My Desire to devour

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic

I wrote this at the moment I clearly understood what I'm doing all along in my life. Although everyone does this, I have observed that I'm going to more extremes compared to others. So, it's just my own theory and how I am.

I always thought that I am a simple person who isn’t greedy. But slowly I found out that I am the greediest of people. My desire to devour everything around has reached its extremes. All this started at the time when I felt so helpless because my health condition stopped me from doing what I want. That has burnt some string in me. I never ever wanted to feel that helpless again. And so, I made my body get used to being healthy. The moment I feel something is off I will slowly change the habits to pull it to the place I want. Later, after few ears I realised my problems with my personality. I was alone and helpless, So I modified myself again. Slowly I started to get the things I want. I started to make the little parts that I like around me a part of myself. I started to try out different things and I found that I can like a lot of stuff. I then learnt that we don’t know what we want. We are just doing the best for ourselves. I found that in the process of integrating a lot of different feelings and habits I have started to desire for more of them. I don’t hate anything, neither do I love them, but I like the feeling when I am learning it. So, I started to devour, devour everything I can. I started to look for more and more things in my path that generally go unseen. I started to pull things whenever I felt like it. On one hand although this was great, we need to understand that there will eventually be problems if we are this greedy. Lately I found out that I have both the personality and the counter personality. It’s like I can be on the either side of the topic to argue about it. Do I like it or not? I don’t know. What side do I like? I don’t know. All I know is I don’t want to leave things untouched in my path. I look around my path, “devour everything I can in the limited amount of time I have” is the sentence that my subconscious always tells me. But it’s also true that I’m waiting. Waiting for something that will stop me from this endless desire to devour and let me stand still. Letting me take a break. To look at all the path I have covered in reminiscence. To help me enjoy the things I have to their fullest potential. But this only makes me hungrier making me take in as much as possible before this happens. 

 

Thus, goes on…My endless journey to devour which helps me understand the world more and more with every passing second.


Submitted: October 13, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Mandava Jaswanth. All rights reserved.

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