FAREWELL LADYBUG

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic


I knew we could grow apart one day and I thought I had lost her many times, but damn... 
 
Kelsey’s boyfriend, Tristan, had 3 negative things to say about me : my medications, my politics, and my modeling pictures. And I was too weak (or worn out) to fight anymore. 
 
Honestly, anyone who objects to ANY  (legal) method I choose to try to get ANY relief from ANY of my million of symptoms, then fuck off. The suffering and pain I’ve been through is something only my parents and I’ve seen. You can’t, and no one has a right to judge, from marijuana to any pill, to any weird method in between. You can try, but you’re out of your league. The pill he is hating on probably isn’t even the black box warning one I am on, he probably doesn’t even know what that means. He’s a child. A know-it-all. 
 
Politics - what is there to say? Everyone thinks they are a genius here now days and that they are right with their belief systems, of course, but anyone who hates all government and thinks we can survive without any of it and law and order, etc. is just a whiny brat, in my opinion. It’s a nice dream. He could have simply edited his feed from me in it (like Lisa did, as him and I weren’t close) or toughened his skin like a man. 
 
Okay, firstly, Kelsey modeled. She practically begged me to always model and I made that happen for her, like I tried to make anything and everything happen for her. Then to throw it in my face, that I took it further and did nude photos... Let me say, I have never and will never flash anyone, or “act” what I believe to be inappropriately with my body. I do think the female body is beautiful and the photos give me confidence and I was always single. If Tristan is not attracted to my old body, then what is the problem with some old, clothed modeling pictures on my newsfeed? And is she an Angel, I know everyone’s truth - and it’s like I’m the only truthful one.  We aren’t perfect creatures and we all have our reasons for things. She’s not bad for her choices and neither am I. You can’t tell me he’s prude on his Facebook, so let’s get to the truth ... for her to use this against me is pretty unforgivable. She sounded like the one bothered. 
 
Kelsey fought blood for me all these years, only to let dick get in the way. I loved her like my own and I am the fool. I finally threw away my memory box of her (and her dad, Corey). I learned everyone thought I was stupid playing mommy, and I was, because now I’m nobody.  
 
I learned during this, she had NO CLUE who I even really am. I wish I were the person she thinks I was. She thinks before this with Tristan, I never cared what anyone thought of me. OMG. I’ve always cared TOO MUCH about everyone’s opinion, to the max! Hello! I’ve had her on my side always before, but I’ve fought the Scott family (plus her biological mom, Aimee) for years now and it always mattered to me. Example : I was a “slut” by Kelsey’s aunt Kari, who hadn’t met me yet, even though I was the one cheated on. Her brother, Kelsey’s father, was only my second boyfriend and his ex answered his door to me just after 9 AM. This family *abused* me, used me. etc., but that’s many other entries. 
 
I am covering my initials, ladybug tattoo that I thought I’d always cherish. I feel stupid, I guess. It’s not that my love is suddenly gone, but I’ve changed, I found myself, and the circumstances all have changed. 
 
It’s dead. 
 
2007-2020 to a love I had like no other! 
 
At least I saw her graduate, that will always be special, but now it’s time for the new me after all her family did to me. There it is. It’s not just about her, it’s the whole situation I’m getting rid of with the tattoo and these entries. It’s a happy thing! 
 
Here’s to 2021, my first tattoo cover and with my own artwork. Amazing. 

 


Submitted: October 22, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Jenni Littzi. All rights reserved.

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