not even Stephanie’s brother. (Stephanie looks at Oliver, puzzled) In fact, Stephanie’s not even my sister. We’re demons who took over their bodies. But you know what. The demons that took over our bodies aren’t giant dicks like you are.

 

BARRETT: Oliver, Steph, we’re a family!

 

OLIVER: Goodbye, whatever you are.

 

(Oliver plunges the stake into Barrett’s heart, and he bursts into a pile of dust. Three cops rush in with their guns drawn)

 

OFFICER: FREEZE! HANDS UP!

 

(Oliver drops the stake, and both Oliver and Stephanie put their hands up. The cops look down at the two cops with their throats slit on the stairs. They glare at Oliver and Stephanie)

 

OLIVER: IT WASN’T US! IT WAS HIM!

 

(Oliver points to the pile of dust on the ground. The cops rush both of them and slap handcuffs on each of their hands. Cut to the cops escorting Oliver and Stephanie out of the prison. The Detectives are there waiting, and Sheffield, Roy, Tricia and Kelly are still standing there in handcuffs)

 

OLIVER: Guys?! What are you doing here?!

 

(Detective Sussex gets in Oliver’s face)

 

DETECTIVE SUSSEX: SHUT UP!

 

(The cop who ran out perks up)

 

OFFICER JACKSON: Why is the young lady cuffed?

 

OFFICER O’REILLY: There are two dead cops in there!

 

OFFICER JACKSON: They weren’t the ones who did it- it was some other guy with black hair!
 

OFFICER O’REILLY: There wasn’t no guy with black hair in there!

 

OFFICER JACKSON: Maybe he got away! Why would I lie?!

 

SHEFFIELD: Because you’re a cop, for one- (Kelly kicks Sheffield in the knee) OW! I mean- you’re probably telling the truth in this very specific instance.

 

DETECTIVE SUSSEX: Fine, uncuff her.

 

(Officer O’Reilly uncuffs Stephanie)

 

OLIVER: What about me?!

 

DETECTIVE SUSSEX: YOU!? YOU are under arrest for the murders of Christopher Gutierrez, Antonio Jimenez, Juan Garcia, Harold Lennon-

 

OLIVER: WHAT?!

 

DETECTIVE SUSSEX: Quincy Estrada, Bert McDougall, and Dr. Natalie Nestle.

 

OLIVER: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!

 

DETECTIVE SUSSEX: Get him in the car.

 

(The cops start dragging him to the cop car. Oliver glares at Roy, who avoids his gaze)

 

OLIVER: (Under his breath) …You son of a bitch…

 

(They stuff Oliver into the back of the cop car and slam the door)

 

KELLY: Can I ask what we’re arrested for?

 

DETECTIVE HUTCHISON: I don’t know, probably vigilantism. Put them in the cars.

 

(The cops stuff Sheffield, Tricia and Roy into a cop car)

 

SHEFFIELD: By the way, guys, Trish and I are getting married!

 

(The cops slam the door on them)

 

KELLY: Congrats…

 

(The cops who have Kelly look around)

 

OFFICER CORRIN: We have no more room,  ma’am, unless we want to put this woman and her boyfriend together.

 

(Detective Hutchison shrugs)

 

DETECTIVE HUTCHISON: Whatever. Fine.

 

(Officer Corrin opens the cop car and stuffs Kelly into it and closes the door behind them. Oliver looks at Kelly with tear-filled eyes)

 

OLIVER: I’m going to jail forever, huh?

 

(Kelly grinds her teeth)

 

KELLY: …That or a mental institution.

 

OLIVER: It was Roy, right?

 

(The cop car starts up and they start going. Kelly nods)

 

KELLY: He slept with Harold’s sister and caught feelings. If you do go to jail, though, he might be your cellmate.

 

(Oliver’s eyes go wide)

 

OLIVER: He gave himself up too!? Oh shit- does that mean you’re going away!?

 

(Kelly shakes her head “no”)

 

KELLY: Guess he has a soft spot for me. (Oliver starts crying. Kelly tries to reach for Oliver’s shoulder, but can’t due to the cuffs. Kelly starts welling up too) There, there, Oliver. I’m here for you- even if I can’t reach you.

 

OLIVER: …Stephanie’s dead.

 

KELLY: …But I just saw… (Kelly’s jaw drops) oh my God…

 

(Oliver leans his head on Kelly’s shoulder. They sit together in tender grief. Cut to a courtroom, being presided over by a middle-aged Judge named Melanie H. Bixler. A psychologist in glasses is on the stand, being questioned by a lawyer for the state- a woman with a black ponytail named Jola Beck. Oliver is sitting handcuffed behind the defense table, assisted by a hotshot defense attorney named Gerald Alberici)

 

JOLA: Dr. Hamalainen, how did you know Dr. Natalie Nestle?

 

DR. HAMALAINEN: I was a colleague of hers at the practice.

 

JOLA: Okay, and do you see one of her patients in the courtroom today?

 

DR. HAMALAINEN: Yes, he’s right there.

 

(Dr. Hamalainen points to Oliver)

 

JOLA: Let the record reflect that the witness has identified the defendant, Mr. Oliver Shine. Dr. Hamalainen, did Dr. Nestle ever discuss Oliver with you?

 

DR. HAMALAINEN: Frequently.

 

OLIVER: (Under his breath) What the fuck, isn’t that illegal?

 

JOLA: By name?

 

DR. HAMALAINEN: Yes.

 

(Oliver throws his hands up)

 

JOLA: What was her professional opinion?

 

DR. HAMALAINEN: That he suffered from very serious delusions.

 

JOLA: What was the nature of these delusions?

 

DR. HAMALAINEN: Mr. Shine believed himself to be a vampire.

 

(Murmuring in the crowd)

 

JUDGE BIXLER: Order. Continue, counselor.

 

JOLA: Your honor, may I approach the witness?

 

JUDGE BIXLER: Yes.

 

(Jola approaches the witness and produces a series of pages ripped from a notebook. She shows Dr. Hamalainen the pages)

 

JOLA: Dr. Hamalainen, do you recognize these pages?

 

DR. HAMALAINEN: I do.

 

JOLA: What are they?

 

DR. HAMALAINEN: Those are Dr. Nestle’s psychiatric notes.

 

JOLA: Would you please read this one for the court?

 

(Dr. Hamalainen takes one of the notes and clears his throat)

 

DR. HAMALAINEN: “Oliver has been consumed by a delusional belief that he is a vampire. He only agrees to meet at night, and the few times we have met in the day he has insisted on drawing the blinds tight. He even cut himself in front of me and told me to test his blood to prove that it’s not his own. I am leaning toward a recommendation that he be committed to a psychiatric institution until likely symptoms of schizophrenia and possibly Renfield’s syndrome can be resolved”.

 

JOLA: Can you define Renfield’s syndrome for the court?

 

DR. HAMALAINEN: It’s a clinical obsession with drinking blood.

 

(Jola nods)

 

JOLA: Thank you. (Jola takes the notes) Permission to enter into evidence as Exhibit A, your honor?

 

JUDGE BIXLER: Is there objection? (Pause) Without objection, evidence is admitted.

 

(Cut to Stephanie on the stand, already holding back tears. Oliver’s attorney Gerald Alberici is questioning her. We get a shot of Jeff and Kelly Shine, along with Sheffield, Tricia and Kelly Calvert, observing proceedings from the public seating)

 

GERALD: Ms. Shine- did you ever observe your brother exhibiting delusional behavior?

 

(Stephanie wipes the tears out of her eyes. The Judge pushes a tissue box toward her. She pulls a few and tends to her tears)

 

STEPHANIE: …My brother isn’t delusional.

 

(Murmurs in the crowd)

 

JEFF: (Whispering) Stephanie- what the hell!?

 

(Oliver shakes his head “no”)

 

OLIVER: (Whispering) Come on, Steph.

 

GERALD: Ms. Shine. Isn’t it true that he told you he was a vampire?

 

STEPHANIE: Yes. And he’s not delusional.

 

(Gerald sighs)

 

GERALD: Regardless of whether he’s delusional or not, Ms. Shine- clearly, he’s not a vampire, correct?

 

STEPHANIE: …My brother’s not delusional.

 

GERALD: I have no further questions for this witness, your honor.

 

(Gerald returns to the defense table. Cut to later. There’s a low hum of conversation in the courtroom. The Judge is absent. The court officer steps forward, and everyone goes silent)

 

COURT OFFICER: All rise for the honorable Judge Bixler.

 

(Judge Bixler takes the stand)

 

JUDGE BIXLER: Having heard arguments from both sides, both of them essentially arguing the same thing, that Mr. Shine is not criminally culpable for his actions, I’m inclined to agree. I find Mr. Shine not guilty by reason of insanity.

 

(Sighs of relief erupt on the defense side, but yelling and tumult come as relatives of Oliver’s victims stand up and start shouting- the parents of Shuttle’s henchmen, Erica Lennon, Dr. Nestle’s parents, etc)

 

ERICA: SHAMEFUL! SHAMEFUL!!!

 

CHRIS GUITTIEREZ’S MOM: HE KILLED MY BABY!!! HOW COULD YOU!?

 

JUDGE BIXLER: ORDER! ORDER! Quiet- or you will be ejected from this courtroom! (They reluctantly take their seats, but quietly seethe) Mr. Shine- I hereby order you be confined to a psychiatric institution until such time as you are deemed no longer a threat to society. It is so ordered.

 

(Judge Bixler bangs his gavel. Court officers come to retrieve Oliver. Oliver turns to his family and friends. They all stand up, with tears in their eyes)

 

OLIVER: I love you all.

 

JEFF: We love you, Oliver.

 

MRS. SHINE: (Crying) Why is this happening!?

 

KELLY: Love you forever, Oliver.

 

(The officers grab Oliver and escort him out of the court. Mrs. Shine collapses into Jeff’s chest, sobbing. Stephanie collapses into Kelly’s chest, sobbing. Sheffield looks over to Tricia and puts his head to her chest. Tricia squints)

 

TRICIA: What are you doing?

 

SHEFFIELD: I’m sad.

 

(Cut to Roy Handler standing before a judge, flanked by Edgar Huntsman. The Judge, Alex Barone, a husky Italian man, presides)

 

JUDGE BARONE: Mr. Handler, you’ve previously pled guilty to second-degree murder. After reviewing the mitigating circumstances- including your cooperation with the state and the state of mind you were in during the murder- I have come to a decision on your sentence. I hereby sentence you to ten years in prison-

 

ROY: Oh, for fuck’s sake-

 

JUDGE BARONE: With no possibility of parole for four years. Unless the state has anything further, we are adjourned.

 

(Judge Barone slams the gavel. Everyone starts getting up and gathering their things. Edgar turns to Roy)

 

EDGAR: What can I say? Being black is a bitch.

 

ROY: Ten fucking years?! No parole until 2026!?

 

EDGAR: You’re a young man. In 2026 you’ll be- what? 29? You know you can always come back to the firm. We’ll take you back with open arms.

 

(Roy sighs and rubs his eyes)

 

ROY: Sometimes I really wonder why I did this.

 

EDGAR: Me too. It was a bad decision.

 

(Edgar pats Roy on the back and leads him over to the court officer, who puts him in handcuffs. Cut to the Chicago Behavioral Hospital. Two psych ward employees- Johan and Philip, are dragging Oliver down the white hallways of the mental health ward)

 

OLIVER: Remember guys, you gotta keep me away from the sun-

 

JOHAN: Yeah, yeah-

 

OLIVER: It’s not a FUCKING joke, okay!?

 

(The mental health worker uses an ID card to unlock the door to a small white cell with padded walls and a small bed, sink and toilet. The workers throw Oliver in)

 

PHILIP: Let us know if you need anything.

 

JOHAN: Like a swift kick in the ass.

 

(They laugh to one another and seal the door behind them. Oliver climbs onto the bed. Oliver gives a deep sigh and buries his head in his hands. Oliver lies on his back and stares at the lights adorning the ceiling. He sees what appears to be a dead fly behind the glass protecting the bulb. Tears well in Oliver’s eyes)

 

OLIVER: Oh, fuck…

 

(Oliver wipes his nose with his sleeve. Cut to Kelly talking to a heavyset middle-aged woman outside her apartment. Kelly is wearing a mask, but the woman is wearing her mask pulled down)

 

KELLY: Listen, I’m gonna get you all of it, I just need a few days. My boyfriend just got institutionalized and his family won’t cover his half of the rent.

 

LANDLORD: Can’t you ask for an advance on your paycheck?

 

KELLY: I’ll try, my boss is incredibly cheap, though.

 

LANDLORD: Five days, alright?

 

KELLY: Alright. Thanks. (The landlord walks away. Kelly groans) Bitch. (Kelly walks into her apartment and slams the door. Kelly takes out a cigarette and lights it. She collapses onto the couch. Her eyes start to well up as she exhales a long stream of smoke) Fuck…

 

(Cut to Oliver desperately pounding on the door of his cell)

 

OLIVER: I NEED BLOOD! (Oliver pounds some more) PIG BLOOD, RAVEN’S BLOOD, RAT BLOOD- FUCKING ANYTHING!

 

JOHAN: (OS) YOU WANNA SUCK SOMETHING!? SUCK MY DICK!

 

OLIVER: FUCK YOU!

 

(Oliver collapses onto the floor, crying. He starts shaking violently. Cut to Sheffield sitting in his office at Davie’s. Kelly pops in)

 

KELLY: Hey- is it possible for me to get an advance on my wages?

 

SHEFFIELD: Kelly- we run an illegal operation here, and we still choose to abide by minimum wage laws, so I think we’ve been more than generous-

 

KELLY: I can’t pay Oliver’s half of the rent, asshole, can you just do this for me as a friend?

 

(Sheffield sighs)

 

SHEFFIELD: How much do you need?

 

KELLY: Six-hundred-fifty.

 

(Sheffield takes out his phone)

 

SHEFFIELD: I’ll just venmo you.

 

KELLY: Thanks so much.

 

SHEFFIELD: You owe me, though.

 

KELLY: No, I don’t. This is an advance on my wages.

 

SHEFFIELD: …With interest…

 

KELLY: You know what, just forget it-

 

(Kelly goes to leave. Sheffield waves her back in)

 

SHEFFIELD: No, no, no, it’s fine, come back. (Kelly turns back to Sheffield) No strings attached. It’s done.

 

(Sheffield makes a few final taps on his phone and puts it up. Kelly gets a notification on her phone. Kelly checks her phone)

 

KELLY: Thanks, John, I appreciate it.

 

SHEFFIELD: Don’t call me John, but you’re welcome.

 

KELLY: Listen. (Kelly sits down in front of Sheffield’s desk) We’ve gotta get Oliver out of that place.

 

SHEFFIELD: They’re not abiding by his dietary restrictions, huh?

 

KELLY: Yeah.

 

SHEFFIELD: That Viking who stormed the Capitol got his dietary wishes honored, but not our murderer friend? Ridiculous.

 

KELLY: He’s gonna starve in there- or burn up as soon as they take him outside for recess, or whatever! We’ve gotta bust him out.

 

(Sheffield shrugs)

 

SHEFFIELD: How the fuck are we gonna do that?

 

KELLY: I don’t know- but you like movies, think of it as Ocean’s Eleven or some shit.

 

SHEFFIELD: I don’t like “Ocean’s Eleven” type shit, you know that.

 

KELLY: Jesus, fine, it’s like “The American Friend”.

 

SHEFFIELD: But who’s the one with a terminal illness? Is it Oliver?

 

KELLY: Sure, listen-

 

SHEFFIELD: Although vampirism is the opposite of a terminal illness because it means you can live forever.

 

KELLY: Just shut up and listen.

 

SHEFFIELD: Kelly- we can’t bust Oliver out. This isn’t the movies.

 

KELLY: He’s gonna DIE in there!

 

SHEFFIELD: We’ll end up where Roy is if we even try to do this- and I don’t wanna be near Roy, we’re not on good terms.

 

(Kelly sighs and closes her eyes)

 

KELLY: Fuck, you’re right. We can’t just let him starve in there, though.

 

(Sheffield takes a gulp)

 

SHEFFIELD: …Maybe there’s another way, we can help him, then.

 

(Kelly gives Sheffield a look)

 

KELLY: …Oh, fuck…

 

(Cut to Oliver lying down on his bed, throwing a roll of toilet paper up and down, up and down. A knock sounds from the door. Oliver gets up and turns to the door. Philip slides the slot in the door open and we see his eyes from the other side)

 

PHILIP: Good news, Oliver.

 

OLIVER: You’re gonna stop starving me!?

 

PHILIP: Nope- you have a visitor.

 

OLIVER: Who is it?

 

PHILIP: You’ll see in just a second.

 

(Philip swings the door open, shoots Oliver with a tranquilizer dart, and he passes out. Cut to Oliver waking up in the visitation room, he’s sitting across from Kelly, who’s wearing a mask. He finds that he is also wearing a mask, and there are guards in white standing by with masks on. Oliver groggily rubs his eyes)

 

OLIVER: What the fuck.

 

KELLY: They just dragged you into this room and plopped you on this seat- I don’t know.

 

OLIVER: Fuckin’ assholes.

 

KELLY: I know this is a mental health facility, but I can’t help but get the sense that it’s strikingly similar to a…prison.

 

OLIVER: You always had sharp insight, Kel.

 

(Kelly takes a beat)

 

KELLY: How are you doing in here?

 

OLIVER: Slowly dying, thanks for asking.

 

(Kelly looks down)

 

KELLY: …Jesus Christ, sometimes when I think about the ride we’ve been on the past two and a half years…

 

(Oliver rubs his eyes)

 

OLIVER: Do you hate me for it?

 

KELLY: What? No. Hate you?

 

OLIVER: I brought you into this madness.

 

KELLY: You were human when we met. Plus, I brought myself into it. (Kelly toys with her hair) I was so incredibly attracted to you. From the get-go. Once you were turned, I was even more attracted. (Oliver chuckles) As soon as you told me what you were, I could’ve backed out at any point. I chose not to. Because I love you.

 

(Oliver shakes his head)

 

OLIVER: But think about everyone else. (Sniff) Forget Harold, and Shuttle, and all those assholes- as tragic as that all was. I killed my sister.

 

(Oliver wipes tears that begin to stream down his cheek)

 

KELLY: Jesus, Oliver- no, you did not. Your brother killed your sister.

 

OLIVER: Never would’ve happened if I just did the decent thing as soon as I was turned.

 

KELLY: What’s the decent thing, exactly? Killing yourself?!

 

OLIVER: …Either that, or, running off to live in a cave for the rest of their lives.

 

KELLY: You’re not responsible for what Barrett did. He might’ve done it anyway- you can’t play the “what if” game like this.

 

OLIVER: Are you saying all this was inevitable?

 

KELLY: Nothing is inevitable. But it happened. I don’t regret anything… (Oliver gives Kelly a look) …okay, I regret a shit ton of things. But none of them have to do with the decision to be with you. I know that much.

 

OLIVER: Even now that you’ll only ever see me in this context?

 

KELLY: Hey- they let John Hinckley out eventually, and that guy tried to kill the President. He’s singing love songs on YouTube now.

 

OLIVER: Yeah, well he didn’t need blood to survive.

 

KELLY: Th-that’s true.

 

(Oliver shakes his head)

 

OLIVER: Enough about me, though. What’s going on with you? Are you still doing your practicum?

 

(Kelly shakes her head)

 

KELLY: …You were right, it’s not my passion.

 

OLIVER: …I’m sorry if I pressured you. I hope you made the decision because you thought it was best for you.

 

KELLY: Trust me, it wasn’t the right fit. I literally have the scars to prove it.

 

(Oliver nods and smirks)

 

OLIVER: Well. I can’t wait to see what you do once you commit yourself to art again.

 

(Kelly looks around)

 

KELLY: But how much longer can you go without blood?

 

(Oliver breathes a deep sigh)

 

OLIVER: Probably a few weeks. But if you make any strides in that time, please let me know.

 

(Kelly leans forward)

 

KELLY: Come on, this is serious.

 

(Oliver sighs)

 

OLIVER: …I’m gonna die in here, Kelly. (Tears well up) They’re not gonna feed me hog’s blood, because that’s “enabling”.

 

(Kelly takes a swallow)

 

KELLY: …I don’t suppose I can sneak blood in here.

 

OLIVER: Did they not do everything but check your anal cavity out there?

 

(Kelly nods)

 

KELLY: …You shouldn’t have to die by their hand, Oliver. (Kelly reaches over and touches Oliver on the arm) You were forced into this life. The least I can do is let you leave on your own accord. (Kelly removes her hand from the sleeve- revealing a single piece of garlic. Oliver eyes it) Put it somewhere where it can’t hurt you. Call your family. Then when you’re ready… (Kelly wells up and takes a gulp) then when you’re ready…poof.

 

(Oliver wraps his hand in his sleeve and picks up the garlic without touching it. He slips it in his pocket. He wipes the tears from his eyes once more)

 

OLIVER: Where am I gonna go?

 

KELLY: Hell. But. You’re a demon, so it actually won’t be that bad. Your essentially a mid-level manager.  

 

OLIVER: I assume your books told you this?

 

KELLY: Yeah, the only bad part might be running into Colton down there.

 

(Oliver chuckles)

 

OLIVER: …Promise you’ll meet me down there?

 

KELLY: You want me to burn in Hell?

 

OLIVER: I’m a mid-level manager, I’ll let you hang out in my office.

 

(Kelly smirks)

 

KELLY: I’ll see what my books have to say about that.

 

GUARD: You got thirty seconds, y’all.

 

(Kelly looks back at the guard and motions for patience. She turns back to Oliver)

 

KELLY: I love you, Oliver.

 

OLIVER: I love you, Kelly.

 

(They both get up, lean forward, and kiss)

 

GUARD: Alright, that’s enough.

 

(The guards walk over and separate the two of them. They cuff Oliver. Kelly shakes the guard off)

 

OLIVER: Goodbye.

 

KELLY: Goodbye, Oliver.

 

(The guards escort Oliver out of the room. Kelly is left there with tears streaming down her face. Cut to Oliver on an outdated corded telephone in the phone well of the psych ward. Psych guards are standing by of course- and other patients are making calls as well)

 

OLIVER: (Gruff voice) Don’t make the same mistakes as me, kid.

 

(Cut to Stephanie on her cell phone, sitting in her dorm, with the shades drawn. Intercut between them)

 

STEPHANIE: Jesus, Oliver, can you be serious for one second?

 

OLIVER: I am serious. Don’t make the same mistakes as me.

 

(Stephanie sighs)

 

STEPHANIE: …How am I gonna get through this without you being here?!

 

OLIVER: I had to do it alone. If I can, you can.

 

STEPHANIE: You had Charlie, at least!

 

OLIVER: Trust me- that was no help at all. At least you have your goth friends.

 

STEPHANIE: They want me to TURN them!

 

(Oliver shrugs)

 

OLIVER: They’ll get over it. You just keep your eye on the ball. Make friends. Get drunk. Never study. Try not to kill people. Have as good a college experience as you can, considering.

 

STEPHANIE: …I don’t know… (Tears stream down Stephanie’s face) …sometimes I feel like I should just crawl in a hole and never come out.

 

(Stephanie breaks down)

 

OLIVER: Steph, listen to me. Don’t do that. You have so much left to give. You have your entire life ahead of you- and that’s been lengthened perhaps indefinitely. Don’t let Barrett win. Choose to live life to the fullest, okay?

 

(Stephanie nods rigidly and wipes the tears from her eyes)

 

STEPHANIE: I will.

 

OLIVER: I love you, Steph.

 

STEPHANIE: I love you, Oliver. I love you so much.

 

OLIVER: We’ll meet again someday, alright?

 

STEPHANIE: What do you mean?

 

OLIVER: Goodbye.

 

(Oliver hangs up and breaks down crying as psych guards walk over to him. Cut to Stephanie staring at her phone, confused. “Between The Bars” by Elliott Smith starts playing. Cut to Oliver dialing on the phone once again. Cut to Jeff Shine speaking with Oliver on the phone in their living room. Kelly Shine stands by with tears in her eyes. Jeff speaks for a bit, nods, and then hands the phone to Mrs. Shine. Kelly Shine shakes as she grips the phone and speaks with Oliver. We fade into the phone well at Oliver’s psychiatric institution. Oliver finishes up the phone call and hangs up. He wipes the tears from his eyes and gracefully surrenders to psych ward guards who restrain him and drag him off. Cut to the psych guards throwing Oliver into his room. They remove his restraints and then leave, locking the door behind them. Oliver falls to his knees, with tears streaming down his cheeks. He kisses his thumb and points downward. He covers his hand in his sleeve and removes the scrap of garlic. He tilts his head back and dangles it over his mouth. He closes his eyes and drops it in. His skin glows red as he screams. He suddenly bursts into flames- triggering the ceiling sprinklers and the fire alarm. The sprinklers extinguish the flame, leaving a pile of ashes. Commotion can be heard outside- Johan and Philip quickly bust in and are astonished at what they find. The song peters out)

 

JOHAN: WHAT THE FUCK?!

 

(Philip looks around)

 

PHILIP: WHERE’D HE GO!?

 

(Johan points at the ash pile)

 

JOHAN: HOW DID THAT GET THERE?!

 

PHILIP: Son of a bitch was a vampire the whole time-

 

JOHAN: DON’T BE STUPID!
 

PHILIP: HOW ELSE DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS?!

 

JOHAN: Oh, fuck, man, they’re gonna blame us for this. I can’t lose this job- my wife and I just put money down on a house.

 

PHILIP: Shut up- just go get a fucking shovel.

 

(Johan runs off. “A Quick One Before the Eternal Worm Devours Connecticut” by Have a Nice Life starts playing as we cut to Kelly Shine on the phone in her kitchen, receiving the news as Jeff stands by. She gasps, drops the phone and collapses into Jeff’s arms sobbing. Cut to a tight shot of Kelly Shine smoking outside her apartment. She gets a call. She shakily produces her phone and answers it. She closes her eyes and releases tears just as she’s exhaling smoke. She nods and hands the cigarette to Sheffield, who’s standing right by her. His eyes well up with tears as he solemnly takes a drag of the cigarette. Cut to Roy in an orange jumpsuit being led by prison guards into the visitation well- where prisoners can talk to their visitors through phones between glass dividers. Roy is uncuffed and seated across from Erica Lennon. They both pick up the phone. Erica solemnly shows Roy the Chicago Tribune article about the death of Oliver Shine. Roy bows his head. He places his hand against the glass- and Erica joins her hand with his. Cut to Naomi lying down on the couch in her apartment, absent-mindedly scrolling through Twitter. She happens upon a tweet from the Chicago Tribune featuring Oliver’s mugshot and the headline- “Man Committed to Mental Hospital for Murder Dies after Setting Self Ablaze; Officials Baffled”. Naomi sits up, looking shocked. She yells to someone from the next room. A shirtless hunk runs in holding a spatula, and Naomi points to her phone. The hunk leans in, and his eyes widen. Cut to Oliver’s funeral- which is taking place in the funeral parlor of a funeral home. There is an ornate urn atop a pedestal in front of the gathered mourners, seated in rows. There is a placard atop an easel featuring Oliver Shine’s college graduation photo and the inscription “OLIVER FREDERICK SHINE, Beloved Son, Brother & Friend- October 2nd, 1995 – September 24th, 2021”. The first row of mourners includes Jeff and Kelly Shine, Stephanie Shine, Oliver’s Uncle William and his wife Aunt Monica, as well as Oliver’s paternal grandfather Frederick. Kelly Shine’s sister is hugging her as she uncontrollably sobs. William and Monica’s adult children are seated in the second row, clearly looking uncomfortable to be there. Behind them, in the third row, are Kelly Calvert, Sheffield and Tricia. Behind them, we see Naomi and her hunk boyfriend seated. The hunk is wearing an extremely tight suit. Everything is in slow-motion. The funeral director beckons Kelly Calvert toward the podium. Kelly gets up and makes her way to the podium while wearing an incredibly long, gothic black dress. Stephanie eyes Kelly angrily and decides to get up herself. Stephanie steps into Kelly’s path. Kelly is confused, and tries to walk around her, but Stephanie steps in her path once again, and lunges at her. Stephanie shoves Kelly in the chest, and Kelly I throttled back. Kelly stands there as Stephanie throws pathetic little punches, and Kelly grabs her hands and tries to control them. Sheffield runs over to pull Kelly out of that situation, and Jeff and Uncle William run over and hold Stephanie back. While they hold Stephanie back, she kicks her legs desperately and screams at Kelly with tears drenching her face. Kelly wriggles away from Sheffield as they drag Stephanie away. Kelly looks taken aback and even distraught. She decides to take her seat. Sheffield sits beside her and rubs her back lovingly. Naomi glares at Kelly as Kelly bows her head in shame. The song fades out as we cut to Sheffield and Tricia sitting on the hood of Sheffield’s car in the funeral home parking lot. Sheffield is undoing his tie while Tricia torches a joint and smokes it. Kelly is standing in front of them, smoking a cigarette)

 

SHEFFIELD: What a shitshow. They didn’t even let me film anything.

 

KELLY: Maybe not every occasion is an opportunity for you to advance your film career.

 

SHEFFIELD: Are you kidding? If I could’ve gotten the footage of you and Stephanie fighting- I could’ve won a BAFTA or some shit.

 

(Tricia hands the joint to Sheffield)

 

TRICIA: Isn’t that award for British people?

 

SHEFFIELD: My shit is prestigious enough to be considered British.

 

KELLY: I fuckin’ hate funerals.

 

TRICIA: You’re telling me? I had to fart the whole goddamn time, and I just had to hold it in. Do you have any idea how bad that is for the body?

 

SHEFFIELD: How would you know? You’ve never done it before.

 

(Kelly chuckles as she exhales smoke)

 

KELLY: Jesus Christ. Our friend is dead, and here we are talking about Tricia’s farts.

 

TRICIA: Stephanie must suspect you had something to do with what happened to Oliver.

 

(Kelly sighs)

 

KELLY: He would’ve starved in there. I gave him the option-

 

TRICIA: Kelly. You don’t need to explain yourself. I get it.

 

SHEFFIELD: You had no choice.

 

(Kelly takes a drag of her cigarette)

 

KELLY: You always have a choice.

 

(Kelly drops the cigarette and stomps it out)

 

SHEFFIELD: Hey, uh. We wanted to ask you something.

 

KELLY: What is it?

 

(Sheffield and Tricia trade looks)

 

TRICIA: Obviously we’re not going to get married by a priest, and we don’t want a justice of the peace doing it, so we thought, maybe we could get a witch priestess to do it.

 

(Kelly chuckles)

 

KELLY: I don’t know if I’ve been ordained or anything, but. I’d be happy to.

 

SHEFFIELD: Glad to hear it. (Sheffield holds hands with Tricia) …Problem is…I have no “best man” now.

 

(Kelly nods and looks down. Tricia rubs Sheffield’s hand with her other hand)

 

TRICIA: What about your brother?

 

SHEFFIELD: Fuck my brother, man.

 

KELLY: What about Roland?

 

(They all laugh. Cut to a ballroom where Kelly is standing between Tricia and Sheffield, wearing a long black dress with a pentagram necklace around her neck. She’s holding The Satanic Bible by Anton LaVey. Sheffield’s identical twin brother Jim is standing by wearing a tuxedo and sporting a beard. Sheffield is wearing his jean jacket and a bowtie and Tricia is wearing a red dress with black tights underneath)

 

KELLY: By order the Dark One, The Prince of Lies and The Lord of Flies, I hereby pronounce you a monogamous pairing. You may or may not decide to consent to physical contact.

 

(Sheffield and Tricia lean forward and make out. Reverse shot to the room full of Sheffield and Tricia’s family and friends- many of them clearly uncomfortable. They’re all applauding, however, even if hesitantly. We can see Sheffield’s stuffy parents Dustin and Morgan, Sheffield’s three emaciated aunts, his uptight Ivy League cousins and his respective alcoholic and pothead uncles. Tricia’s enormous family is also present on the other side- her five brothers- Topher, Drake, Mark, Paul and Ryan, plus Topher’s rambunctious and sticky kids Raquel, Julianna and Branley. Tricia’s parents Pauline and Mark are there, though they’ve allowed much space between them. There’s also a ridiculous number of Aunts, Uncles and cousins- all extremely Irish. Some of them are crossing their arms angrily. Sheffield and Tricia quit making out and turn to the crowd. Most of them stand up and continue applauding, but one of Tricia’s Uncles stands up angrily)

 

UNCLE PETER: (Irish accent) What kind of name is Sheffield, you marryin’ a BLEEDIN’ Brit, now are ya?!

 

TRICIA: Uncle Peter- you’ve never had that accent before!

 

UNCLE PETER: I guess your second cousin Sean wasn’t good enough for ya, huh!?

 

KELLY: Excuse me?!

 

TRICIA: Just ignore him.

 

(Sheffield and Tricia descend the steps and walk into the aisle. Cut to Sheffield and Tricia walking out of the hotel waving to the assembled bridesmaids- mostly cousins and friends of Tricia, who throw flower petals up in the air as they descend the steps and approach the awaiting town car, which has “JUST COMMITTED TO A MONOGAMOUS PAIRING” painted on the back window. There’s a sign on a pedestal outside the hotel reading “Reserved for Sheffield-Patterson Wedding, 3.27.22” Ezra Milburn is waiting near the car. He approaches Sheffield with his hand extended)

 

EZRA: Congrats, John.

 

SHEFFIELD: Thanks, Ezra.

 

(Sheffield shakes Ezra’s hand)

 

EZRA: Thank you for the invitation, sorry I missed the ceremony.

 

SHEFFIELD: I’m just glad you came.

 

(Sheffield smiles and gets into the town car with Tricia. Kelly looks at them drive away from the steps of the hotel. She smiles. Cut to outside Allison Hall at Northwestern one night. Mindy is sitting on a bench, scrolling through her phone when Stephanie walks up to her. Stephanie is wearing black eyeliner, black nail polish, an oversized black jacket and her hair is dyed black)

 

STEPHANIE: Hey.

 

(Mindy looks up)

 

MINDY: …Hey… (Mindy gets up, puts her phone away and hugs her) How are you doing?

 

STEPHANIE: Okay, I guess.

 

(Mindy relinquishes Stephanie and takes her in)

 

MINDY: You feel so cold.

 

STEPHANIE: Well. You know. It’s cold out here.

 

(Mindy nods)

 

MINDY: Yeah, but you feel colder than everything else- you know what, never mind. Why’d you wanna meet?

 

STEPHANIE: …Let’s talk inside.

 

MINDY: The girls are up there.

 

STEPHANIE: Oh, fuck. Fine.

 

(Mindy chuckles and leads Stephanie to the door. Cut to Mindy leading Stephanie to her dorm room. Mindy takes out the keys and opens the door and goes inside. Stephanie stands outside the threshold and closes her eyes. June and Amelie get up off the floor)

 

JUNE: Hey!

 

AMELIE: Good to see you, Steph.

 

STEPHANIE: Fuck.

 

MINDY: What? What are you doing out there?

 

JUNE: I like your new look, Steph.

 

(Stephanie sighs)

 

STEPHANIE: …Can I please come in?

 

MINDY: What do you mean- of course… (Realization dawns) oh…my God.

 

AMELIE: Oh my GOD!

 

STEPHANIE: Fuck this-

 

(Stephanie goes to leave)

 

MINDY: NO! Steph, come in! You’re invited! (Stephanie stops in her tracks, turns, and walks into the dorm room. Mindy closes the door) …I knew your brother passed away, but I had no idea you…

 

STEPHANIE: Passed away.

 

MINDY: …Right.

 

STEPHANIE: …Listen, it’s a long story, but that’s not why I’m here tonight.

 

AMELIE: Why are you here?

 

STEPHANIE: I took the last two semesters off, after my brother died, but I think I’m gonna return next semester.

 

JUNE: Good.

 

STEPHANIE: I want to live with you guys.

 

(Mindy smiles, June and Amelie all smile)

 

MINDY: That would be amazing, Steph.

 

JUNE: We’ll be like those guys from What We Do in The Shadows-

 

STEPHANIE: NO! (They all tense up) I mean. Sorry. I’m not gonna turn you, no matter how much you beg. Trust me. You don’t want this.

 

AMELIE: How do you know what I want?

 

STEPHANIE: You can’t even go outside during the day, you dumb bitch.

 

AMELIE: Not much will change for me, then.

 

STEPHANIE: You say that now, and I’m sure you’d get a lot of retweets for saying so but trust me. You’d grow to hate it. If we’re going to do this, I need you guys to promise me you won’t pressure me to turn you.

 

MINDY: Why’d you come to us? You know we want to be like you.

 

STEPHANIE: Do I have to spell it out? You guys will accept me. But I don’t want you to become me.

 

(Mindy trades looks with Amelie and June)

 

MINDY: I want to be your friend because you’re Stephanie, not because you’re a vampire. I won’t pressure you.

 

JUNE: Me neither.

 

(They all look at Amelie. She sighs)

 

AMELIE: …Me neither.

 

(Stephanie spreads her arms, and Mindy, Amelie and June come in for a group hug. The camera pushes in on them as we linger on this shot. Cut to a small community theatre in Evanston called “Diamond in The Rough” theatre. The marquee reads “BAD MOVIE NIGHT- Ice Cream Man (2021) with Special Guest Director John Sheffield”. Cut to inside the theatre, where the assembled crowd is giggling madly while watching the movie. Sheffield and Tricia are sitting in the back, laughing along. Mr. Frost is in the middle of the desert, handing an ice cream cone to a hitchhiker while his Ice Cream Truck stands by idling)

 

MR. FROST: Take it.

 

HITCHHIKER: …For free?

 

(The crowd laughs)

 

MR. FROST: Yes. Go ahead.

 

HITCHHIKER: …”For I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in”.

 

(The crowd laughs. The Hitchhiker takes the ice cream cone, and there’s a painful close-up of his tongue licking the ice cream cone- to a chorus of grossed-out reactions from the crowd. The hitchhiker is almost seductively licking the ice cream as the ice cream man nods and closes his eyes, placing his hands behind his head)

 

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Why?!

 

(Laughter. Sheffield and Tricia trade looks and laugh)

 

SHEFFIELD: I guess I threw in some gay subtext for good measure.

 

TRICIA: Why not- the film needed a 500th theme.

 

(Sheffield smirks)

 

SHEFFIELD: I’m gonna use the restroom.

 

TRICIA: ‘Kay. (Sheffield gets up and makes his way out of the theatre. Tricia sits there for a few moments, as the hitchhiker sucks down the remaining ice cream and tosses the cone aside. Mr. Frost takes his thumb and wipes a smudge of vanilla from the hitchhiker’s mouth- to exasperated reactions from the crowd. Tricia grabs a pack of cigarettes from her purse) Good a time as any, I guess.

 

(Tricia makes her way out of the theatre as well. Cut to Tricia walking past the men’s room in the theatre’s lobby. She hears a loud thud and stops in her tracks. She turns toward the men’s room, steps forward and listens in)

 

SHEFFIELD: (OS) FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! (Another thud) FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUUUUUUUUCK!

 

(Several bangs and a thud. Tricia looks profoundly sad, and swiftly turns around, walking back to the theatre. We hear sobbing coming from the bathroom. Cut to Naomi sitting in an interrogation room with Detective Sussex and Detective Hutchison sitting across from her)

 

DETECTIVE SUSSEX: You do know we have a man in prison for this crime, right?

 

NAOMI: Yes- but he didn’t do it! He took the fall for Kelly!

 

(Sussex and Hutchison trade looks)

 

DETECTIVE HUTCHISON: …But we already got someone in jail, so.

 

DETECTIVE SUSSEX: It’d be a lot of paperwork…

 

NAOMI: Are you fucking kidding me!?

 

DETECTIVE HUTCHISON: How do we know you’re telling the truth?

 

NAOMI: Why would I lie?!

 

DETECTIVE HUTCHISON: For one- Kelly dated your ex.

 

NAOMI: Oh my God, I would expect something like that from this fat fuck- but not you, Detective.

 

DETECTIVE SUSSEX: Hey! Uncalled for!

 

NAOMI: Sorry, but- this is ridiculous!

 

DETECTIVE HUTCHISON: It’s gonna be your word against his. And hers. Trust me, leave it alone.

 

(Naomi sighs. Hutchison and Sussex leave. Cut to Kelly sitting on the couch in her apartment, sketching something in a sketchbook. There’s a knock at the door. Kelly eyes the door)

 

KELLY: One second. (Kelly puts the sketchbook aside and goes to the door. She peeks through the peephole and sees Naomi. Kelly opens the door) Naomi! Hi. What are you doing here?

 

NAOMI: How’s it feel letting a black guy serve your sentence for you?

 

KELLY: Excuse me?!

 

NAOMI: I was there. You know I know what happened.

 

KELLY: Are you threatening me- where is this coming from!?! I never told Roy to cover for me- he CHOSE to!

 

NAOMI: And you just sit back and refuse to correct him.

 

KELLY: Listen- I get that you’re probably mad at me for what happened to Oliver, but what else was I gonna do?!

 

NAOMI: No, I was mad at you about Oliver, but. These last six months I got over that. Clearly, there was no other way out for him. (Beat) So, that realization gave way to a gnawing anger at who you are as a person. All high-and-mighty, just looking out for your friends. While you let Oliver’s best friend rot in your stead.

 

(Kelly sighs)

 

KELLY: Roy was just as complicit in what happened as you are.

 

NAOMI: Yet he’s the only one who pays the price. But hey. You showed up to the BLM protest, so you’ve done your bit.

 

(Naomi sneers and walks away. Kelly looks shaken. “Blood of The Fang” by clipping comes in. Cut to Kelly sobbing in an interrogation room as Hutchison and Sussex hover over her. Cut to a close-up of a jail cell door sliding away with Roy in his orange jumpsuit standing behind it sporting a beard. Guards escort a solemn Roy down the cell block as other prisoners taunt, jeer and heckle. Cut to prison guards opening the exterior door to the prison lobby. Roy walks out wearing a white Northwestern Shirt and jeans, carrying a bag of his things. Erica emerges from an awaiting car with tears in her eyes. Roy and Erica run toward one another and kiss passionately, and after that, embrace each other in a tight hug. Cut to Sheffield, Tricia, Roy and Erica out getting drinks together, celebrating Roy’s freedom. They clink their beers, and then pour a little out on the floor. This makes the bartender run over and yell at them. Cut to Stephanie, Amelie, June and Mindy dancing energetically in a gothic little club, each with drinks in their hands. Then cut to the four of them lying in bed together, sleepily cuddling with one another. Amelie turns to the trash can nearby the bed and vomits into it. Stephanie holds her hair back. Cut to Charlie walking out onto the balcony of a multimillion-dollar house in the Hollywood Hills at night. He quietly puffs on a joint as he surveys the Los Angeles skyline. Through the sliding glass doors of the house, we see Nancy sucking the life out of a hapless male victim. Charlie turns around and makes eye contact with Nancy. Nancy smiles and waves as she drops the victim to the ground. Charlie smiles and turns back around, takes another puff. Cut to Jeff and Kelly Shine visiting Oliver and Barrett’s graves- which are sitting side-by-side. Kelly drops to her knees and hugs both of the headstones and smiles as tears stream down her face. Jeff places his hand on her back and closes his eyes. Cut to Kelly wearing an orange jumpsuit while sitting behind an easel in a prison art class, surrounded by other female prisoners in front of easels. The art teacher, an older blonde woman, is sketching a pair of hands as the other prisoners follow along. Except for Kelly. Kelly is instead sketching an enormous, bulging, bloodshot eye. We zoom in on that eye as we cut to black)

 

THE END


Submitted: September 27, 2021

© Copyright 2021 NEONETWORK. All rights reserved.

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