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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Ever have a dream that is perfect but don't know how to make it come about?

Do you have a wish?  If it came true right this minute, would you say, Yeah?

There is one particular 'Yeah' I am shouting from within the depths of my very being.  I have had a somewhat fruitless project going for months now.  No matter what I tried, nothing seemed to work.  I guess you might say, I just stopped trying.

There is a very enterprising group of small people who have a small transportation line.  We really do not have "taxi" rides in the country.  When someone needs a ride, they either go to the road and stick out their thumb or call someone who just might be going that way.

I have enjoyed calling on this group because I am without transportation at the moment.  I recently had some work done on my house and the cost was my van.  We barter a lot here.  Anyway, the group of enterprising people made me think.  There are lots of people who could use their services out at the Funny Farm.  Now that the senior citizens have discovered it as a destination spot... we get a lot of visitors.

Many of them no longer drive so the solution was this service.  I had wanted to find some way to get at the man who founded the group to come out and at least see the Funny Farm.  He seems to work his prejudices the other way.  He thinks I want to do it because they are all little people.  He is so busy trying to tell me he does not need my patronage; or charity as he calls it, that he is missing out on some good money, to say the least.  I even went the "volunteer" route.  No budging.

The problem... you guess it.  Another, Hoover Dam Yankee, who knows everything there is to know about absolutely nothing.  The one thing he is sure of... he is right.  I thought I might have made a dent in his "I don't need your charity." Attitude when I made some homemade fudge as a thank you gift for a special ride I needed.

Recently, we got an influx of special guests at the Funny Farm.  An auto accident with some special animals created some interesting moments, to say the least.  One was when I forgot one of the little creatures in my care and had left him at the house.  When I returned I found myself talking to it?  The tiny elephant shrew was adorable and very spontaneous.  He stuck his tongue out at me and made me laugh.  That lifted the chaos blanket that had hidden my funny bone.

I still could not seem to get any one of these drivers to take me to the Funny Farm.  Finally, I decided to just give up. I think it was the way he said, fah instead of far.  Or maybe he complained we had no sidewalks, city buses, or food vendors in town.  I sent him a map. It showed him the route to take to get back to New York.  I told him it would be fine with me if he wanted to leave yesterday.  Too bad too.  It would have really solved some transportation needs for many people.  I guess we have to approach the idea of getting another bus-type thing for the senior center.  I just don't have the time or vehicle myself to take care of the problem.  I gotta put my thinking cap back on and work on it for a while.  To that end.  I made coffee.

I went out for my morning coffee this morning.  I was on my back porch.  He shows up at my front porch.  I hear hollering. I go to the fence and yell back; I am back here.

"Ya, gonna answah yo fahont dooah ah what?"

"No, it is Wednesday.  I only answer the gate on Wednesday."

"Boy, youse people got some funny rooools."

He is still standing on the porch.  I am watching him walk back and forth past the steps.  He glances at me.  Then he glances at the steps.  He stops, puts his hands on his hips, and just does a Hugh sigh.  "What if I said I don't go to gates on Wednesday?"

"Thanks for stopping by.  I will be answering the front door again in a couple of days.  Unless of course, you want to at last try coming to the gate.  I got all this fudge sitting here just waiting for me to eat it."

His face lit up.  He started down the steps.  He looked up and I had disappeared.  I had to.  The fudge was in the kitchen...  I was bluffing and he called me on it.  By the time he got to the gate, I had a plate of fudge on the table.

Bella did me proud.  She ran to the gate, barking her loudest.  She even managed to get a couple of good growls in before he held up his hands.  "Will she bite?"

"I am not sure; she has never bitten anyone from the South.  Yet, this morning I saw her catch a mouse and eat it right down.  I figure she would see someone from New York in the same light."

"What is that supposed tah mean?  I ain't no mouse.  I am a man who happens to be from New York."

"You think the only reason someone would do business with you is because they feel sorry for you.  Well, dear sir, I do not feel sorry for you. Well, that is not totally true.  I think I feel sorry that you don't know that you don't know, everything.  You remind me of another guy from New York.  He was so boring; he fell off the turnip truck three days ago and no one missed him till this morning."

He started laughing.  He hit his knee and started throwing his head back and laughing.  “Youse can dish it out too, Lady, I like that.”  I should have realized, I told myself, I had been too polite.  If I had started out insulting this nut, we would be best buds by now.  I had to chuckle…inside just a bit.

 About that time a squirrel (one of Oscar's friends) came scampering down to the table.  I had covered the fudge, so it was safe.  The piece in the man's hand was not.  "Hey, that was cheeky."  Bella was watching the man, who was watching the squirrel, and not paying any attention to the horse trailer that had pulled up in the yard.  The man heard the squeak of the back flap getting lowered.  He jumps up, turns to face Loverboy and Bubbles greeting Bella over the back gate.  He really should not have yelled.  I tried to warn him not to yell at Loverboy.

"Yuke, oh. Yuke."  I opened the gate.  My two llamas walked into the yard.  Loverboy with his red hat on slowly walked up to the man who he thought was yelling at me.  I really think it is the lazy eyes and the floppy ears that make Loverboy so adorable.  Anyway, the New York taxi driver is wiping spital off his face and starts to back up.  Loverboy comes closer.  The silence between the two.  Their eyes meet.  The man starts to speak.  Bubbles had gotten behind him now.  He is between two llamas that are determined to give this know-it-all man from New York a good old fashion morning kiss... right on the lips.

“Yuke, OH, Yuke.”  Loverboy starts making another spitball. I reached up and grabbed his snout.

“Cool it Loverboy.  This guy does not know any better.  Give him a break.”  The man relaxes a little and Bubbles lays a big lick kiss right on his cheek.  “Sir, the best thing you can do right now is pat her on the neck and come sit next to me.  It is your call.” 

I have already peed my pants from laughing.  Now that is how you demonstrate how we do it down here.  "Do you want to ride him?"

All of a sudden, the man's eyes get real big.  He climbs up on my lawn chair.  Holds himself steady at Loverboy's neck.  "Now, gently hold onto his neck and allow him to swing you into place."

"It does not bothah him that I am a little peahson.  He does not care or does he just think I am a kid?"

"You are not the first little person he has given a ride to my dear sir."  Loverboy trotted around the backyard.  The little man bounced up and down having the time of his life.  Bubbles stay right beside them all the way.  Loverboy brought him back to the table so he could get back down the chair.  The man scratched his head.  "That was fun."

"I want you to do one more thing for me.  Please tell me your name.  You have dodged the issue every time I have asked.  Give me a nickname, something.  Please."

 "My name is Oscar Johnson Longbottom."  He had pulled out his driver's license so I could read it.  People seem to think it is funny to have a little peahson named Longbottom.  Just call me Oscah, I'll answeah back.  I started to laugh and then realized he might think I too was laughing at his name.

"It is not the Longbottom that is funny.  I have a squirrel named Oscar.  He is at the Funny Farm right now.  He was raised by a cat... that is a different story.  "Listen, Oscar J... I had to grin... I would really like for you to at least come to see the place and you will see there is a need for your services that has nothing to do with you being a little person.  The senior center is two blocks that way.  They do not drive anymore.  The outings to the Funny Farm are something they count on to get them out of that place for just a few hours.  If you come to look us over and still decided you don't want to do business with us, that is fine, but...  Are you sure you don't want to give me a ride to the Funny Farm?"

He finally gave me a nod of his head.  I wasted no time.  I got the house secured, we load up everyone once again and head to the Funny Farm.

.  I explained we had a resident squirrel named Oscar.  Oscar J looked at me.  "You are making this up."

"Sure, that is right.  You know everything."  I pointed out where his next turn would be and sat in silence.

"I have learned a lot today.  Thank you for opening my eyes.  We pulled into the drive to the Funny Farm.  There at the gate was Oscar.  I got out and honked so that Barbra, Becky, and Betty would know we were back from the "city".  Loverboy and Bubbles trotted down the path to the pond.  I know exactly what you are thinking.  So was I.

I saw no reason to take all the fun out of Oscar E discovering the charms of The Funny Farm... firsthand.

The familiar sound of shuffling feet along the dirt path to the pond was somewhat comforting.  I find it interesting that the animals did not take the fork in the path and head to the house.  They headed for the pond.  Maybe they think every one must be baptized before entering the house.  I just know all new people to the pond first.  Even yours truly.  I was dunked my first time here too.

The hooves and shoes scuffle down the now well-worn path.  The flash of a rainbow crystal flickers as we approach the butterfly and rainbow entrance to the picnic area.  I watch as he approaches.

He follows the parade.  Hamstring is thrilled to discover he has shoelaces to untie later.  The goats are having a ball butting him down the path.  Oscar scampers along beside him.  Oscar is waving his hands and trying to explain.  Suddenly, Tarzan swoops by and perches himself just past Oscar J in a small willow tree.  He starts out with an Italian opera this time and Oscar J stops instantly.  He closes his eyes, smiles, and listens to the entire song.  Then he claps and smiles.  “That was wonderful.”

“Hold up your forearm.”  Oscar J looks at me then follows my instruction exactly.  Suddenly, Tarzan lands on his arm.  Tarzan looks at this man.  Then bobs his head a little.

“Tarzan is a pretty bird.”

“Yes, you are a very pretty bird.”  Just as quickly, Tarzan flies back to the willow tree.  The sound of the hoot owl comes from her perch in the tree that stretches out across the corner of the pond.

I have settled in at one of the picnic tables.  I figured the girls would be here soon with refreshments.  “This place has become somewhat of a rescue center for animals and a sanctuary for humans.  We have worked to make ourselves self-sufficient in that we grow our own food and trade for what we cannot grow.”

Oscar J sat down across from me.  Oscar scampered up to the table.  Waving his hands and trying to chatter.  Oscar J laughed.  Then Oscar scampered up the tree… waved at Oscar J to join him.

“I would not go up there if I were you.  It is very easy to fall in here.”

“I can see the sign that says, Stand up.”  Oscar J decides to defy by efforts to keep him dry.  I knew he would the minute I told him he should not do it.  I thought to myself.  It is a warm day; the breeze is good.  It will take him no time to drip dry.

I sat there along with the members of the parade as Oscar went up the trunk of the tree and slipped right into the pond.  The instant cold made him shout.  He started splashing.  Loverboy and Bubbles rolled a log over to him.  Tarzan threw him both ends of the rope.  Hamstring grunted and squealed as he ran back and forth in front of him.  Then as if by magic the entire group yelled,

“STAND UP.”  Oscar J stood up.  He found himself in three feet of water.  Yes, he is only four feet tall, so about all we really saw was his shoulders.  He held onto the log now next to him and used it to steady himself.  He got to one end of the rope and realized it was tied to the base of the tree.  He starts laughing.  He gets to the bank of the pond, yanks a frog out of his pocket, laughs again, and sits for a minute to catch his breath.

“You did warn me.”  He shrugged his shoulders just as Barbra, Betty, and Becky approached with the lemonade cart.

“What are doing.  Trying to drown the poor guy?”  Betty instantly handed him the oversized towels we use for such occasions.  Barbra started pouring the lemonade.  Oscar J watched as Betty gave different gestures to the different animals.  Becky road up on Sidekick.

“Hi, I am Becky.  What is your name?”

“I am Oscar.”

“Oscar.  We have a squirrel named Oscar.  Becky called Oscar and he came scampering towards the table.

“I have met Oscar.  What is the name of your horse?”

“This is Sidekick.  He was a present from Jane for my sixth birthday.  We do everything together.  He is a miniature horse you know.  He is four years old but the mares on the other farm let him, nurse because they think he is a colt.”  Becky continued to chatter away as if she had known Oscar J all her life.  I signaled for Barbra to meet me just beyond the pond for a minute.Oscar J was very pleased to see Betty.  I think he was taken back by the fact that I not only knew little people, but that I was friends with them.

“Barbra, I want us to slowly move the entire parade back to the house.  I want for Becky and Betty to chat with Oscar J for a little bit.  I think he needs to realize he is needed here.  He must come to the conclusion by himself.  It will not work if he still thinks I am just giving out charity.

“Jane, that is brilliant.  I will give the signal to Tarzan.  He will round up Hamstring.  The goats need to be distracted.  I will play with them for a minute.  They can butt me all the way back to the house.  I will get Oscar on my shoulder and chat a little with him.  You just answer your phone.  I am going to send you a quiet text.  When you answer it, just say, ‘We will be right there.”  I will do the rest.  Okay.  We gave one another the thumbs-up sign.

My little plan worked perfectly.  “Betty, when you and Becky are ready will you see that Oscar J gets back to the house safely.  I would really appreciate it.  We have a couple of senior citizens trying to reserve some romance time for tomorrow.  I’ll chat with you again.  “Oscar J.  Thank you so much for coming.  We will chat again when you get to the farmhouse.”  I glance at my watch.  “Betty, do we have enough to invite this man to dinner?” 

“Jane, we sure do.  I am making New York pizzas tonight.  You should like that Oscar J.”

“Sounds wonderful.  Count me in.”

We all got everything done while we waited for Betty and Becky to bring Oscar J to the house.  We watched from the porch as we suddenly saw them rounding the corner at the fork.  They were holding hands.  Betty was wearing a flower in her hair.  Becky was on Oscar’s shoulders.  They were laughing.  I quietly said… Yeah!!!

The courtship of Betty and Becky had begun.  It looks like we have a taxi service here at the farm.  It could not have happened better if I had planned it.  I thought for a minute wondering if Igiveup, my favorite dragonfly had a hand in this romance.  Maybe.  There seems to be something magical about sharing hope.  It blesses all who brush it, even if it is briefly.Yes, I named my dragonfly.  I too am an odd duck.  I quack when it is funny, I waddle just a bit, and I love being on the water.  I belong here.  Hope belongs here.

I should have followed my own advice I give people every day.  It is okay to have prayers.  Once you do, SHUT UP.  Get out of the way.  You do not have to instruct or create anything.  Let it unfold.  Just know that it will.  There will always be enough of whatever is required of the task.  Just wait.  Full filling, unfolding, and flying on the wings of love is where you find hope.

Once again from the depths of my very being, I say, Yeah!!

Submitted: October 07, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Texasjane. All rights reserved.

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