A Thought On My Approaching Birthday

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic

It is on days like this that I feel the weight of having lived beyond the shadows of my past. Yet there is a sense of incompleteness that permeates the whole of me. For it is the winter of my existence. I feel the cold surrounding and embracing me. Each moment soothing, welcomed and expected, yet I am apprehensive of what will come and when.

A THOUGHT ON MY APPROACHING BIRTHDAY

By Al Garcia

My cousin Alfredo’s birthday earlier this year made me think about my own upcoming birthday.  Alfredo is 8 months older than I am.  I still feel like the “kid” I used to be, while he’s my “older” cousin. 

So, as I celebrate the passing years of those around me, and as my own approaching day of birth begins to dawn beneath the fading light of distant stars, I find it difficult to comprehend the passage of the seasons that have left behind the scars of all that was, and all that could have been. 

It is on days like this that I feel the weight of having lived beyond the shadows of my past.  Yet there is a sense of incompleteness that permeates the whole of me.  For it is the winter of my existence.  I feel the cold surrounding and embracing me.  Each moment soothing, welcomed and expected, yet I am apprehensive of what will come and when.

Years of brooding anticipation now greeted with awkward acceptance of the finality of my presence in a dream begun before I ever came to be.  How I hunger to understand the reason why.  How I long to see beyond the days that lay ahead, long after I am gone.  It is the winter of my life, and I have just begun to feel the uniqueness of who I was meant to be. 

And so, it is during this most irrelevant of times, when life has almost passed me by, that I finally pause to give thought and reflection to the probabilities, possibilities and promises that collaborated to make the whole of me.  I think back to the time gone by, and wonder if I was just a dream in someone’s mind that escaped the boundaries of its realness, that ventured out and dreamed another dream of the me I was or would someday be.

I now have time to reflect and contemplate each moment of my life without regret, but with some concern of what I may come upon as I search and explore the very core of me and my existence.  Age becomes a measure of my existence, displayed in the aches and maladies that overtake my fragile human form.  Yet my mind repudiates the aging of my beating heart, and the waning strength of arms that once embraced, and feet and legs that once walked upon golden fields and marched to the sound of the changing seasons.  It is the mind that never bows or bends to the radiant rays of time that burns away the flesh and bone that reveals the ageless and unembellished soul that dwells within.

I have realized through a lifetime of living, that we are all but a fledging vision in our evolving and ageless minds.  Minds that forever retain the innocence of our youth, and the vigor and passion of the wonders of life and of living. 

We are as old as time itself, and as young as new rays of light that penetrate the cold, black depths of infinity, to find a place in the sun, where dreams never end, and rainbows never fade away.

Another year is passing me by.  And left behind is an extraordinary gift of memories and of thoughts that keep the fires burning and the imagination soaring. 


Submitted: October 11, 2021

© Copyright 2021 A.Garcia. All rights reserved.

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