SEDUCTION / BETRAYAL

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic


Stephanie and I go back to since she was in her mom’s womb. We are 5 years apart and at first, I mostly hung out with her older sister and Stef would follow us around and she liked that I was nice to her. She grew up wanting to be like me, to the point she ended up having a thing for the things I liked, like butterflies and Mariah Carey. We became best friends as she became a teenager and more like an adult, where our age difference no longer mattered - but once she went to the biggest druggie, hippie college I’ve seen, she changed. She blames distancing herself from me on my friendship with Shannon, but I’d soon find out that was not true. 
 
Stef’s husband, Steven, was always very nice to me, to the point my mom at one time thanked him for looking out for me at a time I was, big point to make here, heavily medicated on medications from doctors I shouldn’t have been prescribed (that’ll be in the medical and doctor entries), and I already had one suicide attempt under my belt. Plus, now in 2016, I just had a partial hysterectomy, so I was all kinds of mentally and emotionally messy and mom worried when I was out, especially around guys. But my mom thought, here’s a guy to keep other guys away when they all hang out. Steven started talking to me as a friend through social media and then even text, but one day Steven brought up that Stef wanted to have an open marriage with him.  
 
I warned Steven, wherever this came from, it was a bad idea, because I had family and others who did it and it almost always ended badly, because someone always ended up mad or hurt or screwed from it. I told him stories against it and we went back and forth for awhile and I never heard how things ended. I was shocked, though, to hear that this girl I had known my whole life was the one suggesting this. I couldn’t believe it, but I was still against it, for his sake. 
 
One day in October of 2016, Steven contacted me and asked to hang out that evening to drink and watch scary movies. I found it odd Steven was the one inviting me instead of Stef, but I accepted, because I had only a few friends left and I cherished my old friendships, so of course I was going if I was feeling well enough to go. 
 
I arrived to Stef and Steven’s apartment and to my surprise, Stef was getting ready to leave... to go to a concert with her best friend. This shocked me and I was uncomfortable, but I felt stupid leaving and Steven and I were still friends and I was out of the house, after all. I convinced myself to stay. 
 
After two scary movies and I don’t know how many mixed drinks, Steven didn’t go straight to another movie, but wanted to play a card game, which I hate card games, but I was pretty drunk and therefore with me, playful, so I agreed. Eventually, Steven made some game rules that led to physical touching. When he made a rule to kiss him, I obviously questioned his marriage and it being one of my best friends, like a sister, to me. That’s when Steven confessed he and Stef agreed on the open marriage, that she had already partaken in it with sex right in front of him on the couch, and now he was propositioning me to be his first.  
 
My first reaction was fear. Sadly, that fear was losing friends. What if I don’t do it and he hates me? What if I do it and she hates me or she wants this, if it was planned and I’ll lose them both if I don’t do it? In a split second, all I could think to do was move forward, especially with the liquor helping me make the choices. And it was almost like with Seth, 3 years prior, and some other guys I disliked, when I couldn’t say no (before it became something else), just because of the past sexual abuse, like I have this obligation to guys from my past. And then you just feel like you're doing the hurting yourself. Other times I’m prude like now in my life and other times I’m reasonable about sex - like when I’m in a relationship. 
 
Things went further and further with the card game, kissing led to touching, touching led to sex acts and it was easiest to just go for it… and then he just wanted sex. I hated how fat I was, how short my hair was than ever before, I was a mess, I was lost and scared, and I already went this far - I told him I was just going to lay there on my back, because that’s the only way I was comfortable. And then he fucked me. On my back, on the ottoman.  
 
Afterwards, he turned on another movie, he put his arm around me, and not soon into the movie, he was starting to finger me (I was in a dress). I had enough, I felt like I did my “duty” and I couldn’t take anymore. The awkwardness was too much for me. I thought obeying would make it okay, but the truth is, they changed the dynamics of our friendship that night and THEY ended it there. I should have walked out as soon as I felt uncomfortable and cut any losses if anyone didn’t care about me after that, like they soon didn’t anyway... 
 
I made an excuse about being tired or something and went home. I did worry to death about what Stef would say or think and he promised to tell her right away, but he did not, said he could not, and it tortured me. I just couldn’t believe I was now brought into this situation. 
 
 
 PART ||
 
 
The next day I told my mom everything, as I do, but thankfully I learned to do it right away this time. I also told some friends. When Steven finally informed Stef of what happened, she text me and expressed how she was “happy” about the news. I was with Kelsey at the time and we agreed, while I was relieved I didn’t kill the friendships, the reaction seemed odd to people like us. Their lifestyle came with a price later on, if you watched the local news. 
 
Afterwards, we did seem to distance each other, but not because of the sex. I think it was just their lifestyle. By January 2017 I wrote Stef and asked her about our friendship, how Shannon was no longer a factor, so what was up? She basically told me this was how things were between us now, so take it or “that’s that.” I’ll never forget those two words, I swear. That’s that. 
 
Seemingly to her surprise, I chose “that’s that.” She responded with, “what?” I’m not going to keep a fake, one way friend, no thanks. She hurried and blocked me and got her husband, and all her mutual friends to do the same and block me - there were a couple rebels that held out. That’s fine with me, because I don’t want sheep in my life either, but for Niki to bail on me, she was my friend first and even though this is her blood, we are adults, this is a dumb situation, and I would think our stuff, especially us living next door to each other, could be separate. Wishful thinking that people will act mature. 
 
I texted Niki to tell her about what her sister had just done, but she had blocked me, so I filled in their mother of the *whole* embarrassing truth in a mini paragraph  - because their mother likes to pretend I’m awful (she’ll publicly bring up my DUI to others and to my poor mom in front of others, even though Niki also has a DUI and by previous admittance by her mother, it was under worse circumstances), but they are perfect and I above anyone know the truth. The funniest truth to me is knowing how badass Niki likes to come off, punching guys, but I know she’s a big chicken in reality. And if she wants to act petty next door to me and ignore us all, that’s fine, but my mom helped her when she alleged abuse by her husband. My mom deserves better from that piece of shit, so to act that way to her, because why? Whatever. 
 
So, since January 2017 I’ve been free from these toxins. Be careful who you hang with. Just because you grew up with them, those things mean nothing. Going way back means nothing. I didn’t know Stef. We grew apart. And I surely didn’t know her new crew of people. Sure she tried to be like me in a lot of ways, which is usually a bad sign actually, but there was so much I didn’t know. So much I wish I never knew, but the best thing I did was reply “that’s that” and keep going. 
 
Choose your friends wisely. Know your friends well. Know your friends’ friends too, see who they like to spend their time with. Know their values and if they match. Don’t let anyone run over you. Be a good friend. Expect one back. Or get/give the axe. 


Submitted: October 22, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Jenni Littzi. All rights reserved.

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