my hell is not just my own

Reads: 239  | Likes: 2  | Shelves: 2  | Comments: 1

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

I might not want to die.... but do I really want to live? 
I am numb, I feel nothing 
I stare, yet the only thing that I see
is my demons lining up one by one 
each one condemning me 
I look at my face in the mirror, but I only see my sins 
Do I deserve Death?
I do not know 
I don't always think I deserve life 
But I am not ready to die

Table of Contents

Entry 03/04/2020

Hey yall, 

I'm gonna be honest... i don't really know what I'm doing on here to be honest.. I guess I just wanted to put my ramblings out there. 

Because if just one person feels a little less alone, that's enough for me. 

I have gone life for so long thinking I was alone, but in recent months I have been hard at work realizing that I'm not the only one out there that feels alone and isolated. 

I have been hurt, i have hurt, had highs and lows, been to hell and back. I hope that some of my deepest thoughts, fears, and vulnerabilities, make someone out there feel a little less
alone. i know that my thoughts can be unclear and jumbled, and i apologize for that in advance. ill try my best. this is my journey to healing, so if you want to join me, you are welcome
to. i have found that mental illness, depression, anxiety, and suicide, aren't talked about with the openness that people deserve....  so if i can help break that barrier a little
bit. its enough. 

I'm not expecting anyone to read this. but if someone does.... Thank you. You are not alone. 

So yeah, that's about it.these few pages are just gonna be some rambling journal entries helping me process my emotions and thoughts. Past, present, and future.
Read Chapter

entry 09/08/2021

 I can't sleep, I am still waiting for the medication to kick in. I can't stop thinking, and I can't shut out the voices, so I ... Read Chapter

Entry 09/12/21

It scares me how easily I slip into my old coping mechanism. Shutting down, damn, it works every time, if you can shut dow... Read Chapter


I love him.  I think I love him, I know I love him. It's new but I love him. Why do I think I deserve to love him? Why... Read Chapter

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Recent Comments

Criss Sole

I can definitely relate to a lot of this.
Hang in there. I can understand where you are coming from.
Message me any time if you need someone to talk to.
Stay strong!

Wed, October 20th, 2021 7:28am

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