The Spare Child

Reads: 171  | Likes: 2  | Shelves: 2  | Comments: 5

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Madeleine, a girl lacking strong ties to her family, spends the summer with her mother's older sister. I'm learning what this story is about as I write it.

Table of Contents

Opening


In which we meet Madeleine, her stepfather Henry, and her Aunt Patsy.
Read Chapter

Spaghetti dinner


In which Madeleine and Aunt Patsy go shopping
Read Chapter


  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Recent Comments

nikappuhamy

An interesting prologue to the story.. The feelings of Madeiline were well described throughout the paragraphs.. The perspective you use to see things is a bit different..I'm waiting for your first chapter.. Keep up the good work!!
Regards,
Nikappuhamy.. = )

Fri, October 15th, 2021 12:01pm

nikappuhamy

An interesting prologue to the story.. The feelings of Madeiline were well described throughout the paragraphs.. The perspective you use to see things is a bit different.. I'm waiting for your first chapter.. Keep up the good work!!
Regards,
Nikappuhamy.. = )

Fri, October 15th, 2021 12:01pm

Author
Reply

Thank you for reading my story, & leaving a review.

Fri, October 15th, 2021 8:17pm

FromBlackToViloet

This is a good opening for your story. I liked the character Madeleine, she's trying to grieve and learning to adapt her new life with her aunt. The way she talked about her step dad, henry, how she really wanted him to be her real dad. I honestly hate how step dad or step moms favor their own biological kids over their step children. It really leaves an impact on the child, I saw it happened a lot to my close friends, and how my friend asked me am I enough and why can't my father love me like the others. My mom's father, well biological father was god awful, and my biological granny remarried. Their step dad, they never called him step dad and said that's their daddy. My grandfather may not have sired them, but he is their dad and he made sure that he loves them like they're his own children. Sorry, that was really a touchy subject for me lol. Anyways, I like the character development and dialogue you wrote. You set the scene and tone. Like I felt like the flashback of her thoughts weren't crunch and flowed well. I just think with the scene with Madelene at her aunt's place with descriptions. I feel like it felt a bit crunch up, kind of like maybe shorten a bit and make it like less is more with imagery. But kind of like a more of a show than tell. Anyways, this is a really good premise and I like Madelene so far:} She's relatable of the awkward teen stage. I'm intersted with more of the aunt's character. great job so far:}

Tue, November 9th, 2021 6:41pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for reading my story, & writing your comments. Some responses:
* I am drawing from my personal experience for some of the details. (Not the part about being a step-daugher.) But yes, I do know that step parents aren't always evil: my wife's grandmother was her father's step-mother, & she got along well with her stepchildren.
* I don't understand what you mean by "crunch". I haven't encountered that word used that way. Can you explain it? (I suspect I may end up using it in this work.)
* About Aunt Patsy: You'll learn some more about her in the next installment. (And hopefully in the ones after that.) I'm learning about her as I write this, & one problem is that she doesn't like talking about her past.

Tue, November 9th, 2021 10:26pm

FromBlackToViloet

Oh so what I mean for crunch, kind of like you can shorten some sentences with your descriptions: I put some notes in the icomments. Other than that the story flowed nicely :)

Wed, November 10th, 2021 1:40pm

Thoughts Before Rem

Dude this is great. It's the type of story I.love reading (although that's only based on 1 chapter.) Its grounded, it seems.like it could get rather psychological. Now I have to say I left some really idiotic notes on one part because I misunderstood what I was reading. Then I read it again.and realized. I didnt leave any notes in the chapter itself due to that but realistically this is written pretty well, not many glaring issues. I thought maybe some parts could be clunky but like I said I had to reread the chapter since I misread a large part of it at first (reading while working.) Its a great start keep it up.

Thu, December 2nd, 2021 11:54pm

Author
Reply

Thank you for reading my story, and for your praise. It is encouraging.

I'm not worried about negative comments -- in fact, I would welcome constructive criticism, since I worry about being too much in my own head in writing a story.

As a side comment, I'm a little surprised that the first installment has received so much attention, while the second has received so little.

Sat, December 4th, 2021 12:16am

Facebook Comments

Other Content by llywrch

Book / Literary Fiction

Short Story / Literary Fiction

Short Story / Literary Fiction