A tortured soul

Reads: 75  | Likes: 5  | Shelves: 2  | Comments: 8

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Review Chain


He did nothing 

 

But it tore open 

your fragile heart 

 

Leaving it raw and tender

Bleeding and festering 

 

You are injured

But nobody can see 

 

You are hurting

But nobody knows 

 

You are wronged

But nobody cares 

 

You are all alone

Grieving for lost self 

 

The pain was excruciating

It shattered your frail heart 

 

Leaving you horribly devastated

Mangled and mutilated 

 

All because he did nothing

 


Submitted: October 11, 2021

© Copyright 2021 CM.N. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Poetshri

Wow!!! What a painful poem! "He did nothing", this is the very intriguing part. The emotions described here are perfect. I think this poem is referred to being ignored by the beloved one. I know how it feels. :( This poem just breaks one's heart.

Mon, October 11th, 2021 6:34pm

Author
Reply

Thank you. Was trying to write something for the review chain contest. Mental health is a big issues nowda

Tue, October 12th, 2021 7:15am

CM.N

Mental health is a big issues nowdays. And covid makes it worse. Humans are social animal, we need friends and companionship. And also a sense of belongings. Being ignored did not help the situation. Thank you for reading and the feedback poetshri :)

Tue, October 12th, 2021 2:20pm

shika

The problem with mental health disorders is people keep their sufferings to themselves and their loved ones hardly know about it. In worst cases, the loved ones might disregard the illness even after discovering it. A typical Stage 5 Emotional Isolation and Depression problem has been visualized well in the poem to the extent it makes the reader feel the pain of the person. The poem also subtly instills how important it is for us not to ignore people with mental health disorders. The loved the font you'd used to give that nostalgic tragic feeling. My favorite lines in the poem are "You are hurting, But nobody knows, You are wronged But nobody cares." Good Job!

Wed, October 13th, 2021 10:47am

Author
Reply

I read a case once. In a newspaper. A young new working mother was left alone to deal with the baby and house chores at night while her partner went for a night out with friends, watching football. When he came back, only the baby was alive. I think it was mentioned that she struggled with postpartum depression, but eventhough her partner knew it, he was not supportive. He though she could snapped out of it on her own. That case really make me realized that a lot of people really takes thing for granted. People need to realize the seriousness of mental health issues. Lending our ears is enough sometimes.

Anyway, thank you for the lovely feedback Shika. Really appreciate it :)

Wed, October 13th, 2021 5:21am

Jay Than

I really liked this poem and how you managed to tie the end to the beginning with “nothing” at all. I also liked how you explored the depths of mental illness and what it looks like, as well as what it doesn’t look like. On top of that, you managed to capture the seemingly ignorant and apathetic perception of everyone else else concerning the tortured individual.
If there was one thing I would ask for, it’s more. You mention “him” at the beginning and end, but we don’t know who he is, what his relationship to the narrator is, but we do know he did nothing, and I assume the vagueness is intentional for the readers to fill in the blank but for me there are so many options as to who “he” is. All of that aside I really liked this piece and how it made me feel and relate to my own personal health. I also want to thank you for your review on my piece, Cigarettes. Your words carry much weight to them.

Thu, October 14th, 2021 1:33am

Author
Reply

Thank you for reading :). The "he" here is the person that was supposed to be there for us (our family or our partner). The one who were supposed to have our back, no matter what happened. The one that we trust 100%. That's why it was so hurtful when they did nothing when a small action like, lending an ear or provide a shoulder when we need it, is more than sufficient.

(I enjoyed reading your poem. It was never right to change ourself just to satisfy someone wishes)

Wed, October 13th, 2021 11:06pm

nikappuhamy

Another amazing poem N! I agree with Autumn Mann.. We don't know who is this 'he'.. As you have stated, it might be our life partner or sibling or relative or whatever who used to love you.. This poem has its own vision which pulls into the reader's mind.. This poem is under one of my favourite topics..
The way how you emptied the lines, and especially the font you used, was perfect..

Keep writing stuff like this..

I wish you all the best with the contest..
Cheers!! = )

Fri, October 15th, 2021 10:20am

Author
Reply

Thank you for liking this poem Nishi ^_^. I am happy you like it. And thank you for the wishes. I wish you the best of luck for the competition too. Cheers and keep writing ^_^.

Fri, October 15th, 2021 4:33am

DiyaSL

Woah! It is very powerful. 'He did nothing' but that's everything that hurt. This kinda life stories affect the people's mental well-being. It is really great of you to get such an idea into this piece of writing. A painful and heart-touching poem! As Shri said it is hard to bare the pain when you are ignored by your beloved one :(
~Wonderful entry.... Good luck for the contest N =)

Mon, October 18th, 2021 7:50am

Author
Reply


I saw lots of bad things happened (around me and in the news) because of miscommunication, people being neglected or treated unjustly. Actually some things can be avoided by just one small action or words. Well, let's just hope that at the end of the contest more people are aware of mental health issues.
Thank you for the feedback and the comment Diya :). I wish you all the best for the contest too ^_^

Mon, October 18th, 2021 4:32am

G.P.Sharp

Very clear and concise with strong imagery that fits the topic with allusions to very vivid physical wounds and pain. I'm always a fan of more free-style formatted poems, and I prefer shorter poetry, so this one hit a lot of what I personally prefer. The only thing that felt a little off to me was that it felt like it was just short of making an impact (like at least one more stanza to truly hit it for me), but I know that's a vague comment and based purely on my own internal emotions as I was reading it.
Regardless, nice work, and I wish you luck with the contest.

Tue, October 19th, 2021 12:49am

Author
Reply

Thank you for the feedback, the comment. I appeciate it :). Actually there was 1 more stanza after the : "all because he did nothing" and it was supposed to be the title of the poem. But I don't know why I deleted it. Maybe because I want the beginning and the ending to be the same. But I will put it here in the comment. Just not sure it's good or not. Maybe I can re-visit the poem and do some changes afterwards (I always do that for my other poem and short story because sometimes I am not satisfied with the choice of words)

"It was so hurtful
You don't wish it upon others"

Thank you for the wishes and good luck to you too. I really love the short story.

Mon, October 18th, 2021 9:49pm

MARIA OCHA

another great poem. i like the way you use physical pain to describe mental pain.

Tue, October 19th, 2021 11:08am

Author
Reply

We always saw physical pain but never the mental pain. How good it is if we can see it. It will help a lot I think.
Thank you for stopping by and for the comment Maria ^_^.

Tue, October 19th, 2021 5:54am

Archia

It can be really hard when someone doesn't do something, or give support, or whatever it is, and just stands at the side. I think it can make it even harder when we go to someone seeking help and they still do nothing. Your poem was really good and you captured that pain that can be caused through not getting that support but instead being ignored. I loved how well you expressed that and showed the hurt that can be caused. Great poem.

Sun, October 31st, 2021 4:34am

Author
Reply

Thank you for the feedback Archia. I really appreciate it. Sorry for the late reply. Hectic life in 3D world :).

Sat, November 13th, 2021 1:56am

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