Reads: 106  | Likes: 4  | Shelves: 3  | Comments: 8

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Review Chain

Was listening to a song (Fiji Blue - Another Day) and got inspired to write this. This poem takes the reader on a journey to experience the perspective of the struggles of a person going through Identity disturbance (one of the symptoms of BPD / Borderline Personality Disorder), Emotional numbness, and Depression. We could feel the pain of the sufferer trying to keep up with reality while masking the real feelings and insecurities, And when this person decides to be frank about it, nobody understands.

Truth be told, not everyone who is suffering from some type of mental health disorder opens up. But when they do, they're mostly ridiculed or ignored. The least we could do to help such people is to lend them an ear or offer them moral support. Hope this piece brings awareness to mental health.

Note: Each stanza of the poem depicts stages of (some) mental health disorders. My comment to DiyaSL explains them.

Stage 1: Identification, Denial, and Realization
Stage 2: Introspection
Stage 3: Emotional Suppression
Stage 4: Emotional Numbness and Rejection
Stage 5: Emotional Isolation and Depression
Stage 6: Suicide (This is not included in the poem)

P.S: Thank you for choosing the prompt Archia.


It's past midnight, past bedtime.

The thoughts in my head are as sour as a lime,

I don’t understand myself when I thought I did.

Tears keep falling reflecting the fears I hid.


I want to be alone but not lonely.

Want to be someone’s one and only,

Yet I do not.

I do not want to play by society’s plot.


A pathetic life ruined by illusions,

Stuck in the web, losing my visions;

I know what I should be doing

Yet keep doing what I can’t be undoing.


I wish to disappear but not die,

To be invisible - so I don’t have to lie

about how I am truly feeling,

and how my brain keeps reeling.


Keep imagining myself sitting in a dark corner;

Whilst I still breathe, I am a constant mourner

of the one that’s dead inside and numb,

and if I say this I am the one dumb.


They won’t understand, they never will,

and the one that does never comes still.

If only he could come or create a replica of mine

- to live with, then life would be fine.

Submitted: October 09, 2021

© Copyright 2021 shika. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:



Woah! It was like a story Shika! That's great how you described the feelings of a such person. I love the rhyming words you have chosen. I do believe that this is one of the greatest prompts by the time.
As this is a contest, I will give you a fact to improve. Try to develop the flow of the poem. As you have chosen wonderful, heart touching words, it would be great if you had maintained the flow in a little further level. (Please don't misunderstand, This is not criticism. Just a fact to improve :) )
Nice font choice............

-Good luck for the contest Shika!!!!

Sun, October 10th, 2021 7:35am


Hey DiyaSL. Thank you for reviewing this piece and for your appreciation. I am grateful for your criticism. I guess the flow wasn't apparent but the stanzas of the poem depict the stages of mental health disorder (if not all at least some).

*STAGE 1* - Identification, Denial and Realization
When people discover that they have a disorder but then are in denial and finally realize it.
Stanza 1 ~ "I don't understand myself when I thought I did." The transition to the next stage is brought by the line "Tears keep falling reflecting the fears I hid."

*STAGE 2* - Introspection
Trying to figure out what the fears (mentioned in Stanza 1) are. Here the fears are
Stanza 2 ~ Isolation, lack of attention and being framed as a 'freak' for not following rules of the society.
Stanza 3 ~ Lack of focus, Procrastination and fear of failure

*STAGE 3* - Emotional suppression
When they have accepted that they have a mental health disorder but are concealing it from the others by trying to act normal.
Stanza 4 ~ "To be invisible - so I don't have to lie about how I am truly feeling."

*STAGE 4* - Emotional Numbness and Rejection
People feel little to no emotions at this stage and at one point when they gain the courage to share what they're going through with someone they get disregarded or rejected.
Stanza 5 ~ "..and if I say this I am the one dumb."

*STAGE 5* - Emotional Isolation and Depression
People feel that there is nobody for emotional support and keep things to themselves though they yearn for somebody to understand them. At one point when it's too burdensome to carry all the emotional burden single-handedly, depression sets in.
Stanza 6 ~ "They won't understand, they never will and the one that does never comes still."

Now there is a *STAGE 6* which I haven't written about in the poem which comes after depression since I thought it'd be too much to handle for the readers (as well as myself). It is inevidently 'suicide' when people literally give up on their life and don't find a reason to live. That's why it is important for people with depression to seek help early or consult a therapist before things come to Stage 6.

I hope this helps you connect with the flow of the poem :)

Mon, October 11th, 2021 9:32am


Great poem!!
First, I'd like to say that the poem flows very well between the lines and verses. The use of emotive words gives it a deeper meaning and let the reader feel, he is the one who plays the main role here.
Everything was beautifully described with the use of matching words.
I really like the 6th verse and the following lines - 'I want to be alone but not lonely', 'I wish to disappear but not to die'

So, I wish you all the best with the contest! And keep writing stuff like this!
Cheers! =)

Mon, October 11th, 2021 5:43am


Thank you so much for your motivation Nikappuhamy. Glad you liked it :) Truly grateful for your remarks, Appreciate it!

Mon, October 11th, 2021 9:34am

Matthew Hair

This is a powerful poem. I enjoyed reading it. I noticed in your reply to DiyaSL's comment that each stanza is based on a stage of mental health, I think that's a brilliant idea.

I've reread the poem with that in mind and it's very well written. You've done a great job here. Good luck in the contest. :)

Wed, October 13th, 2021 2:11am


Thank you so much Matthew Hair :) Appreciate the time you took to go through the stages and then rereading the poem. I wonder if I should put these stages in the intro. so that it saves the readers time.

Good luck in the contest too !

Tue, October 12th, 2021 11:36pm


In the world we live today, awareness about mental health issues is a must. So that we do not contribute and aggravate the issues.
Thank you for listing the stages. I gain new knowledge. In the poem, the last stanza, when you wrote "[...] and the one that does, never comes still." That line makes me feel so sad for him/her. Great poem Shika. Thumbs up.

Thu, October 14th, 2021 12:42am


True CM.N. I’m glad Archie chose this prompt. Awareness about mental health disorders is important for both the people affected by them as well as the people around them to lend them a helping hand during the emotional crisis that they face. I’m happy that the stages gave you new insight and am thankful for your kind words of encouragement :)

Fri, October 15th, 2021 10:27am


Amazing work with this poem, it has a very nice flow and rhythm to it, almost like a song. Very interesting and unique word choice that keeps the reader on their toes and paints the emotions vividly though out. For the review chain reviews, I am supposed to say at least one thing I dislike or believe can be improved, but I am actually stumped on anything to focus on. Bravo, and good luck with the contest!

Mon, October 18th, 2021 12:38am


Thank you G.P. Sharp for taking the time to review this piece and for your positive and encouraging words. I am glad that you liked it :) My best wishes to you for the contest too!

Mon, October 18th, 2021 2:31am


OMG this was truly amazing! I also like how you wrote a disclaimer in the beginning to explain different mental disorders and how it can be so impactful. The way you wrote your stanza, it ryhmed so well and made the poem flow. I felt it made it more impactful. It feels like the poem is battling with oneself and society and trying to project that onto the person's psych. A lot of people cab be ignorant when it comes to mental health. When you talked briefly about borederline disorder, some of friends have this and sometimes they would ask the same questions. Sometimes, my one friend tried to explain borderline to me like a hot and cold sensation, it is this wonderful high like he can do anything, but then once he crashes down it really feels like the end of the world. This poem did explain well about finding out having a mental disorder, each stanza had a stage, and tried to convey how it's like you're grieving at your sense of normalizw. I have a GAD anxiety disroder, pretty much this was how I felt when I was diagnosed it. Anyways, this was very well written and wonderful:} Good luck with the contest, this was such a beautiful read:}

Wed, October 20th, 2021 2:34am


Thank you so much for taking the time to go through the poem and giving it a wonderful interpretation. Your explanation has nailed that part about borderline disorder and what one goes through when discovering that they have a disorder. People with BPD typically undergo what your friend exactly said and you're right, people are ignorant when it comes to mental health, and awareness is required to make them understand the pain one goes through experiencing it. The prompt Archia chose this time is spot on this time letting us all explore so many types and experiences in disorders. And though there are numerous disorders under mental health, the poem attempted to generalize the pathway to a few or some via the stages. I am glad that you liked this poem, my best wishes to the contest too :)

Wed, October 20th, 2021 8:42pm

Roxanne B.

Hi Shika, I think you did a wonderful job depicting the inner feelings of someone with BPD. I don't personally know what it's like to have this disorder, but I've been close to someone that has it. The things you said like "I want to be alone, but not lonely" is something that I've recognized in my friend and I know it causes them great inner turmoil.
I definitely felt for them as it sounds very painful to experience these feelings. Another line that struck me was "I wish to disappear, but not die". From what I've witnessed, that was a major hallmark of the disorder. I know that borderline is often misunderstood and I really wish people would open their minds more to understanding those with BPD, as I know it's stigmatized even in mental health. I really appreciate the way you laid out the stages. The lines were structured beautifully. It was very smart and interesting for you to title this poem in all caps as well. I think that is spot on.

I had a thought that I wanted to share, definitely take it or leave it if you think it makes sense or not. I'm wondering if you might want to try exploring the identity disturbance issue more throughout this poem. The poem starts off somber and as the narrator continues I could see them having a little more chaotic language that shows this identity disturbance coming and going, while the emotional repression and numbness is interspersed.

Definitely take or leave the note and stay true to yourself though. I really love the poem! Beautifully done!!

Thu, October 21st, 2021 10:40pm


Hey Roxanne, thank you so much for giving a well-detailed review of this piece and for sharing your thoughts on BPD. I totally agree with you about how it's stigmatized and people who are undergoing not just BPD but most of the other mental disorders are often misunderstood and misconstrued. About dwelling more into Identity Disturbance, I meant to highlight it as part of the whole ordeal of the disorder but would want to stick with the flow of the stages instead of focussing on it more. But, your suggestion makes me want to probably write another poem that is solely dedicated to BPD (I should probably do that sometime).

I am glad that you liked this poem and thank you sincerely for your honest suggestions and appreciation!

Fri, October 22nd, 2021 11:55am


I really like that you took on this topic to write about and you did really well. I think going through the stages was a really clever way to do it and I feel like you captured many different elements of BPD and other mental health disorders. I was a little confused about who the 'he' was referring to in the last stanza, but asides from that the rest was very clear. You did such a great job and showing this mental illness and the pain that it causes. I especially liked how you created the sense of mixed feelings and wanting something but also not wanting it. Great job.

Sun, October 31st, 2021 4:57am


Thank you for reviewing it Archia. I am honored! The 'he' here refers to the person who the narrator thinks is the only one who can understand him/her while the others don't. This person can be an imaginary person that the narrator yearns to meet in real life or God. It depends on the perspective of the reader.

Sun, October 31st, 2021 8:02am

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