How To Be Sure It Is Love

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Psychologists say, ‘There are different types of love and usually, some shade of love happens and we get confused that ‘incidence’ of love has happened but it is not’. And then, we say, ‘I thought it was love, but it wasn’t’. Or we say, ‘I thought I loved him/her but I realized soon, it was something else, not love.’

How To Be Sure

It Is Love


By Santosh Jha


How To Be Sure, When Love Happens or Hits You or What Does It

Feel To Be In Love? And Most Importantly, Is That ‘True Love’…!


A psychologist says, ‘Love hits you, when you expect it the least.’ May be, it is like the bird flying over you drops its poop on your dress, when you wear the costliest suit for the most crucial appointment of life’.

There sure is no dearth of sayings, when it comes to love. World over, there are more ‘offered knowledge’ about love than rocket science. The reality is – Everyone knows something about love but nobody knows absolutely or ‘enough’ about it! That is why, even when over-loads of wisdom about love are already there, fresh wisdom is always pouring in and surely, there are always the easy takers as probably, nobody is sure, how to be sure about what love is, how to be sure when it happens and how does it feel when love happens, to stand certain. And, as they all need answers, ‘wise words’ are in over supply...

There seems no global research or statistical data about what percentage of people want to know – ‘How to be sure, when love happens or hits you’ – This Incidence of Love; still from practical experiences, we all can say – ‘So many of them, or probably everybody...!’

Let us first list out why this confusion remains about ‘incidence’ of love and then very humbly attempt to look out, whether a probable answer can be eked out. First the confusion –

Psychologists say, ‘There are different types of love and usually, some shade of love happens and we get confused that ‘incidence’ of love has happened but it is not’. And then, we say, ‘I thought it was love, but it wasn’t’. Or we say, ‘I thought I loved him/her but I realized soon, it was something else, not love.’

That is probably why most often, people sort of ‘qualify’ love by asking – ‘What is True Love and how to ascertain true love has happened?’

Explaining the confusion, the psychologists also say, ‘No doubt, often, between a man and a woman, some mutual positive erotic transference happens but it is not love. It is just a shade of it; or a type of it’.

The wise of humanity, the philosophers and litterateurs have warned us – ‘There is a huge difference between acting in love, being in love and actually being the love itself...!’ This means, even love has hierarchy of incidence. One may hit the love but it may only be the base of the love pyramid. Means, the higher echelons of love need to be escalated and move to, to arrive at the finality of love...! Tough...! Very tough... this love...! We need to remember this crucial point.

From the perspective of science too, confusion about love is a reality as from brain point of view, there are complex mechanisms, which happen in brain, when we fall in love and it is surely very difficult to say, which part of love was just lust, passive transference, simple appreciation, recognition of commonality, etc.

Okay, difficult it may be to be sure what love is and how does it feel to be in love, when it finally happens, still, there must be some exclusive or a cumulative sign, which we may decipher as ‘Precipitative Positioning’ of love. Means, there may well be many shades and types of love but there must be some point, or some nodal space, where all such shades and types merge and ‘Compactively’ announce the ‘Incidence’ of True Love...!

Can this happen...? Is it a probability...? Even if it is possible probability, do we have this awareness mechanism in brain to decipher it decisively...?

Hmmm... Tough questions...! Looks like, there shall have to be a global conference of ‘true lovers’ to share their collective wisdom and then arrive at some probable answer...

However, from our experiences, from our history books, from our established folk lores and traditions, we all know that some people have always arrived at ‘true love’ and they must have experienced that it was their true love. This somehow opens the doors of the hope and probability that humans can decipher true love!

If humans can decipher what is the critical speed required for a rocket to move out of the orbit of earth, how they cannot decipher love...! Let us very humbly try a formula, or better to say a probable eventuality between a man and a woman, which both of them could decipher and say in unison – ‘Yes, we have arrived... yes, we announce the incidence of love... yes, we are love...!’

Before we do that, two things must be accepted as core hypotheses in any discovery of love –

  1. Often, love is an evolutionary realism. Means – ideal it is that a man and a woman may not start at this mystical idea of ‘love at first sight’, share time and space as closely as possible and then very consciously evolve together under the ‘sun’ of mutuality, over the ‘soil’ of affection and compassion. If love evolves between the two, it is the best, which can happen to a man and a woman. This happens in most marriages, when they are settled with mutual consent of two sides, involving the man and woman. Strangers start with a ‘resolve’ for mutuality and usually end up with ‘best probability’ of love. Often, what love between two people needs is ‘commitment’ of the perseverance of the enterprise of mutuality; rest falls in place. Being young is good in many ways but what youth consciousness values precariously is ‘commitment’ as it is believed – ‘Commitment is something more valuable when procrastinated...!’
  2. Love is never an individual attainment. It is an absurdity to say, ‘I fell in love with him/her’. Love is always in the exclusive domain of ‘we’, the two – the woman and the man. Love’s incidence is true and real, when it arrives together, almost simultaneously. A man and a woman enter the domain of love’s mutuality either together or never. That is why, most confusions about love and its incidence happen because most people are concerned only about what ‘happened’ to him/her; never thinking as did it happen to ‘them’. Love is either ‘them’ or none...

Having listed the two primary and quintessential hypothesis of love; let us now settle down to list the primary enquiry – ‘How to be sure, when love happens or hits you’ or, ‘What Does It Feel To Be In Love?’ – The Core Question About Incidence of Love.

What I am saying about the signs and symptoms of incidence of love is based on contemporary human knowledge of body-mind mechanism, history of emotions of humanity, archives of literature and collection of experiences of those who have been in stable committed love. All these make me list the signs and symptoms of incidence of love, which may answer the question – ‘How To Be Sure, When Love Happens Or Hits You’ or ‘What Does It Feel To Be In Love?’

At the very outset, we all need to admit that our own body-mind mechanism is a huge mystery and that is why it is our instinctive inclination to accept love as a magical mysticism. This mysticism feel about love is there because of our own body-mind mechanism. We say and talk a lot about ‘I’, the personal self but science says, ‘Consciousness, this effervescent sense of I is a huge mystery’. Science has only very recently started to understand as how our brain works when we are in love or happen to be in deep intimacy. Science however is yet to solve the complete mystery of consciousness, that is, how our brain produces this ‘sense of I’.

This somehow is the core hypothesis about incidence of love. Globally, scientists as well as psychologists engaged in researches of love say it – ‘Love is always a passive incidence, a happening in subconscious mind, a causality of conundrum.’

This means –

… When you are in a state of complete unpreparedness, when you feel you are utterly confused as to what has hit you and what’s happening with you, if you realize that your sense of ‘I’ is beyond your conscious control, if you think your otherwise poised sense of proportion has gone awry, if you feel that your instinctive sense of usual fear and frailty are not stopping you from doing risky things, if you are affirming that your sense of ‘I’ and sense of personal wellness has left you and all you can summon to your senses is ‘him/her’, if you accept that it is tough to even breathe normally and still you sort of enjoying it, if you accept that uncoordinated and asymmetrically incongruous things/thoughts are happening to you but you feel so mystically happy about it, and most importantly – if this is the same scenario with whom you think you are in love with, if this overall conundrum is mutual, you may well be terribly blessed and luckiest person on earth to herald – ‘We Are In Love’...!

The core idea is – Love is a passive incidence and nobody can be sure about it because, it is the way our body-mind mechanism works for us. In some weird sense, this very sense of ‘I’ is a passive incidence for most of us; though we never admit it. If there is complete and perfect confusion and decisive dissolution of conscious and aware thought process as well as senses, it is perfect pitch for incidence of love.

Love may not always start with confusion as many people think they are so empowered that they can plan everything. That is why people go for dates and ‘pursue love’. However, when love hits, when love heralds its incidence, confusion, passive awareness and subconscious mind upstages everything, especially this sense of ‘I’...

Now, here comes this warning signal about love. Love may happen in passive and subconscious state of things, love may arrive with confusion but this is just the birth of love. Like all great attainments of life, love needs to grow and mature in time. This maturity and growth needs commitment of persevered practice of perpetuity of love...

Most good things in life happens in confusion and passive awareness but then, it is like the birth of a child, when the mother is in worst of her consciousness and her jumbled up body-mind bio-chemistry ensures that she is only in her passive awareness and subconscious conundrum at the time of delivery of baby. However, when the child is delivered, the mother has to stand up and take the most active, conscious and no-nonsense commitment to grow and mature the child into a worthy man or a woman.

Love is also born, nurtured and matured like that...!



About SANTOSH JHA: Author, Poet, Journalist, Confabulator

I may have written 47 eBooks but I believe, I am more an affectionate and compassionate confabulator, not truly a writer in traditional sense of the term. It is a joy to talk to people, share ideas and learn/unlearn mutually. All my writings, be it fiction or non-fiction, are about the 3Cs – Consciousness, Cognition and Causality, in the light of this new wisdom of holism – a fruitful mix of old and new knowledge of humanity. I write to share ideas hovering around the 3Cs to help empower you, which then automatically translates into your larger life-living wellness and personal excellence. I believe, success of a writing enterprise is not in how many books you sell, but in how many different ways your writings can help others. This is why, very consciously, all my writings are FREE and I wish them to be very helpful.


Author Page: Find my eBooks (fiction and non-fiction), ALL of them FREE at:

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Submitted: October 03, 2021

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